Concerned about three year old

[AliceAnneB]

DS3 had very bad reflux as a baby and was a proper screamer. He turned into a very (at least IMO!) high needs toddler. Now that he's three the meltdowns are getting even worse. I've just endured a 1.5 hour tantrum because I refused to move off the sofa. I've been trying all morning to get him out the door tithe park and have failed. Putting on trousers = massive meltdown. Shoes = assume meltdown. He hates going out but I go crazy in the house all the time and just end up on my phone! If I physically force him into his clothes and out the door he cries until he's shaking and there's just not point. Lately I've just had it and I feel like I'm not handling well. If he melts down I take him up to his room and wait it out either with him or outside the door if I can't take it after awhile. Nothing seems to help. The GP didn't think he was ASD but I'm not so sure. We have found a private psych end who hopefuly will do an eval. I used to try and validate his frustration and his feelings but I've just had it. I find myself saying horrible things like "what's wrong with you!?". I'm losing my temper and just feel awful. But how do other people cope with these meltdowns. Is it remotely normal to still endure hours and hours every day of screaming with a three year old?

There are a couple of tongue tie support groups on FB btw. Mostly babies, but there are some posts about older kids too.

Do not underestimate the problems a tie can cause and do not underestimate how little mainstream HCPs know about it.

Thank you all for your help. The GP appears to have his nose out of joint because we went to the private ENT and he's not happy to accept anything she found. And now that we paid for a private appointment we have been deemed able to pay for private and therefore should? I'm going to see if we are in the catchment for another GP. It took me six months when my son was first bit to realise the GP had same day availability because everyone I called they gave me an appointment at least two weeks later. I was struggling in a system I didn't know with a baby who was screaming whenever he was awake. No one seemed to care because he was gaining weight. I breastfed and it was awful but I did it because I thought it was what was best. But I couldn't sit to do it. He would only feed if I was moving so I walked and fed. That was fun! I'm just ranting really at this point. I've struggled with PND since he was born and it all just seems hard some days.

The more I think about it I suppose he has some sensory issues. He hates coats or jumpers and only barely tolerated trousers. I always marvel at mums putting babies calmly in snowsuits as that was a battle every single time. We called it the torture suit. I bought at least a half dozen different ones in an failed attempt to find one he liked.

My mother is convinced we will never get him help here and I should go back the U.S. with him until we get everything sorted. But being away from my husband and step kids would be really hard on us all. But I can see her point that the older he gets without help the more potential damage is being done.

I just feel like I've failed. I was very successful in my career and waited until I was older to have DS and now it all feels like a disaster. He was very much wanted but some days I just want to run away and pretend it never happened. That sounds terrible to say because people have children with really challenging disabilities and I just have the never ending tantrum and very harassed cats.

It doesn't sound terrible to say.

My DD is more severely disabled and just has the odd tantrum..that is bad enough. Constant is very hard.

You haven't failed, your sadness is not unreasonable, what you're facing day in, day out, sounds really really hard x

It isn't you who is failing your child; it is your GP.

Your DS has a right to assessment, diagnosis and support and the fact that you have paid for a private ENT does not remove his entitlement to this happening under the NHS.

Lots of parents have to be really pushy to get these kinds of assessments so you're not alone. Either go back and refuse to take no for an answer or change GP today.

Your DS clearly has some significant developmental difficulties and he needs intervention right now plus assessment that will enable him to receive the right support in education. You are his advocate so have confidence in yourself and go and make a fuss.

Good luck.

I have a horrible feeling you may have to stay private now for ent, as I 'think' once you start private you have to stick with it, others will know, but please do push for a new GP. The neuro and allergy stuff should definitely still be possible on the NHS. An 80% tongue tie is massive, you should be really bloody proud of yourself for managing to bf with that, and tongue ties and food intolerances are definitely very strongly linked.

Def push for a new GP, or at the very least complain about this one, they're being redicilously unfair and your DS is entitled

You can contact PALS (patient advice and liaison service) in your area, write to the practice manager and copy your local MP into your complaint - all these IME suddenly get people jumping through hoops to get you the treatment your entitled to