Going to cancel Speech and Language booking - am I doing the right thing?

[misscph1973]

My DS is nearly 8 and he has a stammer. It used to be much worse and I actually think he is doing very well.

When he was 4, he was referred to the speech and language department where we lived (we have since moved) and they were useless, really underfunded (their office was a cupboard and they had a VHS video cam) and didn't have much to offer. First they sent us to a speech group with some other children and their parents, and after an hour of name games, the therapist could still not remember a single name of the 3 present children. Then we have some sessions with another therapist who video taped me and DS and then I watched it and was asked to point out any problems. I couldn't see any and the therapist refused to point any out. They did recommend a book, "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk", I read it twice, and it's excellent.

Well, we moved, and DS was having some settling-in trouble, quite minor, but the SENCO asked to see me with the head teacher and we had a meeting where I personally believe that the SENCO blew it all out of proportion but I did agree to get a referral to the local Speech and language department - the SENCO had not even met my DS at that time and was not worried about his speech, she was worried about his spelling based on a 3 month old report from the teacher who is non maternity leave. This was before Christmas, and I now have the referral. DS has settled and his new teacher is happy with him. The SENCO has since done some tests and she is still concerned about his spelling, but not his speech (to me it looks like she is ticking off boxes and couldn't care less about his speech). I think DS is fine, just not very interested in spelling and that he will get there - in his own time.

I have decided to cancel the booking at the Speech and language department as my DS has a typical frail male ego and I am worried that focusing on his speech will make the stammer worse - and as the SENCO is not worried about his speech, but his spelling, I don't really see the point. I have asked her if I can work with him at home, and she gave me the titles of some good apps. But I do worry - what if the Speech and language department could help? The first one was awful, but surely this one can't be any worse? Am I just worried because I don't know? Am I doing the right thing for my DS?

I think SALT for stammers is very good, particularly for older children. But I too am bemused by why problems settling/poor spelling have = a SALT referral? That doesn't make a lot of sense.

That said, I'd probably go. Even if they only say 'he's doing great' then that's got to be positive, right? And they are so underfunded that what tends to happen for children on the mild end is that the parent is given worksheets and tips (of course this just may be my underfunded LA!).

I don't think going can hurt and it's a good opportunity to model to your DS that asking for help is a good thing.

Thanks, Lonny, I wil give it some thought. DH really wants me to cancel, he thinkss it's a waste of time, so "officially" I am cancelling it, although I will be hassling him with my doubts untill he gives in and then I will probably end up cancelling anyway. I am going to ask on a local mums forum on FB about this department.

I was also very confused about the SENCO re settling in/spelling, I guess because I told her that DS had already been to SALT, she wanted to follow up on it in connection with settling in/spelling.

You haven't said anything to explain why your ds doesn't need to see the SALT. Why don't you want a professional to assess him? You seem quite dismissive of the benefits of speech therapy. My ds also did speech therapy at 4 and benefited a great deal. I'm very concerned by the fact you are being referred again.
Speaking as a parent and as someone who used to work in SEN I can't understand why a parent would be irritated by someone who wanted to ensure everything was being done for their child. I worked in an international school and we had several children who'd been referred for various assessments at around age 7/8 and the parents refused. The children would struggle through until year 6 when the parents would start to panic because they had to reapply for the secondary school. They would come back to the Learning support team but there was very little we could do in less than two terms. It gave us no satisfaction that we were right.
Put it this way, if the GP referred your child for further tests, you wouldn't cancel the appointment. Why when it comes to educational issues do people not trust the opinion of a professional?

My 10yo DD2 has poor spelling and poor articulation in speech, and I believe they are linked.

Quite often, if she sounds out a word to help spell it, she doesn't say the sounds clearly enough for her to hear them correctly, so she then writes the word wrong.

If I say the word, however, she can hear the sounds clearly so gets it right (or at least phonically plausible).

lem,, if you read my post, I have actually written why I am reluctant to take DS to SALT - he has been before, and it was useless. Also, I am worried that it will knock his already low self esteem to be told that he's not good enough. DS was referred again on the suggestion of a SENCO who hadn't even met him, only read a 3 month old report. I think the SENCO is ticking boxes. I am a former teacher and I do trust the opinions of the professional, but I don't think the SENCOs opinion was well founded.

Teen, I have not been able to see any link between my DSs spelling and his speech. He stammers a bit, but his articulation is very detailed. He is also a very good reader.

I guess I need to ring the department and explain my concerns, perhaps arrange a meeting without DS initially.

