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Original poster

Shut up you idiot

16 replies

AwfulBeryl · 21/04/2015 18:43

Is what my 4 year old DS said to me when I asked him to wash his hands. Shock
He picked up this lovely little phrase from Toy Story, started shouting it at his twin brother - who shouted it back, and it became a bit of an "in thing" for them.
At first I ignored it because I thought they would stop.
Then they started shouting it in public, either in a shop or toilet or anywhere lots of people could hear and judge.
So then I reminded them to use kind words yada yada yada. Or hissed stop it right now, depending on how many looks I got or how fed up I was.
It seems to be a bit of a habit now. They say it to us (me and dp) which they know is wrong, a lot of the time they apologise straight away because it slipped out, or when they have calmed down (if they blurt it out in anger)
What do I do ? Confused
I didn't expect this back chat and insults malarkey to happen so soon. I thought I had until the teenage years for that.
Is it normal ?

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sidsgranny · 21/04/2015 19:01

Am not sure if this is a wind up? The world has gone completely mad if children can't say the word idiot. Really OP you need to get a grip. Your DS could be coming out with far worse when he starts school.

Original poster
AwfulBeryl · 21/04/2015 19:10

Well, it was supposed to slightly tongue in cheek, a bit of a lighthearted moan about school age children. I am aware that they could be saying much worse.

Thanks for the grip though.

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JimmyCorkhill · 21/04/2015 19:27

I wouldn't like my DC to be saying this and I'm generally a pretty relaxed parent when it comes to poo jokes/last one upstairs has a spotty bum etc. We don't like the DC to call people stupid. So DD1 thinks of it as a swear word. I know it's pretty mild but it's the intention behind the words and 'shut up you idiot' is quite a mean thing to say too. I do think it's a testing of boundaries though. Maybe don't respond or maybe say "next time you say that I will [insert punishment here]".

Original poster
AwfulBeryl · 21/04/2015 19:36

Thanks Jimmy, like sidsgranny helpfully pointed out there is a lot worse they could be saying, but telling someone to shut up isn't great, nor is the idiot part, especially as it's not really meant in a "joshing" way, they mean it as an insult. Grin
Everything seems to be about testing boundaries ATM. Everything. Grin

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Georgethesecond · 21/04/2015 19:39

If it has become "a thing" then you have two choices - ignore, ignore, ignore. Or punish every time until they stop. Minor punishment, obviously. And I would really Prefer a natural consequence to anything else, but I can't think of one. Helpful, I know.

mindexplode · 21/04/2015 19:44

I have 5 yrear old twin boys

The language gets worse, as does the lack of respect.

Divide and conquer seems to be the only method to keep order in our house

Original poster
AwfulBeryl · 21/04/2015 20:19

What sort of punishments do you all give out ?
I have tried stuff like confiscating toys or not letting them play on my iPad. None of them seem to bother them, they just go off and do something else. Hmm. They're frustratingly resilient, benign neglect has a lot to answer for.

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MarthaMonkeynuts · 21/04/2015 20:26

I would not accept 'shut up you idiot' in our home. It's unkind. The natural consequence for being unkind in our house is that you have to go away from the family rooms (the lounge/kitchen/garden) until you are ready to come back with us and be kind. To be fair, there are days when I could scream 'shut up you idiots' to the DC. If I feel the urge, I take myself off away from everyone until I can come back and be kind.

Original poster
AwfulBeryl · 21/04/2015 20:43

I have tried something along those lines Martha, the thing is they come back and say sorry - pretty much straight away. They do seem suitabley contrite, but it just seems to slip out again.

They manage to slip it in to ordinary conversation somehow.

Dt1 can you pass me that bit of Lego please
Dt2 shut up, you idiot
Dt1 thank you, you idiot.

Dt1 that's ok
Dt2 shut up.
Me Hmm

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PickledSprout · 23/04/2015 22:22

My DD has started to say this too. Was wondering where on earth she had heard the phrase. Damn Toy Story!

Original poster
AwfulBeryl · 24/04/2015 07:10
My dts say it exactly the way Woody does, in exactly the same tone. For anything they don't agree with - hand washing, teeth brushing, shoes on. They're watching CBeebies ATM, surely Paostman Pat can't lead them astray ?
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LittleLionMansMummy · 24/04/2015 10:25

I object more strongly to 'shut up' than 'idiot' tbh and have asked both my dh and my ds (also 4) to not say it. My explanation is always they have no right to tell someone to shut up and should always listen even if they don't agree. If they genuinely need someone to be quiet they should say 'please be quiet for a moment because...' I also hate it when my ds refers to people as 'stupid' and explain it's not kind to say that about someone else. I wouldn't mind (as much) if he was saying it in anger or retaliation but he says it like it's a fact and for no apparent reason!

LittleLionMansMummy · 24/04/2015 10:29

Oh and I generally get him to stop by getting down to his eye level and very quietly and calmly explaining. I don't give out punishments though as i think it's just their way of exploring language. Much better to just quietly correct!

Midorichan · 25/04/2015 13:28

It's a really unkind thing to say, and some people need to be the one to get a grip and understand this and not be so judgemental about what makes some people unhappy. I was called an idiot all through my childhood by adults (teachers, and my father) and when other kids said to me "you idiot", it just drove it home all the more how stupid I am. I'm 31 now, and still have massive issues with being stupid thanks to supposedly harmless insults growing up (yes, I'm sensitive, but I also have mild autism so maybe that's why). I wouldn't let my children say something like this to other children because whilst, yes, it's not a swear word etc, there are pre-boundaries that're are good to set and I'm a firm believer in starting as you mean to go on. It's just not a nice thing to say.

nobodyknowswheremyjonnyhasgone · 25/04/2015 13:49

Not allowed in our house, how everyone speaks to each other is one of the strictest rules, although am probably totally lax in things that others would think are important. Much easier to build this into early years rather than deal with mouthy 10 year olds. They'll still be mouthy and cheeky and answer back but there's a the bar is quite high in terms of what's expected so now, if at 10, we're called an idiot its considered pretty outrageous and pretty quickly retracted!

If they copy something off the TV I told them that TV is made to make people have a reaction, to make it interesting, but it didn't mean it was ok to speak like that in real life.

Will have to wait til we're through the teens to know if we've succeeded I suppose.

Original poster
AwfulBeryl · 25/04/2015 15:51

Thanks Midorichan, you're not stupid.
Tbh I do think it's just another one of those phases that will pass - eventually. A bit like the colic, teething, biting and tantrums.

It just makes me cringe a bit to hear them say it (even if there is worse things they could be saying) they're only 4 !!! Especially as it's quite often.
I think they will grow out of it though, I do agree that boundaries do need to be set at an early age. There's no point in trying to install them when it's gone too far.

They are pretty well behaved kids, they are brilliantly behaved at school Shock so I suppose they have to let the naughty out somewhere.

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