DS comes home from playgroup aggressive and moody..

[BonfireNemo1977]

Ds started playgroup in sept. He was 3 in oct and seemed to love it especially as he was going with his little friend. However past couple of weeks he has been coming home more moody and aggressive. He says he doesnt like the other children but does like playgroup. He has some slight speech problems[mainly pronunciation] but is being assessed on 16th nov. So how can I help him??? His friend is very sociable and makes friends easily where Ds if his friend doesnt play with him then he will not make any effort to engage with other children. Am slightly worried that he will become a loner. Have been told he is advanced in all other areas apart from speech so could it be this that is holding him back socially>???

My DS, just 4 has started going full time to a small nursery that he has been going to part time for a year. Now, he is really arsey and aggressive when I pick him up, even though he loves going. He shouts at me if I don´t bring DS2 in to get him, if I open the door to go out (he wants to do it), if I park the car in the wrong place..... The list goes on. It´s only started since he´s been going full time, spoken to teachers who say he´s happy. Have met other mums who say their kids are the same when they come out of school.

He has a treat on a Friday (usually a kinder egg) so now he is told that if he can´t be nice to me, then he won´t get a treat, and it seems to work.

Not totally relevant to your situation but anyway....

I have exactly this problem with ds1.

What happens is, if the person he usually plays with isn't their or is busy doing something else, he will go to play with other children who often don't understand what he says. He then loses his temper with them, they lose their temper with him and he has nobody to play with and comes home in a bad mood. Sometimes this degenerates into him hitting other children, mainly through lack of understanding. He is slightly immature too, but very sociable, which is of course, even sadder.

Could this be what is happening with your ds? If so, I would advise talking to his key worker as ds1's has been invaluable!

RE his pronunciatiohn, ds1's SALT said to slow down whan we speak to him, and speak to him a lot. More than you would a 'normal' 3 year old. Make your own pronunciation really clear.

Is he very active? I think more active children sometimes don't stopm to listen and take in what is said to them.

colditz..sounds very similair to DS. I asked him before why he didnt play with his friend today and he replied he was playing with XXX. So I said couldnt you play with XXX and he said no he hit me..turned out that DS had tried to ask to play with a toy and in frustration had just taken it resulting in XXX pushing him. Ds is also very sociable at home and with people in the street but can be difficult to understand. He is also very active if not bordering on hyper..lol

My DS was like this too.

In his case, his speech/language was definitely holding him back socially. Although friendly/popular, he found it a problem communicating with his peers & they would get bored. He was seen by a SALT who said there was not much they could do but thankfully his pre-school got funding for 1:1 time and that really helped. He "came out of his shell" when he hit 4 (he's now 4.8 and at school). His language is still a problem (not speech apparently) and school are now organising extra help for him. He gets frustrated though he is learning how to deal with it and ask for help. He's quite advanced "academically" and school & us don't want his language difficulties holding him back or causing further frustration.

I would get onto your GP and see if you can be referred to a SALT now. I wish it had happened sooner for us but as he was doing so well in other areas they didn't seem to think it was a problem. Apparently it's quite normal in these cases as speech problems often resolve themselves before school. Maybe his pre-school could organise 1:1 time for your DS?

There is also a lot you can do at home. We were told to stop asking questions for example and instead to tell him things. Also as Colditz says, speak slowly and use shorter sentences. His language has improved enormously over the last year and continues to do so. His teacher says he's well-liked at school but mostly prefers to do things alone. Some people are just like that I guess.

HTH. Oh, and getting a hearing test is also a good idea just to rule out any problems .

castles intheair..SALT assessment is in 2weeks[and counting] been on the list around 6mths. I did mention to the p[laygroup about SALt and they offered to spend more 1-1time with him. They already do 1:1 talking about worksheets apparently[which I never knew] but they have increased DS time by an extra 10mins which is great. We try to talk slower for him and not correct him wtc so will just see whathappens at the assessment in terms of speech. Sort of glad to know he isnt alone and that the other children who have experienced similair things are also having the speech problems if that makes sense.

Know what you mean, Nemo. It can be quite lonely sometimes & I used to think my DS was the only one like this 'til I came on MN! Glad you have a SALT appointment - really hope they can help your DS.