Called in because school is concerned DS has low self esteem?

[Isobelbenjamin]

So upset and worried about DS, 7 years. He is in year 3 and is nearly 8. He started at current school last Sepetmber, it is a smaller school than previous and there were no concerns raised at his previous school.

The teacher says he gets very upset and cross with himself if he perceives he has not done well or succeed at something. She says he hits his forehead in frustration saying things like stupid stupid. She has got the senco to watch him in lessons the other day. She told me that he spent a lot of time going back and forth to his tray faffing when he could have just taken one trip, and consequently was not listening to the teachers instructions. She said that in PE he got cross with himself and hit his forehead. She says that he gets frustrated with his class mates at times. She also says that his speech, vocabulary, imagination and thoughts, reading are all excellent for his age. But that he has difficulty concentrating to put his thoughts down in writing.
Yesterday they handed me a leaflet for the local authority assessment team. When I took it back home and read through the leaflet and looked on the website it talked about ADHD autism and Tourette's. I read all through the descriptions, and none sound like my DS, only perhaps the odd thing slightly. They asked me if I found that he does these things at home, and I honestly can say not really. He does have a tendency to be impatient and gets frustrated when learning things but I think that's just maturity. He has got a bit of a temper but not violent, it's more out of frustration.

I am so worried about him, I really don't know what to think. I do think he is normal in lots of ways, he has a definite character I will admit that. And we have always said "he's been here before" type of thing. I told the teacher that I think he almost has thoughts, and ideas beyond his years and it's almost like he can't channel them. He has amazing capability to remember facts about cars, and how things work. He reads and re reads beanos, Guinness book of records absolutely fascinates him. He has always been a very attention demanding child from birth. He has always been very talkative, and has had very intelligent conversations with adults from an early age. From the age of 6 ish he starts declaring various things baby, such as disney toys etc.. he likes company and to be with his family and friends. He does have friends, not masses but he gets invited to play and to parties. He has a big passion in cars, anything that goes, likes to race his remote control cars, enjoys lego etc.

He is DC no 2 he has an older sister who is 12 is quite chilled and laid back and has always been good to him. She has started to become teen recently and they do bicker, and she wants to have less to do with him than she did do.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be gratefully received. TIA

He sounds so much like my DS1 (who is now 9 and in year 4) - super bright but wracked by lack of confidence. He sees the senco to help with concentration and writing down on paper (its all in his head but he finds it difficult/painful to write for long periods of time). He loves reading and would happily do that instead of what he's required to do in class.

What we're doing with him is trying to teach him coping techniques for when he gets frustrated with himself (e.g. if he feels himself getting angry to stop breathe and count to ten and then start again) and reminding him of what he's good at and praising him when he does well. We also reward him at the end of a good day (where he's got through it and feels its gone well) with extra reading time before lights out.

DS1 also has trouble starting tasks and faffs a lot and stares into space - he's much better if he's given a deadline to start things (you're starting in 1 minute so go get your stuff ready - 30 seconds, go) which we do at home at homework time and his teacher does too.

Thanks Dinky, i wished they had talked strategies with me, rather than scaring me with a leaflet. I was so shook up about it last night and this morning, I just cried. Obviously not whilst the DCs were around. I think I have only cried because I am feeling unwell with sinusitis.

Does your DS never stop talking? We have to remind him to eat at mealtimes because he is so busy talking. Yes, I find that if I give him time scales he is better. I.e can you beat your getting dressed record of 1:34 or can you do your guitar practice - I will put the timer on for you?

Yes - he talks a lot! So much so that most days he brings most of his packed lunch home as he's been too busy chatting at lunch. I try to ensure he has a cooked breakfast in the morning so he's at least got some food in him for the day.

Its ok to cry and be shaken up - I'd suggest making another appointment with the teacher and the SENCO to talk strategies with them and what you can both be doing, at home and school, to help him cope and bolster his self esteem. My DS1 does karate once a week after school - its massively helped him with his confidence and his concentration - and whenever he complains he's no good at things I remind him that things need working towards, like his karate belts, so it takes time.