Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

DS (5) and 'bad thoughts'

10 replies

IHeartKingThistle · 20/04/2015 22:58

DS has always been very smiley and loving and gentle but also sensitive and cautious. He's the type to worry about a little thing for days before telling us. He's August - born but doing great at school, generally a lovely happy boy. He says nothing has happened at school to worry him.

This week he's told me that sometimes at night he gets 'bad thoughts' and his good thoughts aren't strong enough to zap them away. He has said more than once 'there's something wrong with my brain'. I've asked him what the bad thoughts are - are they worries? He says no, he can't understand the bad thoughts because they're in different languages. He doesn't know what they are but he knows they're bad. He says he can't actually hear them, they're in his brain and he can't stop them and it makes him sad.

He says all this in a calm way but it makes my heart go cold. Once he's asleep, which can take a while, he's fine, doesn't wake in the night, wakes up happy.

I'm veering between thinking this is just what 5 year olds do sometimes - maybe he's been watching too much Ninjago or just expressing himself in language that is more worrying than it needs to be - and worrying that he's going to have MH problems in the future, wondering what I can do to help him. He honestly is fine the rest of the time - he's been a bit tearful this week but then he's had less sleep. DH has been working abroad almost every week this year, but again he deals with it really well. I also wondered if he'd picked up on a line from the Twits which we have in our bathroom - the one about if you have lovely thoughts you will always look lovely. We listened to the audio book in the car recently.

I'm really over thinking this but I'd love some advice. Should I be worried? Anyone else had a sensitive child say similar things? DH and I have given him some great advice about how to zap his bad thoughts and how talking about worries makes them smaller, but I'm worried for him.

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 20/04/2015 23:10

Bump?

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 20/04/2015 23:39

I should add that I've been extremely breezy and positive with him about this! I'm pretty sure he's not picked up that I'm worried.

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 21/04/2015 07:43

no-one?

OP posts:
MagersfonteinLugg · 21/04/2015 07:53

You have described my DS to a tee.
He comes out with some comments that make my jaw drop. ATM he keeps saying he wants to take his brain out aS he is an idiot. It's so heartbreaking.
I think he is just a very sensitive little boy but I do worry about what is going on in his head.
Getting them to open up and talk is hard. Do you have older relatives he might talk to such as grandparents?
He may feel more relaxed telling them his feelings IYSWIM
Mine also watches ninja go.

IHeartKingThistle · 21/04/2015 08:16

Thanks so much for replying - glad to know it's not just mine! I think you're right about talking - if he gets used to talking about his feelings now I hope it will be easier for him to do it when he's older.

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 21/04/2015 10:59

He woke up bubbly and chatty and asking questions about space rockets this morning. He's clearly not a distressed child - so where's all this coming from?

OP posts:
MagersfonteinLugg · 21/04/2015 13:01

My DS sometimes talks about his "other" family. The dad is 60 the mum is 45 and he has a younger brother and older sister.
In real life his dad is 50 mum 48 and an olderbrotherand older sister.
He even describes the house they live in.
He is not adopted and has never lived anywhere but the house we are in now.
I am starting to believe in reincarnation.

Ferguson · 21/04/2015 20:21

I don't think there are any serious or sinister dimensions to this sort of concern.

Children today are exposed to much 'stronger' horror, death and destruction scenes in the news, films and cartoons than ever before, and the sensitive or thoughtful (and therefore probably more intelligent) child will absorb a certain amount of it, which will linger in their memory. When they are alone, or quiet in bed, these thoughts may seep into their conciousness.

At five they probably don't yet have the language to explain their feelings or fears in any meaningful way.

Avoid, as much as is possible, potential unsavoury or disturbing TV or films, but obviously you cannot shield them from everything.

BlackSwan · 21/04/2015 21:44

I don't think it's all about TV etc. I think these kids are actually very self aware - they realise they are anxious and they're telling someone about it. My 5 year old told me he has a bad feeling.. 'in my guts' - he definitely gets anxious. At least I know he trusts me enough to share these thoughts with me. I have bought a few books about emotions by Brian Moses on amazon 'Your emotions'... about being sad, angry, frightened...I think it helps the discussion... but personalities are what they are...we can only let our kids know we are there for them.

IHeartKingThistle · 21/04/2015 22:47

Thanks so much for the replies - it's really reassuring. I suspect he may be someone who is prone to anxiety but BlackSwan you're so right that at least he's telling me! I suppose I need to see this as my opportunity to teach him how to help himself feel better - as a fairly anxious person myself I know it's not easy!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page