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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS (5) is.... Weird...

23 replies

tostaky · 26/04/2015 22:09

He is normal, but weird at the same time. He is a chatty little boy and would have no problem having a proper conversation about anything with an adult and yet he has no friends at
all (thankfully he has two brothers).
He is never asked for a playdate and when i ask for a playdate often enough there are tears from the other child "no ... I dont want to go to xxx's house!"
He is interested in physics and maths and how things works but yet he is average at school. The way he thinks is different to my other two boys too. He will put in relations two things that are apparently not related and show you the link. He is very chatty, very smiley and very good mannered.
Some friends said he might gifted but i don't recognise him in the description. He was an early talker and he did move around the house on his bottom at around 5 months but that doesn't is the only two things he dis in advance the rest is average
I would like to find out his type of personality because i want to help him make friends. It kills me to see him so nice and chatty and yet he doesnt get invited to anything. I am pretty sure the reason he is not bullied at school is because he has two brothers .... Any idea what is "not normal"? Light autism? Asperger? I dgiftedbrothers).

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Original poster

tostaky · 26/04/2015 22:11

Posting from the app and it doesnt let me correct spelling/grammar easily... Sorry!

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Sirzy · 26/04/2015 22:13

Have you spoken to his teaxher? What do they think?

Original poster

tostaky · 26/04/2015 22:18

Teacher said it is "his own little personality". Nothing to worry about.

What i forgot to say is that he often say things out of context in a weird/nerdy way. And he says a lot of nonsense. (And speaks a lot about "stop saying nonsense" which must come from school as (at first)i never said that but now i do)

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Original poster

tostaky · 26/04/2015 22:20

Or rather it is not nonsense but other things that have happened diring the day, made their own little journey in his quirky brain and come out ... In a weird way... Hard to describe!!

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JellyMould · 26/04/2015 22:21

He sounds very similar to my little boy (also 5). He is a summer born year 1, achieving at average to slightly above average in school, chatty with adults but has only just started to develop friendships. He has two little friends now and it has changed in the last couple of months. We just had his IQ tested and it is in the top 1% of children his age, so he would be classed as gifted but he does not come across that way at all - no early milestones either.
If he's chatty with adults I don't think ASD is the most likely answer. (usual caveats about can't diagnose over the internet).

gamerchick · 26/04/2015 22:21

Go back to his teacher and don't let her brush you off. You're concerned and deserve to be heard.

JellyMould · 26/04/2015 22:24

Sorry cross posted. When you say that he says things out of context, is he literally repeating phrases without understanding them, or bringing things up without much regard for how they fit into the conversation? I think the latter is relatively common for 5 year olds.

Original poster

tostaky · 26/04/2015 22:37

Jelly - the latter.
My DS1 did not do that and i dont know any other child who does that.
For ex: pancakes for breakfast
Me: so you want another one
Him: do you know that pancakes are infinite?
Me: are they? Well there are only so many pancakes i can make, so they are finite. Do u want another one
Him: holding his pancake and rubbing it softly " look it is a circle and circles are infinite"

It is like this all day long... And as he is chatty i just end up nodding away... I guess that is what others are doing too.

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Original poster

tostaky · 26/04/2015 22:41

Jelly - where and how did you get your DS tested?

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JellyMould · 26/04/2015 23:40

Yep that sounds familiar!
I cheated a bit on the testing as I work in a research centre with Ed psychs so got it done there.

tumbletumble · 27/04/2015 10:27

I think he does sound gifted actually. The comment about circles being infinite seems to me very advanced for a 5yo. This could be why he's struggling with friendships if the other children in his class don't understand what he is saying. Could you find something outside school that interests him (a science club?), he might make friends there if he has an interest in common with the other children?

Original poster

tostaky · 27/04/2015 12:20

Jelly, so what do you do to help him make friends?

There are no science club for reception children but he can go when he is in Y1.

