Pretending to be ill to avoid pre-school

[happypotamus]

before the Easter break, DD, who is nearly 4, told us that she felt sick and couldn't go to pre-school. This year she has had a few brief sickness bugs so she knows that if she is sick she has to stay at home for a few days. That morning she got a blanket and sat on the settee looking sad. Not entirely convinced, we reminded her about all the fun things she would be missing (an Easter egg hunt and rabbits were visiting) but she maintained that sadly she would miss that because she was poorly. Not sure whether to believe her or not because she didn't look ill, I stopped pushing the issue and she eventually admitted she wasn't feeling poorly, got dressed and went to pre-school late.

Is this a normal thing for 3/4 yr olds to do? What can we do?
I spoke to the pre-school staff who said she is always happy there, and she always says she had a good time when we pick her up at the end of the day. She has been going to the pre-school for about a year, but it attached to the nursery she has been going to happily since she was 10 months old.

I have been worrying over Easter that she is so unhappy that she would pretend to be ill. Also, she is already saying she doesn't want to go to 'big school' so what is this continues there? Or am I over- reacting?

I think she will probably calm down, I wouldn't necessarily think she is unhappy at preschool, she may just want to be with you instead! Could be just testing what she can get away with :D

Ours have tried it a few times. I generally send them in unless there's a visible temperature/vomiting/not eaten breakfast.
I tell the staff they are a bit borderline and tell the child that if they really feel awful when they're there to tell someone and I'll pick them up. They never have.

Doesn't mean that she's unhappy.
Dd1's first year at preschool she really could take it or leave it. She'd probably if asked to choose would almost always chosen to stay at home with me, but she enjoyed going when she was there. She started being more enthusiastic about it when she started making friends, and in year R was crying at half term because I wouldn't let her go to school.

Dd2 always loved going to preschool/school... but is my most likely to ramp an illness up to try and stay at home.

Ds would always choose to stay at home, but to my knowledge has never faked an illness.

She's probably worrying about going to big school, which sn't helping.

What I do is: Unless I have evidence they are ill, they go to school. Preschools are great about sending them home if they're ill. They'll never keep an ill child. I would say that 99% of the time they are fine as soon as they're in school. I think it's happened twice that I've had a child sent home.
Explain that she can tell the teachers if she's ill and they can get you if she is ill.

But if they do stay off, it's boring. Screen time is bad for illnesses in this house until after lunch. Food is plain (don't want them to be sick) and they stay inside.
If they are plainly ill, then I'm more leniant... but it helps to give them a choice of being bored or going to school.

And make your day at home sound boring. "Oh dear, we had a boring day. I washed the floor and then went shopping" is much better than "well I went for lunch at a cafe and a nice walk down by the river".

I think this is pretty common, OP. In fact I wouldn't put it past my 7yo DD to try it on occasionally! She loves school normally, but who doesn't fancy a day at home on the sofa sometimes?

DD 3 pulled her covers over her head and said no this morning when I suggested getting up for breakfast and she absolutely loves nursery sometimes they are just not in the right frame of mind

Thanks for the reassurances. Yes, even if she likes pre-school, she would rather stay at home with me and her baby sister. I do emphasise that DD2 and I don't do anything interesting or fun while she is at pre-school. She does know that when she is poorly she gets to watch CBeebies, which we don't really do usually, because she asked me to put it on when she was lying on the settee pretending to be ill. We did tell her that she would only be able to have toast and water if she was ill (which is actually what I give her when she is ill anyway), thinking she would change her mind about pretending because she would rather have other food, but she said ok.

I guess me being on maternity leave doesn't help, because we can't say she has to go because her dad and I are at work. I wondered whether the new baby and her dad having major surgery this year are causing problems or whether this is just something some kids do. It's good to know she is not the only one .

With 2 major upheavals she could be feeling a bit insecure, maybe she's looking for some reassurance?

Yes though, it is something that some children attempt on occasion.