Can't cope with toddler behaviour anymore!!

[Jane5513]

Hi I'm new to mumsnet so I'm not even sure if I'm in the right place! Basically, as the title suggests I can't cope with my toddlers behaviour anymore. I really am at the end of my tether and I don't know where to turn. I've spent hours upon hours googling but I can't find anything similar. My little girl will be 2 in a few weeks and her behaviour is just getting worse and worse. She attacks me and any other child she gets close enough to. She grabs onto faces and will not let go. I have cuts on my face constantly and I just feel so low. I hate taking her out as she goes for every child she passes, but if we stay in she's at me all day. But she doesn't do it when she's angry, she just does it for no reason at all. When she does it to me it's usually when she's sat on my knee or we are playing together. I work 4 days a week and I do feel guilty for leaving her, but I enjoy work and it's all that's keeping my sane. Her dad works 6 days a week and today was the first time he witnessed what I'm putting up with and he was horrified. Telling her off doesn't work, nor does ignoring her, naughty step, nothing. I can't cope anymore I've spent all day in tears after a particularly horrible 45 minutes (then we had to leave!) at soft play and vile behaviour at home. I'm open to any suggestions I cannot carry on like this I'm beginning to hate being with her.

I don't have a toddler so can't offer anything helpful, but am sure others will be along to share their wisdom shortly. just want to say I hope things get easier for you soon...in the meantime, welcome to mumsnet....plenty of awesome folk on here and you should get the support you need.

oh, and be kind to yourself

Our dd does this sometimes, it's kind of stopped now but she went through a bad phase of it. we just gave her a stern telling off and done that eveyrtime she would do it, your right it's not on and it's not fair on others.

I have a toddler, he hadn't exhibited the same behavior as your little girl but he has had some challenging behavior (as I think most toddlers do!) do you know why she is doing it? Is she verbal enough to voice frustrations or to say she enjoys the feeling? Possibly she is trying to show affection but not being gentle enough, maybe she just likes how it feels.

I think that 2 is too little to do the naughty step, I would stop what was happening, so shut the book your reading, put the toys to one side, very firmly say ow! That really hurts mummy, do NOT pinch/scratch/hurt mummy. I would sit the child on the floor and if needed I would hold their hands so they couldn't continue to hurt me and I would try to make sure the child was looking at my face and I'd try to show shock/sadness on my face (rather than anger or fear) I wouldn't enforce a timeout.

Who looks after her when your at work? Does she behave in the same way?

I would avoid soft play, it's hard work even with a well behaved child. Could you go for walks instead?

I work with much older children so not sure if this would help with a toddler. However, what we do with the children I work with is to keep detailed records of undesirable behaviours called ABCCs.

A- antecedent. What was happening just before the behaviour/ what was the environment like/ what communication was occurring etc
B- behaviour. What exactly happened?
C- consequence. What happened directly after the behaviour/ how did everyone respond.
C- communication. What might the child have been trying to communicate (all behaviour is communication).

Through these records we try to work out what is going on and how we can eliminate the triggers for the behaviour or help the child to communicate whatever it is they are trying to communicate in a more socially acceptable way.

Would going through this process help? Maybe invite a relative or friend to spend a day with you and try to work out what is going on together?

I have a just two year old girl too. I'm sorry it's so tough for you. I've been struggling a bit too and have researched some books. Toddlercalm came highly recommended but it does not follow
the pack and is based on research into what we know about toddlers brains. It suggests gentle approaches to trying situations and explains why naughty steps and time out aren't great in terms of where their brain development. It's been a great read for me and has impacted my parenting already. I feel like I have a tactic that makes sense that I can employ when the going gets tough. Worth a try maybe? Then also run classes I think..... Good luck, stay strong.

Sorry to hear that your having a tough time of it and welcome to mumsnet. My DS will be 2 in a couple of months and I have noticed a change in his behaviour over the past month or so. Hitting out when not getting what he wants is definitely on the increase along with high pitched screams and tantrums. When he kicks or hits out at us we go down to his level and let him no quite firmly that what he is doing is wrong and sore and ask him to kiss us better and show him how to be gentle with his hands. We tried the naughty step but he just thought it was a game and laughed at us. With the tantrums I just ignore him until he comes out of it and then give him a cuddle to help calm him down. Its so hard not to lose it with them tho and I think alot of it is down to frustration.