Insecure DD 2.5 I'm due new baby soon

[Thelovecats]

My DD is really clingy right now, and very controlling. For example, insisting on certain beakers, socks, ways of doing things, wanting certain a toys in bed. Also, she insists on me doing everything and not her dad. I figure she's feeling insecure but I'm finding it really hard going and I don't know how to deal with it. Any ideas please!

A 2.5 year old isn't capable of rational thought or plotting as in ' if I behave like an adult and don't speak or be demanding I won't put pressure on my pregnant mum, who is tired, and then perhaps she will like me more'

Maybe you are tired and a bit anxious and not as patient and as fun as you have been in the past, but really your 2.5 year old is being a 2.5 year old.
They assert them selves and push the boundaries at this age.

What is going to happen to you with a new baby coming is going to be hard. But however hard it is , it is going to PASS eventually and both babies, ( because that is what a 2.5 year old still is) are going to rely on you for their memories of childhood.
You are going to need lots of patience. Lots of remembering that you are the adult and responsible for their emotional development.

You sound tired and exasperated with your 2.5 year old and we have all been there. I felt like throttling mine on occasion. However the more you count ten, listen, and treat them with respect the more you will be rewarded in shed loads when they are older.

They WILL remember how you treated them. They may not remember the words but they will remember the feelings.
So, sorry, but it is down to you to change how you feel about your DD.

Try and relax, and enjoy her and her company in the short time you have got left, with just her. If you sigh and tut and frown, she will be picking up on the fact that perhaps you don't like her ( I know you love her and I am not saying you don't) it will make her even more clingy.
Just treat her in the same way you would like to treated and you can't go far wrong.
You are a good Mum I am sure, but you have one go at bringing them up to adult hood, so that they can face the world with confidence. It takes lots of patience , because there is NO going back and doing it again.
Best of luck with the new baby. X hugs

Thank you for your reply. You have made a lot of assumptions though. I know she is just being a 2.5 year old, I also have a 5 year old so I have been there. I did say I didn't know how to deal with it, so I'm not under any illusion that it is me (and her dad) who need to look at how we are behaving rather than expecting her to 'get it' because as you say, she is only 2.5! Perhaps I used the wrong word by saying 'controlling', and just said demanding. However, I am very patient with her, I avoid shouting and I do respect her feelings, what I wasn't sure of is if I should be being more firm with her. I really like your advice to treat her as I would like to be treated, do I will certainly bear that in mind.

DS went through this phase. I found giving him a choice - red or blue beaker helped. Often he would choose, then change his mind and protest but I I would stick with the choice and explain he could have the other option next time.

Same with toys, socks etc. that way he had some autonomy but we weren't constantly at his beck and call.

DH also always wants me but DH and I share bath & bed, dinner time and childcare and he's ok with it mostly. DH just makes it fun and I'm
soon forgotten about!

Mine was just like you describe at 2.5, and I was pregnant with DS at the time. I was also suffering from very unpleasant antenatal depression, so life was very difficult.

Within my capabilities, which were somewhat limited, I gave her as much time and love and attention as I could. I was so terrified of losing my relationship with her - whether that was the result of the depression or the reason for it, I'll never know.

So I allowed the clinginess where I could, indulged the favourite cup, read the same story a million times.

All turned out well for us, with minimal jealousy once DS arrived. Funnily enough, he's going through the same stage now - and there's definitely no new baby on the way this time! Good luck.

Sticking to the 2 option thing is a good idea, and not giving in beyond that. Sometimes she asks for a particular thing though, and then when you get exactly what she's asked for it it's still not right ??
Also, it's just nice to be reminded that it is normal!