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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

At end of teather with 2yr 7month old. No discipline works!

18 replies

Feathers1981 · 22/04/2015 20:01

I am at a loss of what to to do with our little boy. The naughty step doesn't work. He sits on it but still does the same thing wrong over and over again, even after coming off the step. We've tried taking toys away. We are rewarding good behaviour. He just refuses to listen and do as we ask. For instance today we went out and he sat down and wouldn't move, so I asked nicely 'come on let's go to the park and have a picnic' (both of which he loves), you'd like that wouldn't you? He just responds 'no'. Even if he really wants to, so threatening him with not going is meaningless as he just says he doesn't want to anyway. We have countless battles a day and I don't know what we are doing ?rong ??????.

OP posts:

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SwivelHips · 22/04/2015 20:08

Marking my place! I have similar with my DS, I'm also stuck

CaptainFabulous · 22/04/2015 20:13

Are you me?

DS just dropped his nap and has turned into a tantrumming nightmare. Mainly we:
Ignore
Naughty step for throwing, hitting, etc
Pick him up if we need to go somewhere, he doesn't get to decide!
Still a feckin nightmare. Roll on 3!

SwivelHips · 22/04/2015 20:15

True. If I'm in a hurry I tuck him under my arm and get kicked to bits. Hey ho. We haven't tried naughty step yet, must read up on this. Wine helps...

Original poster

Feathers1981 · 22/04/2015 20:22

I just hate every day out/activity being ruined :(

OP posts:

CaptainFabulous · 22/04/2015 20:25

Me too Feathers, every night this week I've come home after work and bloody wished I was still there.

Quitelikely · 22/04/2015 20:25

This is my ds! Only just turned two but every single outing ends up with me carrying him under my arm and getting kicked, him screaming and then refusing his car seat!

It's temporary. Another year at most. Keep calm ladies (says me)

Anyone else have trouble with putting them in the car seat?

CaptainFabulous · 22/04/2015 20:29

I note we all have sons. My daughter was a flipping angel compared to this wee monster!

Model5 · 22/04/2015 20:30

What you describe today is just a tantrum, even if he's not kicking and screaming and as with all tantrums they need to be 100% completely ignored, every single time and they soon stop.

At 2.7 I'd have picked him up and taken him if he refused to move. Tantrums must never succeed then the toddler soon learns there's no point.

When they kick off in public - that's when the relaxation breathing exercises they taught you for labour really come in useful

Model5 · 22/04/2015 20:31

You're not allowed to day that here Captain, but yes I have sons too! Teens now and I might occasionally have a little chuckle about what all those mothers of perfect girl children are currently facing....

CaptainFabulous · 22/04/2015 20:35

Yes I am being naughty and a bit facetious, but it's bloody true!

Quitelikely · 22/04/2015 20:36

Yes model you are right about breathing!

I immediately take myself of to another place in my head so that I don't end up getting angry at ds but I do feel embarrassed by his behaviour!

Eating out with him at the minute is a nightmare because he just wants to run out of the cafe unless I let him eat a packet of sugar from the centre of the table! Yes really. He's unique

Model5 · 22/04/2015 20:49

Unique? Nah. That's what the sugar's there for.

NanaNina · 22/04/2015 20:57

I think this little boy is behaving like a 2.7 year old! He's too young to be disciplined - hate the naughty step idea - he's too young to understand the concept anyway. If he's doing something you don't want him to do - distraction is the answer - pick him up - "ooh lets go and look at the XYZ" anything to distract him. I think taking toys from small children is a really unkind thing to do, well any age really (other than a teenager!) and you're expecting him to understand abstract concepts like "threatening him with not going to the park" - children are concrete thinkers and are just not able to understand abstract concepts.

