please help me be a better parent

[mindexplode]

i have a 5 year old Ds. he does not shut up for 5 mins and has to talk about everything and need constant affirmation about what he is doing. today he was talking all the time on a three hour journey home, even when we asked him to be quiet so we could discuss the route hone etc. each time I tell him off he tries to shoot me with his fingers or threatens to hurt me. dh is also in the car but he doesn't threaten him. daddy can do no wrong

I lost my temper this evening as he asked about a toy 5 times in a row, after I had told him later and dh had told him later

how can I get him to understand sometimes he has to be quiet and not to keep repeating himself - its very wearing

I've one like that, mine doesn't respond to reasonable requests. Does hyper focus, so electronic games are good.

It is wearing, and it is very typical of 5yos. His brain is whizzing and everything is so exciting and fascinating that he just has to share it at once.

The only thing that struck me was the example you gave of him asking for a toy, when you had repeatedly said "later". I suspect that your DS has little idea about what "later" actually means...later as in after tea, or at bedtime or in 30 seconds? He isn't sure, so he asks again just in case "later" has come. Which seems reasonable to him, but annoying to you.

Could you try being clearer when you talk to him. In the car say "we need you be quiet until we've decided how to get home - which will be when the clock says xx:xx" (my car has a dashboard clock my DCs can see from the back and it is great for this sort of thing), or "until we see a yellow car" or "until the end of the next song on the radio". Then if he interrupts remind him it is still quiet time. And when the time is up, let him know and remember to thank him for managing to be quiet.

We do competitive 'Be Quiet' moments. "I bet you can't be quiet for 60 seconds". And then I count or use a phone to time.

My DC3 was just like this, and the only thing that worked was very specific explanations. "Later" isn't good enough - it has to be "later because I'm peeling these potatoes now and then I'll have to boil them and after that X Y and Z will happen" or whatever. It feels tortuous at the time, but that's just what some kids need.

thanks

with the toy we said after your shower and if you are good but he was fighting with his brother all the way home and making a meal out of shower time. I'm happy he wants to the all about things but the repetition ( I've got sandy hands x 10) is grinding me down

tbf when I asked him for some peace earlier he did say but I just love talking, if only he was happy not to get an answer

OP I am in the same boat as you, I have DD aged 4 who can get like this with the relentless babble and it does drive me totally nuts at times.

What has sort of worked for me is to try and spot the times when she gets like this and indulge her conversation for ten minutes or so, then to firmly explain you are busy/tired/need to talk to someone else and suggest something else for them to do to keep busy ( I know easier said than done in the back of a car!)

It is your attention they want so better to give it to them in a friendly way early on rather than by losing the plot with them a short while later.

I have a DS who's nearly 8 and is exactly the same. I have no answers but I feel your pain. He's like a little pocket rocket. ADHD has crossed my mind a couple of times but no problems in school in fact he can do no wrong in his teachers eyes.