How to encourage a baby not to hit?

[Flingmoo]

Our 11 month old DS intentionally hits people in the face and chest, as well as scratching and biting (although the latter is largely due to teething). It's painful and also embarrassing if he lashes out at someone who just wants to say hello...

What can we do to discourage? Say no firmly then put him down or walk away momentarily? Or would this lead to worse behaviour? Don't want to make it a game but also don't want to make him insecure.

Any advice?

My suggestion would be your suggestion. My baby used to hit the dog all the time (thank god our pup is so patient). When he did that I got to his eye level and said no in a very stern voice (it made him laugh at first) and then if he tried again, he would be moved to the other side of the room and put there continually until he stopped hitting the dog. He cried and cried but now all he does is cuddle and kiss the dog.

My suggestion would be to say no (never to early to learn right?) In a stern voice. And if he continues, put him down for 30 seconds (without picking him up or empathising with his moans) pick him back up, and if he hits again- repeat but if he doesn't coo over him and tell him he's a good boy

It doesn't make you a bad parent to dicipline, he'll be better off in the long run. My friend has a 2yo who hadn't been diciplined till 23 months and she will tell you herself that he is agressive and can be a nightmare! Hope this helps xx

I have no idea so I'm watching this thread!
I have a 21mo hitter who will hit harder when she hears the bad "no" word and screams blue murder if you put her down and ignore her

tell them no and put up with a thirty second tantrum at 11 months! my DD is 16 months and loves nothing more than to attack her big brother. she gets put in time out (popped in the travel cot for a minute) then she gets picked up and gives hugs and kisses to me and DS to say sorry. she knows she shouldn't though, as she tries to wait until I'm not looking, or she will pretend to hug him then sink her teeth in! she is vicious. poor DS.

the travel cot is somewhere safe for her to throw herself around in by the way, as she has major screaming headbutting floor tantrums

We responded to any of our children hitting while toddlers, by showing how we can touch gently with our hands, using our hands to stroke or pat them gently, or holding their hand and showing them how they can touch us gently. Often using the phrase "gentle hands "

Sounds a bit lentilly maybe, but I can confirm that it does work for us. They soon got the idea of it and when they are frustrated, I could see the urge to lash out was there, but they didn't do it most of the time. and if ever they did, simply saying "gentle" as above and stroking their arm for example, was enough to calm them down and make them reconsider hitting out. When you are both calmer its easier to work out what the cause of their frustration is.

I don't think you've much to lose at 11 months by giving it a go to be honest. There is nothing wrong with telling the child you will put them down if they do it again, if you think they will understand it. But theres a good chance it could just lead to further frustration.

I found positive instructions worked much better with small toddlers. So rather than saying "no hitting", I'd say "gently", take their hand to stop the hitting, and show them how to stroke my face or hair instead. You focus the attention on the thing you do want them to do rather than the thing you don't want them to do, then next time they do that first.

x-post.

Thanks! Hmm, forgot to mention in my OP we've been doing the "gentle" thing for a while but I don't think it's acting as much of a deterrent now. So I'm not sure whether to keep going with it or try a more firm response.

It's also hard not to automatically react by yelping "OW!!" if he catches you with his sharp nails, which I imagine is most entertaining for a baby/toddler!

I don't think there's anything wrong with them seeing it hurts you. They won't know if you don't tell them.

Have you tried anticipating? Practice gentle in situations when he's not already hitting, or pre-empting in situations when you think he might hit out. Or if gentle isn't the one for you, maybe waving hello or something else that suits you.

Do you think it's a game for the reaction?
Or could he be hitting out because he's not comfortable with people getting in his face when saying hello? DS wouldn't go near people till he'd got used to them at that age and until 4 or so. He didn't hit, his reaction was to hide in that situation, I could see other kids might lash out.

Either way I'd say prevention is better than punishment though.

Oh yes I didn't make any secret of it, if mine hurt me, and there were definitely a few OUCHs exclaimed! and yes sometimes they do do it, for a reaction annoying

A good one with older toddlers is holding their hands and saying "I wont let you hurt me", but 11mo is probably too young for that.

My first thought was admittedly perhaps he just does not like people greeting him unexpectedly, but I wonder if you meant other children or adults? Every child is so different, what works with one will not work with all others, its a suck it and see approach isn't it. Tricky