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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Deliberate weeing on the carpet - how should I handle it?

14 replies

mckenzie · 29/04/2004 18:57

DS, nearly 3, has been out of nappies since February. He knows full well that the place for wees and poos is the toilet but sometimes, out of sheer laziness I believe, he just takes his pants and trousers off and does a wee on the carpet.
I really do not believe it's because he suddenly found the urge to go and couldn't get to the toilet in time as we are luckily enough to have 3 toilets in our house and so he is always fairly close to one of them. I still ask him every now and then, if I think that he hasn't been for a while, if he would like to go and he knows that if he calls me I will pretty much come running and help him if necessary.

Up until now, I've been fairly relaxed about it and just mopped it up etc but the last few days I've got quite cross with him as I am so sure that he knows exactly what he's doing. Today, as soon as I realised what he had done (about 30 secs after the event I should think) I took him straight into the toilet and went through the "this is where we do our wee" thing and made him stay in there while I mopped up. I did get really quite cross with him, quietly cross if that makes sense, I didn't shout at him I dont think, but I'm not sure what's the best way to handle this.
Any ideas, thoughts or advise gratefully received.

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champs · 29/04/2004 19:13

hi!! have you tried getting him to clean it up? he'll soon see it's not fun. IMO talking to him and explaining about toilet as you have been doing is good. maybe you could do a weeing in toilet chart, give tick or sticker when goes in toilet and cross when he goes on carpet. maybe a treat if he gets enough.
Praising him when he goes in the toilet is also a good idea.

has he done this at aother houses?

I think boys like to wee in strange places sometimes, dont know wether it's lazyness, curisity, or naughtyness!!

Original poster

mckenzie · 29/04/2004 19:26

he hasn't done it at other houses but boy, do I regret the day we let him do a wee in the garden. or rather the day DH let him do a wee in the garden as he, Dh that is, was too lazy to bring him into the house. Unfortunately, DS thoguht that was fantastic and kind of blows my "we only do wee on the toilet" chat out of the water. But, I do praise him when he does use the toilet and shall continue wiht that and we have tongiht told him that if he goes for 7 days without weeing on the carpet then we'll go to Legoland again (just bought a season ticket).
Do you agree though that at this age he does understand that he shouldn't do it on the carpet?

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baldrick · 29/04/2004 19:37

McKenzie, had exactly the same problem with dd when she was 3...for nearly a year she just to do it one carpet, but would poo on the potty/ toilet....other advice is good all can say is that dd did grow out of it, although wish we'd been a little firmer...good luckx

baldrick · 29/04/2004 19:37

Lesley76 · 29/04/2004 19:42

OH YES he DOES know that you go in the toilet. My advice is to make him clean it up (with rubber gloves etc of course). make sure he knows this is HIS problem, not yours. ie he is the one who has to clean up the mess, be embarassed in case other kids find out, is acting like a baby etc

The reason i say this is that you CANNOT control where kids pee so you mustn't let this get out of hand now, or he will use it to control you. Personally I woulnd't reward him for peeing in the toilet at nearly 3, , but I'm probably too hard...........

maisystar · 29/04/2004 20:01

hi, my ds is now 3.6 and we have only just cracked potty training daspite him being out of nappies for nearly 18 months! (i posted athread about it a while ago if your interested in behaviour/development called is this a record?) anyway he was fully aware of weeing himself and was basically lazy-typical bloke about 3-4 weeks ago with the help of his pre school we devised a plan called'you will wear a pull up if you wee in your pants' evil i know but was last resort and i thought vv hard before doing it.

he really disliked the pull up and has had very few accidents since. the deal is still that if he has a wee in his pants he 'neede to wear one to remind him to go for a wee'.

we also started a star chart where he gets a star for every time he says he needs a wee and pants are dry. however many stars he has at the end of the day he gets that many sweets(buttons, magic stars etc so not big sweets) is normally about 7 or 8.

i never get cross with him but am now quite firm just say hes a big boy and big boys keep their pants dry. obivously give him loads of praise when hes successful

one thing i would emphasise is to be sure that he does know what hes doing when he wees himself/on the carpet but tbh it sounds as tho he does.

hth

champs · 29/04/2004 21:02

yes do think he is old enuff to know.

i think maybe you can tell dh off about garden unless it was a long time ago so ds see's it's not a good thing

Original poster

mckenzie · 30/04/2004 19:03

thanks everyone. Is it to long ago to ell DH off about eh garden incident but DH knows his life is not worht living if he does it again!

