I'm really worried about my 10yo son's behaviour. He's constantly argumentative and has an answer for absolutely everything, he won't take responsibility for anything, he's very immature for his age and constantly winds his 4yo brother up and belittles him at every opportunity. He often acts very "giddy" and silly and, when he's in this mood, he won't listen, won't stop, won't calm down until we reach the point where we end up removing him from the room to settle him. I'd say it was attention seeking, but he'll even act this way when we're doing one-on-one activities with him.
In some ways, I guess most people would say he sounds like a normal 10yo, but it's getting worse and its constant. He's not a bad kid, he's not usually doing anything that we'd consider to be terrible behaviour except when we ask him to stop doing something. As an example, if he's picking on his brother, we'll tell him to stop and he'll pretend he didn't hear and do it again until we reach a point of shouting or physically intervening between them. At this point he explodes with anger, tells us he hates us, that we're stupid, that it's everyone else's fault and starts kicking stuff or throwing stuff etc. He never really gets into trouble for the things that kick off these events. If he'd just stop & apologise at the first time (or even 3rd time!) of telling, he'd basically never get into real trouble. We've explained this to him over and over again for the last 5 years but he just doesn't get it. After the event, he often struggles to explain why he got into trouble in the first place and when we explain it as simply as we can he tries to "get off" on a technicality e.g. "Saying the word baby isn't a bad thing so you can't tell me off for just that".
He's fine at school, his behaviour hasn't caused problems there and he's doing very well academically so this behaviour is only with us, although they do say he needs to be a bit more mature.
Before the Easter holidays he asked for a penknife. Given that we'd has a series of run ins, I said to him that he needed to show me how responsible he could be, show some maturity etc. Fir the first week he managed 2 days (non-consecutively!) of really good behaviour, the other 5 days he spent his time being a pain so I said he'd have to do another week, which he accepted. Tonight was the night I was going to make a decision.
Both boys were playing in the back garden tonight and were bickering (10 yo disallowing a goal on a technicality, as usual) when a fight broke out so I looked through the window in time to see the 10yo pick up an aluminium broom handle and threaten to swing it at the 4yo's head. I could see him holding himself back. I went out and told him to put it down and that I never wanted to see that behaviour again, at which point he said "yeah, yeah, whatever". I told him that, as a result of this behaviour and the backchat, he'd need to wait another week for his penknife. At this he went ballistic. Screaming like a wild animal, he picked up a tricycle and made as if he was going to throw it at a window before dropping it, he was kicking everything he could see, crying and balling up his fists, tearing at his clothes just full of such rage. I can't even describe it. Even now he can't accept that what he did was even worthy of punishment.
I'm worried that he has a real problem and that we need professional help but I don't want social services involved or anything like that but we can't carry on like this, it's having a terrible effect on the family and mine and my wife's relationship plus I hate the impact it's having on the 4yo's behaviour (he's copying a few things).
Any advice would be welcome.