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Yr 2 Highly sensitive son and school/friends

15 replies

Wilril · 12/04/2015 22:15

How are any parents dealing with HSB and school friends? He's struggling making any solid friendships and is getting upset at people being mean to him. He really doesn't want to go back tomorrow and is really upset....anyone else going through the same?

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Timeforabiscuit · 12/04/2015 22:24

Dd1 went through very similar in year one, I don't know whether sensitive is the right word or brittle? She just didn't have a close friend, what really helped was her sister starting school and building her confidence up in other areas.

Also talking about my time in school, I didn't have any close friends really. - the ones I did have would turn for no particular reason so I just went and did what I wanted to do. This seemed to help taking the pressure off with friendships being a big deal.

It is horrible watching them go through it.

Wilril · 12/04/2015 22:50

Agghhh It's hartbreaking, he's trying to be friends with people but he says they keep being mean an and keep saying he can't play with them. He is very sensitive and I've been reading up on highly sensitive children and he definitely has these traits, it's just that maternal feeling if wanting to protect them and wanting to fix everything when they're upset. I just feel for him ?? and just wondered how other parents cope in the same situation.

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momtothree · 12/04/2015 23:01

Apart from wanting to cry? Take the pressure off from wanting a BF make a point that u have different friends for different reasons. Invite kids to play ... make it a thursday ...so mon say can u ask x what they like for tea? Tues ask can u ask x what they like to play .... etc. Works wonders

Wilril · 12/04/2015 23:19

Aww we have tried, he's had a few friends over but sadly the invitation has very rarely been returned. The school mums are lovely and it all seems to be Will not really fitting in. I'm fine with this and love he's such a chatty, confident lad but he just isn't the same as the football loving crazy 6 yr olds in his class. He has bags of confidence and just wants to talk all the time and he just hasn't found the friends that he fits in with. I'm sure he will but it's so upsetting seeing him like this.

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Auntieveronica · 12/04/2015 23:24

Can you speak to the teacher at drop off?

Also just listening to him and being receptive.

Can you ask him what he thinks is the best way forward to resolve things?

Is he approaching the wrong children? Are there other children on the sidelines that might be more receptive to him?

Give him something nice to look forward to. Something special you can do together.

What sort if things are the children saying?

Auntieveronica · 12/04/2015 23:25

Are there any non football types in the class or are all the boys football mad?

What about girls? Are there any girls he quite likes?

Auntieveronica · 12/04/2015 23:27

One of my boys had no male friends at one point but instead had a huge group of female friends.

momtothree · 12/04/2015 23:27

When u say few is it one to one? Start small and build up? Find groups difficult at a young age. Have u invited moms round or just kids? Can he go to the same clubs?

Auntieveronica · 12/04/2015 23:28

I wonder if he's desperate to be friends with the in crowd but weds to look more at the less popular kids

Wilril · 13/04/2015 00:13

He has no interest in being friends with girls, there is one friend he always talks about who is the popular lad in class, we've had about 3 round for tea but he's only been invited back to one of them. We had a massive issue with birthday parties last year where he seemed to be the only boy in his class who didn't seem to be invited to most of them. He's well behaved, hygienic, and a lovely lad, he just hasn't clicked with anyone..... I was always in the mind of trying not to worry unless it upset him but now that seems to be changing. We've had numerous chats with school and they say there really isn't an issue, he has friends and never seems to be on his own. They have a lovely teacher in class that takes some children out for nurture time and he went for a while but was upset he was missing lessons do we stopped it. I think I may need to speak to her again and sort something out. It's just so frustrating not really knowing what to do for the best....

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MrsFlannel · 13/04/2015 00:20

I had similar with my older DD. I eventually realised that whilst she didn't and doesn't immediately fit in...she was actually ok during school time and as her teachers also said she wasn't alone...had friends and seemed happy.

What she did do was pick up on my anxiety around it all...and get anxious herself. My DD is year 6 now and has a small, tight group of friends. She doesn't get a tonne of invitations but she gets a few...it's enough for her as she's sensitive, quiet and quite introverted really.

I would advise you to be very careful around DS about what you ask him...don't quiz him...they pick yp quickly about your worries.

Auntieveronica · 13/04/2015 07:41

Is it a small school OP?

Auntieveronica · 13/04/2015 07:43

You could also explain to him about everyone wanting to be friends with the popular kids and he should look at the children who tend to be more alone at play time.

enderwoman · 13/04/2015 08:17

"People being mean" - can you elaborate? Do you mean they are mean in an unacceptable way or something else? Maybe he can't cope with the banter or he finds resolving conflict with the group hard?

DeeWe · 13/04/2015 09:12

I would find out what he means by "being mean".
Because if they're saying "you can't play" or similar, then it's worth speaking to the teacher about. IF that's happeneing more than occasionally.

If "being mean" means that he comes in and says "let's play tag" and they say "well we want to continue with what we're doing" then that's not mean, and you can discuss with him how to join in.

Or it could be he walks up and says "I'm brilliant at football" (which a lot of boys do) then he's liable to get the response "well, I'm/Sam/someone else is better than you".

Also is he always approaching the same group? Not saying that they should tell him he can't play, but it can become a habit if he's always asking the same people.
And I wouldn't dismiss the girls as possible friends either. My ds is very typical boy, but in year 3 and his friendship group (which has changed each year as they're mixed up ) has always included at least one girl, and often he's been best friends with a girl-and sometimes they've been real girlie-girls too.

So I would at some point when he says they've been mean find out how the conversation went, and who with. Bearing in mind that he, as everyone else will, will give a self bias report.
I would then use that to help him talk through a better way of approaching people and making friends.

But also I do agree with not being too anxious about it. I didn't have a best friend until I was at secondary. Did it bother me? Not most of the time. The times it did bother me was school trips and things with partners as I tended to end up with who was spare, which I found a bit stressful waiting to see.
I have noticed over the years (my oldest is year 9) that the parents who grret their dc at infant level with "who did you play with?" type questions and are obviously anxious about it, often produce children who are anxious about making friends, which can mean they approach others either over anxiously or sometimes quite demandingly.

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