I think you should try and be a bit more relaxed and concentrate on positive parenting (praising for what he does well, or does as you want) be a bit dramatic "wow how good are you........" a few claps maybe. Children pick up on tension in their parents and this causes oppositional behaviour. You are expecting things to turn out badly before you even start, and so there will be tension. Spend time with him playing with his cars (or whatever he's into) and try and have some fun - a little chasing game maybe in the house, or jumping on the bed........quiet times as well looking at picture books. Change your mindset and I'm sure you will see a difference in your little one - AND have you ever heard of "terrible 2's"!! Children of this age aren't able to regulate their emotions and so they need to be helped - soothed when they are tantrumming, or upset. Parents need to stay calm, otherwise the child gets scared and his behaviour will get worse.

And he won't always be 2.7..........!

NoraRobertsismyguiltypleasure · 22/04/2015 21:02

Do you give your child a plan of the day? At breakfast time or when he gets up tell him the rough plan of the day, throughout the day give forewarning of what will be happening. Toddlers do not like things to be thrust unexpectedly on them, it feels unsafe. If you want to get out the door by 10am then start talking about going out at 9.30 (or earlier).
I find this very helpful with my DD (2.5years).
Have a look at Aha parenting website - it's full of helpful tips.

BertieBotts · 22/04/2015 21:03

Yep, unfortunately this is just what they call the terrible twos! :)

A lot of it is developmental. What kind of thing are you using the step for at the moment? If it's not working then you need to try a different approach, but possibly just accept that he's not yet old enough to understand what it is you want him to do. At 2.7 he's definitely not old enough to listen and do as you ask straight away - you need to get creative.

I'll see if I can dig some links out for you. It's a great age, it just takes some trial and error to get into the right "groove" with them, it would be a shame to miss out on the nice parts because you're feeling frustrated about stuff that you can't change yet. Don't worry. I'm sure you're doing great.

BertieBotts · 22/04/2015 21:08

Here we go, a nice one to start. I really like Andrea Nair who I follow on facebook. She's literally just done an article today about how to get a toddler out of the door without battling: www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-nair-connect-four-parenting/20150413/tips-to-get-toddlers-out-door-on-time

(Her articles always have lots of links to previous articles too, so they mesh together really well. Worth following the other links once you've read the first one.)

Then there is Aha Parenting which I mostly like, around 95%. The author can occasionally be a bit smug and head-in-the-clouds. But this one is very good. Terrific Twos - This is a really nice breakdown of the whole 1-3 age stage with lots of tips and strategies.

captainproton · 22/04/2015 21:11

With my two, if one of them is showing signs of a tantrum brewing, it's time for a nap. I ask them are you tired? You sound tired? They either say no and quit messing about, or start going off on one and then it's off for a nap before they go beyond it. We still use the double buggy for emergency timeouts when out. My eldest is nearly 3 and some days she has nap and others she can go without. I also try to let them make their own decisions, say 2 choices, playdoh or painting, park or garden? Peas or sweet corn? It doesn't always work, but I find if they don't get to make some decisions we end up with more power struggles. Failing that the under arm carry is always a last resort. Oh and I try to do boring things they hate being dragged along to in the morning. Things are twice the battle after lunch and nigh on impossible by tea time.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 22/04/2015 21:13

I have a 2.5 year old DS and a 1.5 year old DD

DS is an angel at classes and when out and about with other children but had recently developed a pathological hatred of DD. However, he also can't leave her alone so I spend the entire day at home doing crowed control. What works for us is:

Distraction - fine if he's just niggling her. I can get him to get a book and we read and he ignores her

naughty step - used for one off hitting. He hates it because he hates DD having time with me when he's out of the room.

Cot - this is the ultimate threat and for very, very bad behaviour such as thumping DD very hard where I need to calm her down and actually we all need space. Never left in it for more than 2 minutes though

Naughty step and cot are also threatened for repeats of more minor misdemeanours - such as chucking stuff at DD. Works well as he hates them so tends to stop as he knows I'll follow through

Withdrawl of thomas the tank engine viewing privileges - tv is quite strictly rationed so this again works quite well at neutralising incidents before things kick off

Hope some of these work - I sound a right tartar!

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