Anxious/depressed 7 year old

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My DD keeps crying and saying she's sad, and she's started picking at her skin in new situations (eg. new dance class). I have gently tried to get to the cause, more forcefully tried to get to the cause, and while I know she is having problems with a girl at school, I don't think that's the whole story. There is a family history of mental health problems, starting young. The school and I are are working on the girl at school issue, but I am aware DD is going to meet nasty people throughout life, and wish to build resilience and help. She's not down all the time, and was really happy in the holidays, and the picking stopped.

Any advice, please, on how to help? Has anyone got any book recommendations?

I'd suggest you look at her wheat intake, it's been known to cause depression in some people, there's a book called Grain Brain.

Maybe also try not putting her in situations like new dance classes ;did she ask to go? if that's the case then stay with her there if poss.

Urm, I'm not convinced by the wheat suggestion, I believe the only reason to exclude wheat is coeliac disease, but thank you.

She asked to go to the dance class. I use it for childcare, so can't stay, and if I asked her whether she's nervous, she'd deny it. She denies ever feeling anxious, just 'sad', and cries.

Do anyone have any books or resources they've used with DC to build resilience?

I have a six yr old and he was having problems expressing his feelings - we went back to square one with this book. It is aimed at a lower age group, but we needed a reboot of how he could say what he was feeling, not just the anger. We found out he was suffering from an illness, which cause sleep / tiredness issues in class.

www.amazon.co.uk/Great-Big-Book-Feelings/dp/1847802818/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1429214163&sr=8-1&keywords=feelings+books+for+children

I also started taking him swimming to relax and he would talk more there, as I'd found we had lost our bond in the mist of him being tired / angry.

Ask teachers to check if she is eating ok - sometimes they are so wrapped up in getting to playtime that they don't eat much leading to a slump in energy and resulting feelings.

Start with trying to express her feelings, then progress to resilience. I know you already speaking to the school, maybe speak to the SEN teachers - they have techniques and games, etc to help in this area. They would also be able to advise on next step if needed.

We found 'what to do when you worry too much' really helpful. It's on Amazon. Lots of great reviews and me and my son enjoyed doing it together. It helped.

Thank you! That's exactly what I was looking for. The school do have someone who offers emotional support, but it goes to those who are naughty (so I bet the girl who's causing this is getting the help, but then, she probably needs it!), rather than a well behaved, sad girl like mine. :(

I've ordered both the books (thanks Amazon), and am going to make sure we get some time just the two of us this weekend. Swimming is a great idea.

I would ask the GP for a referral to CAHMS for support for your dd.

I'm not sure we warrant CAMHS. I'd like to try self care, first, CAMHS are under-resourced, and have little they can offer a child who isn't self harming, I should think. I do think the picking is more anxiety related than 'self harm' motivated, if you see what I mean?

Your poor DD and you. I was that anxious, sad seven year old, and being given time and space by my parents to talk about what was worrying me helped. Also, that they created a very effective 'outside school' environment - such as maximising time with relatives, church friends etc that it meant that what was going on at school wasn't the be all and end all. Sadly, I just happened to get into a 'bad' year in school and bullying continued despite everything possible being done by parents and school, but the outside school friends totally made up for it.

Hope she comes through the other side soon.

School support from SEN should be available to all children who have issues - it is in our school, whether good or "naughty". We have chats about techniques - ask to speak to someone, sometimes its not automatically offered if behavioral problems aren't evident in class.

I have also just bought 'sitting still like a frog" - book and cd to help anxiety, concentration and handle difficult emotions. We have only just got it so unable to feed back, but has good reviews - so maybe also worth a look for you.

With the swimming, don't teach anything - just mess around! Often found it best after school before dinner / bed. Another, is going to a farm - just feeding animals, walking etc. Basically, an outing with no objective and just to relax / connect again.

You could also focus on planning holidays together, activities, restaurants, picnics etc - so she is aware of the downtime coming for half term / summer holiday. Holiday day camps are great for building confidence - sport centres, private schools are often good ports of call for these.