DS did a wee on my bedroom carpet today so i did as suggested and made him clear it up wiht me and I also told him that he would not be able to go for a train ride this afternoon asplanned because of it. The look on his face told me that he understood totally.
I think as Lesley76 mentioned that perhaps I shouldn't prtiase him too much for doing wees on the toilet but just try and get him to see that it's normal to do his wees there and therefore doesn't warrant praise etc but that carpet wees are just not on and will result in him not getting to do the ncie thinks that he wants to do, like train rides and LEgoland etc.

We'll be at home a lot this weekend so be interesting to see how we get on. (he does do it at other houses etc. Wish us luck!

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carla · 30/04/2004 19:10

DD1 did this - after being potty trained for about 4 months, would rush to the kitchen and say 'I've had an accident'. It clearly wasn't, and a firm voice managed to stop her doing it again. Still wonder why, though. She laughed all the time

Lesley76 · 30/04/2004 21:04

In my opinion.........they like to do it because its something they can control and you cant!! Its a power thing....

HiddenSpirit · 01/05/2004 09:28

We are going through this with DD at the moment. The difference is, she will be 5 in June With DD it is 1 particular spot on their (3 kids share a bedroom) carpet and it's always in the morning. At first we thought she may not want to come out the bedroom to go to loo for some reason, so we put DS2's potty next to her bed for her to use.

The first morning after we did that, she didn't wee on floor or in potty, instead waited until she was dressed for nursery then stood and wee'd her pants/trousers infront of DP! Yesterday morning she got up and DP noticed she had wee'd her pj's. After her and her brother had gone to nursery/school I went through to strip bed presuming she had had an accident during the night, but the bed was bone dry. Instead she had moved the potty (I placed it in the same spot as where she wee's) then proceeded to wee on the floor again! I must admit we did actually get cross with her as this has been going on for months now with us trying various tactics. The carpet in their room absolutely stinks now We have had plenty of calm chats with her about where you go if you need a wee, but it seems to be going in one ear and out the other, so last night we got strict and put a nappy on her (this was after us saying for the last week or so that if she didn't stop wee'ing on the floor then this is what would happen).

Are we being really horrible parents?

champs · 02/05/2004 17:30

not horrible at all!!!
it is frustrating though!! what did she say/do when you put nappy on her?
another tactic.... and is a bit mean but works, is that you leave them in the wet pants (while they're at at home of course)and before anyone attacks me, it is just a tactic, you can take or leave it. It does work tho, have seen it work with lots of kids, they realise how uncomfortable it is and dont want to do it again. Ofcourse i wouldnt suggest it for a child that is only just being trained, but for a child that has been fully trained and wets on purpose

as for carpet, have you used a steam cleaner?
If you haven't got one, your vacum and some vacum cleaner (neutraliser) like neutrodol or shake and vac is good.

take heart tho, alot of kids go thru phases, as long as their isnt some other reason why she could be doing it (unhappy, stress etc) then she'll grow out of it.

HiddenSpirit · 03/05/2004 10:18

She is getting a nappy on quite happily at night! Also we did dry leaving her in wet pants/trousers, but it doesn't bother her 1 bit, infact if we don't notice a wet patch on them when she's done it, she has the clothes on til bedtime without saying a word

Haven't got a steam cleaner, but did try Neutradol shake & vac thingy, but it didn't work I got stuff from the pet shop for pet accidents and that worked in the bathroom (DP & DS1 having hit & misses) but it hasn't worked on the bedroom carpet (although they have changed suppliers at pet shop so that may be reason).

Think we may have to pull this carpet up and buy something like fake laminate flooring lino until this phase passes as it's getting to the point I'm nearly throwing up when I walk in there Going to try a tip I was given, to put white vinegar on the spot she wee's as it will neutralise the amonia in the wee therefore getting rid of smell (fingers crossed).

Thanks for the advice though Champs

Original poster

mckenzie · 03/05/2004 19:18

sorry to hear about your troubles Hiddenspirit.
Hope the vinegar works re the carpet and maybe, just maybe, your DS will smell the vinegar when she goes to wee and wont like it and will head for the toilet instead.

We've taken the advice given here with DS and have used a bit of bribery (no more trips to LEgoland if you wee on the carpet) and a bit of being very cross and, dare I say it incase I tempt fate, we haven't had any carpet incidents now for 3 days. Fingers crossed.

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