Obsessive behaviours - should I be concerned?

[thinkingmakesitso]

Ds is nearly 6 and I am concerned about some behaviours he has recently developed. He loves the Rainbow Fairies books and has discovered some YouTube videos of other children discussing their collections - lining up their books in order, explaining what they have and haven't got, talking about the fairies and their attributes etc. Ds has got obsessed with these videos and watches them as often as he can - screen time is limited, but more on a 'right that's enough' basis than strict timings. We are at the end of the two weeks holiday and he has spent every spare minute lining up his books, basically re-enacting these videos, replete with 'American' accents. We have been away for a few days and he was at his Dad's for a few days, and we have had a fair few outings, but at home has played with NO toys, refused offers to do craft (previously enjoyed), play boardgames (loved before) etc and can be heard reciting his books' title and lining them up at all times. He has played outside with his brother a fair bit, but it is awful how much time he has spent doing this. If it was a computer game I would be in no doubt that it was too much. He does read the books (independently) and discusses the plots etc a bit, but the majority of his time is spent lining them up and asking when I will buy him more.

Tonight it suddenly hit me and I felt overcome with, I don't know, a sense of depression at how limiting it is and told him the books are to stay on his shelf apart from when being read and he is banned from YT. I also said I would not be buying anymore of these books for a good long while. Is this too harsh/inadvisable? It was nearly bedtime, so no real impact today, but tomorrow will be hell if I stick to it.

He has always been a bit obsessive and had 'crazes' on things - Frozen ,wearing a princess dress everywhere - I stopped that, not due to an gender 'issues', but because I could sense it was becoming a 'crutch' and he couldn't leave the house without it. I had such crazes myself as a child and still do now, though obviously not as 'ferociously', but I am concerned at the lack of play. If he was mad about the fairies and spoke about them day and night and played fairies all day it would be fine, but the lining up concerns me.

If it is relevant he is in top groups at school where he also has perfect behaviour, is shy but does have friends and seems very happy overall. Does anyone have any advice please - I am very worried about him.

Apart from these deep interests, being in top groups in school and being shy, you don't seem to be describing a child with autism but, if you were, the advice would be not to remove the books and youtube videos altogether because they are performing a function for him. Children with autism use this sort of repetitive play to manage their anxiety.

Lining things up and watching things you know off by heart are very soothing activities for children who find the world an unpredictable, even chaotic place. It is their way of restoring order and enabling themselves to relax. By taking this away from your DS you could be increasing anxiety and making him need it more, leading to a vicious circle.

I would limit his screen time and allow him some time to play with the books while also making sure they are put away at certain predictable times and encouraging him to explore some other activities.

Thank you for replying. Can I ask - in what way am I not describing an autistic child - you list the ways he is similar, but I have not really mentioned any other details about him so it seems that all the details I have mentioned suggest autism? Is that right? Genuine question, btw, as I have never thought about ds2 in this light before. Ds1 I have had concerns about and often wondered whether he may be autistic, but not ds2. It is just the lining up and his teacher mentioning recently that he gets upset over little things, which I suppose he does. I don't know - have recently split with h, who always insisted everything with dc was 'fine', but feeling the weight of responsibility alone and feeling so unsure about what to ignore and what to examine further.

but I have not really mentioned any other details about him so it seems that all the details I have mentioned suggest autism?

There are so many aspects of a child's development that can be affected by autism that just two or three aspects of a child's behaviour could never be enough to paint any sort of useful picture either way. It's called a pervasive developmental disorder precisely because it has effects across many areas of a child's development.

Children with high functioning Autism are commonly highly academically able, shy and can work hard to fit in at school to the point that they seem to be ideal pupils. However, they often fall to pieces when they get home due to the stress they have experienced and the exhaustion as a result of working so hard to fit in.

Children with Autism also often have sensory sensitivities which affect what they can wear or eat and what sounds and smells they can tolerate. They can be quite rigid in their thinking and their need for routines, making it hard for them to cope with plans changing or regular routines being disrupted.

They can have difficulty understanding and managing their own emotions, leading to outbursts that appear to be like tantrums beyond the age that tantrums are considered developmentally appropriate.

Planning and organising their own thoughts and actions can be difficult too, as a result of impaired executive function, making them more reliant on adults to talk them through stages of tasks or organising themselves than their age and intelligence might suggest.

There are lots of other aspects to Autism and no two children have the same pattern of difficulties so perhaps you can now see that, although the behaviours you describe might be fairly common in children with Autism, you're a long way from painting a picture of a child with the condition.

That, however, doesn't mean that the deep interests aren't fulfilling a similar need for consistency and predictability in the same way they might for a child with the condition and that's what makes me wonder if taking them away altogether is a good idea.