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TaurielTest · 27/04/2015 12:27

I'm just going to respectfully disagree with Jelly's suggestion that children who are chatty with adults are unlikely to have ASD.
Your DS sounds lovely.

BathshebaDarkstone · 27/04/2015 12:29

He does sound gifted. Get him assessed at school.

insanityscatching · 27/04/2015 12:34

For me having two children with autism I'd say he's ticking quite a few on the spectrum boxes and so I would be speaking to your GP and asking for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

BathshebaDarkstone · 27/04/2015 12:36

My DD's like this, the infinite pancakes comment is exactly the sort of thing she'd say. Try getting him into mathematical games, like working out the next number in the Fibonacci series. This is my DD's current favourite game.

JellyMould · 27/04/2015 19:51

Fair enough puddock! No point trying to diagnose over the Internet either way.
In terms of getting my boy to make friends, I think it was partly increasing emotional maturity, partly a few chats about how to ask people to play in the playground and a helpful teacher who pairs him up with people he gets on well with.

Kleinzeit · 27/04/2015 22:09

To be honest he does sound potentially a bit Aspie. My DS (who has Asperger’s) could chat away endlessly about things that interested him, especially to adults. He did a lot of saying what’s in his head without regard for context too, many five year olds do it but he did it more than most. I once described my DS as “weird” to my health visitor and she said “oh no, he’s interesting” My DS was actually very chatty and outgoing, which helped to mask his communication difficulties.

If your DS is quirky and struggling to make friends then (Aspie or not) you might find The Unwritten Rules of Friendship helpful, especially the chapters on “The Different Drummer” and “The Little Adult”.

Original poster

tostaky · 27/04/2015 22:35

Thank you all. I have ordered that book about friendship and looked up the fibonacci number.
Is the GP going to take me seriously? It will be hard for someone exterior to know my DS like i do. He seems so normal.

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6031769 · 28/04/2015 09:23

Sounds very like my nearly 5 year old so just marking my place to read comments

CrispyFern · 28/04/2015 09:37

Sounds like DD when she was that age. She has managed to make a few school friends now she's seven. Although she still prefers to talk to teachers / other adults to be honest.
She went through a phase of being obsessed with infinity when she was five too! It made a nice change from death which she was obsessed with at four.

I don't know if DD is gifted necessarily, she isn't the top of her class academically, but she's extremely interested in everything in the world.

jaykay34 · 28/04/2015 10:08

My son, now 12, was very much like your son at 5. He didn't play with other children, had a strong interest in science and the world (and wars), and chatted to teachers/adults more easily. He had a good mind for numbers, but was academically average and struggled with spelling and reading. I thought he might have Aspergers, as it is significant in one side of my family.
I expressed this to a teacher who said that her opinion was that he was too mature for other children and they would "grow into him". She said he was emotionally sound and very astute - just his interests were very different to his peers.
I expected him to grow up very geeky.

Things started to change at about seven, when he was consistently being voted to be form captain/school council by other children as they voted for who they viewed sensible rather than friends. This gained him a bit of Kudos and other boys wanted to be his friend. He started to attend after school sports clubs and became a part of a team.

He is now 12 and one of the most popular boys in his year. Kids from all walks of life - and adults - all love him. He has developed a really good sense of humour - can laugh at himself and his quirks, and is his own person. He is somehow, really respected for that by other kids.

The teacher was right...other kids grew into him. And he learned to like other kids.

It's hard to believe he is the same boy who spent the first couple of years of school life as a "loner".

Original poster

tostaky · 28/04/2015 16:20

Thank you for your stories, it is nice to hear about other children who went through a similar phase.
DS was also obsessed with wars and its atrocity so yes it is nice it is all about science too.
Last night i did the "cast" test it is a test to measure asperger in a child and he scored 13. The test consider that a score of 14 and above means there is some autistic traits.
It made me realise that his clumsiness (very extreme) might be related too! He doesnt know how to ride a bike either and that is a criteria...

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