Is there any possibility this is a genuie oversight

[Model5]

rather than an outright lie?

Ds1 is 14yo. When he was 10/11/12 we had a big problem with lying - he would lie almost as an automatic reaction, when there wasn't any need, over the simplest of things.

After some serious sanctions I thought we'd made progress and I haven't caught him out for a couple of years...must maybe he's just got better at it

He is notoriously bad at remembering to hand things in at school. This week he's had two letters to go back. One about a French trip he wants to go on and one about English tutoring he's been offered but is less happy about. I've reminded him every morning but he still had them both yesterday eve. I told him this morning that the French trip is up to him but he absolutely must hand the English one in today, or else! It's been offered because he hasn't made the required progress this year and is not optional as far as I'm concerned.

When he got home tonight his first words were "I've handed in both my letters". I even congratulated him!

Then he went off for the weekend with Scouts and I picked his blazer off the floor only to find the English letter in his pocket. To say I'm furious/sad/disappointed is an understatement. The school want my permission for the tutoring and won't schedule the sessions until they have it.

So, he's for it when he gets home on Sunday. What's his excuse going to be and do I listen when he says he "forgot" he hadn't done it?

It could be an oversight, but it could be a lie too. I am forgetful to the point of ridiculousness and sometimes I think I've done something when I haven't because I've done half a step towards it or I plan how to do it and then somehow assume I've followed through with that or let myself off the hook. Although, more usually I think I haven't done something and I do it twice, but it has happened that I've thought something was done when it wasn't at all.

For example - he planned to pass the office where he needed to hand in the letter on the way to lunch because he had a class which was in that direction. So he let himself off making a special trip to the office at breaktime or first thing, because it was covered. Except that after the class just before lunch, a friend asked him to do something else which took him in a different direction. When he got to lunch, he was nowhere near the office, so he'd totally forgotten, but his brain was still thinking it was fine and covered, totally forgetting the fact that he hadn't actually handed it in at all.

But OTOH if he's developed the lying as an automatic reaction because he's always forgetting things then it could have been that coming back again - especially if he knew he was going away and didn't have to face your wrath for a good few days!

That's exactly the story I'm expecting Bertie. Not sure I'm buying it....

Of course either could be the case. But if he knew he would be in trouble it doesn't make sense that he would have deliberately not given it in. Surely if he really didn't want to do it and he didn't want you to know, he would have thrown it away or otherwise got rid of it.

I reckon he genuinely did forget, because not handing it in on purpose (yet still leaving it in his pocket) seems so unlikely, but whether he realised before he left for camp or not, I don't know. It might be that he realised too late and then lied in the hope you wouldn't notice before he could hand it in on Monday, or he hasn't noticed at all and really thinks it's done (or it will most likely, IME, suddenly occur to him several hours later that in fact when he ran off with Ben to retrieve the football he never in fact passed the office as he planned to do and so........ oohh shit. Hope Mum doesn't wash my blazer.)

If the great plan gone astray is actually what happened, then he needs better strategies. He should have made time for it first thing even if it wasn't as convenient, because in fact making it inconvenient makes it easier to remember to do. Or he could place it in a prominent place, such as inside the exercise book for the lesson immediately preceding the office trip, or in the same pocket as something he's going to use at a time when he can drop it off, like his lunch card or pen or keys or phone. Does he take a phone to school? He could have set a reminder for himself, or promised to text you as soon as it had been delivered or you could have texted him at lunchtime/the end of the day to check.

Surely if he really wanted to lie, he'd just chuck the letter, then argue the office must have lost it when nothing came of it?

How did you get on, OP? Any resolution?