My toddler has morphed....

[Givemecaffeine21]

My DD is 2.9 and for 2-3 months now she has taken to sulking A LOT. She's never been a big tantrummer (unlike DS who is 22 months and has been throwing whoppers since he was barely a year old) but she sulks all the effing time and it's getting me down. The attitude started around 6 months ago.

If you ask her to do something or correct a behaviour, the lip goes out, the head drops, she makes a Hmmmph noise and stays in that pose for bloody ages. At first it amused me but now it drives me mad because I'm on the receiving end for what seems like most of the day. It's like she's never happy. She makes constant, and I mean constant, demands then strops because they are not met. The second she gets up its ' I want....'.

She's got a huge attitude the last 6 months and it's getting me down. I pick her up from nursery (she goes some mornings) and it starts straight away. She'll huff about carrying or not carrying her bag / picture / anything. She'll ask to sit in DS's car seat then huff when I say no. She'll ask for something else random and then huff because, you know, climbing over the neighbours wall and going on their trampoline be isn't ok, or whatever it happens to be.

This afternoon it was ' I want ice cream!' (Wtf?!) and when I said perhaps later (she actually pretty much never has it so not sure where it came from) she snapped 'I want a drink!'. She got short shrift from me, I'm pretty hot on manners. She knows how to ask nicely and has done since she was tiny but we still go through it every sodding day.

I get that the terrible twos are..well, terrible, but it feels like for the last 6 months I've had constantly horrible behaviour. I joke to DH that she's bullying me because that's how it feels. I do my best and all I get is sulking, whining, pouting, snatching from DS then crying when I give back whatever she has snatched etc.

When will my daughter return?! She's like a little teenager, she literally sneers at me and tosses her head around saying 'I don't WANT to do that'. Help! We do star charts but to be honest even they are not working at the moment as she'll kick off about where the bloody stars are on the chart. Gahhhh!

I know how you feel - I also have a huffing dd. And the demands. And the narrowed-eyed look at me that doesn't feel at all friendly. For the past couple of days I have been saying: this is the behaviour I want, smiley, polite, friendly, not shouting. If she feels angry about something I have said it is OK to express your anger but by talking about it, not sulking, shouting and fighting.

I've always said that parenting mostly boils down to threats and bribery. I have promised dd a playdate with a schoolfriend if she manages to control her temper etc. just for one whole day. It seems to be working. Older dd is helping her too, it's quite sweet.

So that is my pennorth - hope it helps. The main thing is that I know how you feel!

I think star charts don't really work for kids younger than 4. Their life is too immediate for them to be properly effective. That's just my opinion though.

If DS says "I want...." then I just say "Can we ask nicely?". If he doesn't the I just ignore tbh. Same with sulking about something once I've listened and given a reasonable answer. He gets a "I've already said xyz" then just ignore. Sometimes just sitting down and playing with a toy/looking at a book etc until they sidle over works.

Good luck! Some days I find it easier to be patient, some days not so much. Toddlers are stroppy dictators.

I only have two suggestions fwiw:

1. DS (2.8) has just started using please/thank you without prompts and we always recognise when he does: "what lovely manners, DS!" and when DH gets home saying very loudly, "hello DH, DS had such lovely manners today" etc.

1. We give DS a choice of 2 or 3 things whenever feasible - which colour cup would you like? which egg shall I cook you? which socks? which book shall we read first? no you can't have ice-cream, would you like banana or yoghurt? would you like to go to the park or play with mummy in the garden? It gives him some feeling of control over his life rather than being told what to do all the time.