Yes I did read in your post that you were worried about his self esteem and you were unimpressed with your previous experience of SLT. I am sorry that hear that because I found my son's therapist (he also did group sessions) was a very positive person who did masses for my son's confidence. I wouldn't write off the whole profession. You have moved to a different area and you should be willing to give it a go. Your son still has a stammer at the age of eight. There is a risk of some idiot at school picking on him because of it and that really will affect his self esteem.
As a qualified dyslexia coach I am not aware of any proven causal link between speech problems and dyslexia but I have seen plenty of children experiencing both. Speech therapists try to develop children's phonological skills which will help in reading and spelling. When ds did speech therapy he ended up leaping ahead of others in reading thanks to the exercises he did in speech therapy and the recommendations they gave me to do at home.
Imo a child's confidence will only be dented by an intervention if it is portrayed in a negative way by the parents. If it is presented as a positive thing, the child will feel relaxed.

OK, lem. I guess I am worried that my DS will pick up on my impression of the SALT therapists I have met.

I think I will give them a call and talk to them about my concerns. Maybe they will agree to see me first without him.

I'm truly sorry you've had a bad experience. When my ds went through speech therapy he had a great time because it was all very cosy and positive.

OP, you have nothing to loose from going to the appointment. Best case scenario is being discharged. But if Salt things DS needs support then you can get it in place.

Have a read at the SN board. Parents usually struggle and battle to get referrals; schools don't refer easily. I would under no circumstances cancel but see what Salt says.

Sen/ SALT services are so overloaded that your DS would not have got a referral unless it was really needed. You might be worried about his self esteem being hurt but that's no reason for him not to get the support he may need. No child would ever wear glasses, braces or have additional support in school if everyone prioritised self esteem over actually getting the right help.
When he grows up, he will appreciate that you were trying to help him. He may not be so thankful if he's denied the chance to get the help he needs.

Finally, not all Salt practitioners are useless. Maybe your first experience was with a not so great one.

Please go.
As well as focussing on actual techniques on how to increase fluency including breathing and relaxation techniques, my DS Speech Therapist also covers his feelings towards his stammer and coping strategies when it gets him down.
Speech Therapists they are becoming few and far between. We have had to fight for regular appointments and they have helped DS cope immeasurably.

Your son was 4 when he last went. That was years ago. I think its best to go even if you feel the sencos reasons are weak. Ring ahead and explain about his lie self esteem, so they can be gentle. The best outcome is that he walks away having passed every test, giving himself a pat on the back. The other outcome us that he needs a bit of help and gets it as a result of the referral.

Reread my post and think the tone might have been a bit harsh. It wasn't meant to be.

His esteem and confidence will be more affected by not doing anything about his speech.
As he gets older so does his peers and sometimes children can be cruel to others when they notice a difference.
To get an appointment this quickly means it is warranted.
We had a student come to us that had been on the waiting list for over 3 years. We did as much as we could to help him but with proper specialist help he is a different person. His confidence and esteem is remarkable. He know publicly talks with others outside the school. Prior to this he wouldn't even talk in class if someone new was there.
Don't dismiss it on a bad experience 4 years ago.

I would take him personally and not cancel as they are speech and language therapists - so the emphasis may be more on the language side of things re the spelling. You have nothing to lose by going in with an open mind.

I wouldn't cancel the appointment but would phone ahead to let them know you are worried about his low self esteem. If you refuse this intervention I believe it will make things more difficult if you need to ask for help with anything in the future.

Thank you, it's great to be pushed in the right direction.

all I have asked bout the department on a local Facebook group and all experiences were positive. I have decided to take DS to the appointment - I had this vision of him in Secondary school still with a stammer and me not having done all I could to help him.

He is a sensitive child, but he also puts up a facade. I imagine his speaking does bother him, although he doesn't normally hold back and speaks plenty. I told him he was going, and initially he said "I don't do that anymore" about his stammer - with a lot of stammering! After a short pause, we both started smiling and then laughing, and in the end he was quite positive about it and looking forward to an afternoon off school with mummy.

Brill. I hope it goes well for you both.

Hope it goes well for you. My son was in speech therapy last year and we had good and bad experiences. Where it was bad, it was very damaging to my sons self esteem and I promised him he would never have to see that particular therapist again. On the flip side where it was good, it was brilliant and being able to communicate effectively has certainly been good for his self esteem. Make sure you and your don are happy with whoever you get and it will be great for him. We also went private and that was worth every penny!

Poor speech/speech disorders can be linked to dyslexia which is quite possibly why they want to follow through with a referral to SALT. I hope you and your DS both find it a helpful and positive experience.

I don't think he has dyslexia. He reads well, and actually his spelling isn't so bad, but expectations are high. He is really good with numbers, he excels in maths.

Anyway, now that I have decided to go, I am really looking forward to it.