How to discipline my 3 years old in front of others

[Mongui]

Dear all,

My son is three and a half and he is generally a good boy. He is funny, lively and very affectionate. Of course he has his days but he is quite manageble.

Nevertheless he seems to be a very excitable and somehow influenciable little boy and he tends to misbehave in a way which is not himself in certain situations. As a way of example, when my family come to visit and stay with us, he challenges me all the time and he can be really difficult and disobedient.

Another situation in which he is likely to misbehave is when we meet up with some of his friends. In particular, one of his friends seems to be as excitable as my son and when they are together my son can be really naughty and really pushes the bounderies as far as he possibly can.

My question. Why does he do this? Why does he push the bounderies so much in these situations? Also, how do I disciplime my child in public places or in front of others? I do but sometimes I loose my temper simply because he is soo difficult in these circunstances. An of course I feel really bad and it is also embarrasing.

He acts out because he thinks he can get away with it. If you are inconsistent, he will know that his bad behaviour may not be challenged. Do what you would do at home, regardless of where you are or who is watching.

We have done time out in the middle of dinner with friends, in the middle of a shopping centre with him lying on the floor, in a restaurant and, my favourite, sitting on a bin in the park with friends (we needed somewhere he was at eye level because it was wet and I didn't want to get muddy knees!).

Get down to eye level with him, use your low and serious voice, and tell him it is not okay to x y z. Then if he does it again, use a warning and a consequence. e.g. boys who yell can't stay inside because yelling is for outside. And if he does it again, carry out the consequence straight away.

Same as it is at home or anywhere really. I'm pretty sure other parents respect the need for discipline. You don't need to be embarrassed if you're calm, consistent and firm.

I've always taken my DD outside/around the corner etc. Got down to her level and in a stern voice I explained why it's not ok what she was doing and what were the consequences.
I also used to count to 3. Never made it to 3 though.

Also be sure you aren't expecting too much of him- he's only 3 and meeting a friend is very exciting. Is it possible to ignore the silliness? They might calm down if there's no attention on them.

it should be embarassing NOT to discipline your child for bad behaviour. I never had any problem doing so in front of other people but I dont lose my temper unless they do something violent or dangerous. If they were being really challenging I might have to take them away because that would be one of the consequences of bad behaviour but generally a child will stop behaving badly if that is threatened.

Mine also gets excited around extra people. I tell her in advance how I need her to behave, (there are certain kids she will squeal with if they can!) - eg when we go swimming you need to do as you are told first time. If she does it, I say how proud I am, I am happy to take her to see these people / go swimming again soon. There may also be a reward of 5 minutes playing a game on a tablet.
Works sometimes. We had tears yesterday as she did not earn computer time. It works on the 'important days' best as I spend ages prepping her!

Thanks everyone. I do discipline him in front of others, of course. But I think there are certain situations where it is complicated to do what you would do in any other context and be as firm, calm and cold temper as I aim to be. And I think he knows that and takes advantage. He is very mischievous. I remember very clearly my own thinking process when I was a child and I knew my parents where in a complicated situation to discipline me 100%....
There was something "funny" about seeing my parents going red even though I knew that they would not be happy and they would take actions once we were out of the situation.
Maybe my child is like that.
It is soo hard to be a parent sometimes!

I've done time out in public places, but usually after I've already taken him to one side and quietly explained what will happen if he continues to act up. Ds hates being told off in front of people and we discovered it actually made him react worse (screaming like we were physically hurting him). He listens to a quiet, stern voice.

Yes, that is the same in my case, Littlelion. My boy hates being told off in front of others and you are right, taking him to one side and talking to him in a firm, low and stern voice usually works, now that I think about it.

Thank you all for your advice!