Calling all arachnophobes! How do you avoid passing on your fear?

[cazzabazz]

So, I'm terrified of spiders, particularly big ones, to the point where I start hyperventilating when I see one (and we seem to get a lot of the huge ones in our house)....this morning, I saw one in the bath/shower literally 2mins after I'd vacated it (so it could have been in there with me!), and it was the size of my HAND, with antennae and everything....didn't even know you could get house spiders that big! I screamed, ran downstairs to find a suitable shoe (setting the house alarm off in the process), eventually managed to squish it at the second attempt, and then ran into the bedroom shaking and in tears, as I started having a panic attack. My dh told me off for letting it affect me so much, saying "I don't want you passing on your fear to our children" (I'm currently 10.5 weeks pregnant), but how can I stay calm when my phobia's so strong? (He didn't see it, that beast this morning was literally like something out of a horror film!!) I've heard that exposure therapy can help, but there's no way I'm trying that (need to avoid those evil monsters wherever possible!), but I also don't want our kids to run screaming from a room whenever they see a big spider (I can deal with the smaller ones). Have any of you fellow arachnophobes managed to avoid passing on your fears to your kids, and if so, how?

I feel your pain. Hilariously, both me and dh are terrified of spiders, literally both as bad as each other. Luckily we live in a spider-free house (about 3 moderately sized ones in the 6 1/2 years we have lived here, and we are in the South West!) so thus far the children have had no reason to be scared and ds1 happily picks up pretty large garden spiders all the time. You might find that your protective instincts override your personal fears once you have dc (maybe) but honestly if I were you I would consider some sort of therapy, if only for your own quality of life. Or get a cat. Or buy my house off me when we move.

Well done for killing the f*er by the way.

Thanks! We live in a lovely suburban area of Edinburgh (so no chance of buying your house I'm afraid!!), and have guinea pigs (so can't get a cat either!) but our house is right near a park so we get a fair few spiders, especially in autumn (although I've seen 3 massive ones in the last couple of weeks). I wish we got the tiny ones instead, as they don't move so fast and aren't anywhere near as creepy! I would have got dh to deal with this morning's beast, but he was in the other bathroom. Now if I could train our future children to deal with them for me, then that would be ideal...!!

I'm pretty scared of spiders - and am also resistant to suggestions I cure myself (I'm trained to do this for others!) as I know exactly what is involved
So far, three year old ds does seem to have my fear...at least of spiderwebs that I've seen. But he's also a wuss like me so could be that instead! Dh has tried to counter my behaviour by engaging in spider 'tickling' with ds (yes, makes me shudder too) and I don't think he's seen my reaction that much. I did scream the other day when a huge one appeared in the bath while I was showering though...

In your situation I'd probably move!

I'm not scared of spiders but I'm very afraid of birds. Geese and pigeons especially. I really don't want ds to be scared of them too and I was worried before he was born but actually having him with me and not wanting him to be scared has actually made me much less scared if that makes sense. It's like it's rationalised an irrational fear!

The other day I went in the bathroom and a huge, black hairy spider was there on the floor. DD (2.9 years) had been in already and said 'there's a spider in my bathroom mummy" and I had just ignored it as she's a toddler and often has dinosaurs in her poo or monkeys in her drink. Well basically I screamed when I saw it and slammed the door shut. She thought it was hilarious. She was chortling away saying 'you not like spiders mummy! You scared of spiders mummy'.

Now when she sees one outside she alerts me and says SHE doesn't like them, but I just tell her they are fine in the garden, mummy doesn't mind them in the garden as they live there, but mummy doesn't like them in the house.

I impulsively scream when I see a big spider, I can't help it - if she's scarred for life it's no doubt my fault, but hopefully she'll be braver than me and get the little buggers out of the house for me! I can't even Hoover them up or squish them as that means getting too close so DH does it. I'Ve left one under a glass before waiting for anyone brave to visit!

I'm seriously freaked out by spiders, I can't bear to get close enough to squish them and if there's been one in a room I'm jumpy in there for weeks, even if I've seen DH dispose of it!
However... since having dd (2.9) I've managed to tone it down. So I'll be able to move away calmly and say "Oh look DD, a spider. What do you think his name is, shall we call him Fred? How many legs do spiders have?" And other inane drivel until DH deals with it. I'm still freaked out but very aware of the affect my behaviour has.
She's not keen, doesn't run screaming but is clearly unhappy near a spider, but then she's the same around worms and I happily pick those up in the garden to show her so I think she just has a normal healthy aversion to things that move in a strange way!

Have a friend who was scared of them to the extent of running out of the flat in her pants and waiting for someone to come home to deal with a big one. She did the exposure therapy without too much discomfort and is much, much better. Worth a think.

I have the same problem with flying and worry so much about scaring DS when we fly together. Exposure doesn't seem to help, though.

I'm not terrified as such but don't like them. I force myself to tolerate them and indicate to my ds that they're helpful creatures by explaining that they keep flies away and have cute names like Sydney. I'm able to hold money spiders and ask my dh to carefully remove bigger ones under a glass.

I react similarly to other things I'm scared of. Except wasps. I hate wasps with a passion and would dearly love to exterminate every single last one of them because they contribute absolutely nothing to life. In instances of wasp annoyance i pretend to be dancing a rain or sundance with accompanying yelps. Ds is 4 though so that might not work for much longer....