Nightmares after getting lost !!!!

[belleofball]

My nearly 8 yr old has started having nightmares, since he nearly got left on the train whilst in London for day with in-laws.

He was ok at first and seemed quite proud of the fact,announcing "i got lost today" as soon as we went round to pick them up! I was fuming (inwardly) as i'm always worried when the boys go out with them. They tend to think the boys will always follow and not wander! we've had words before but it obviously didn't work.
Anyway i settle him for a while but he keeps waking up. I don't want it to become a lifetime fear,he keeps saying he's not going anywhere without me again. Any advice?

I think I would really try to reassure him on almost everything for a day or two to make him feel very secure.

mmm we had similar problems with dd (age 6) when she went missing while we were at ds's football practice.

How long ago was the incident? It affected dd for a few weeks afterwards. Even now, a few months later, if we ever mention how they must stay with us (if we are somewhere busy), she begs us not to mention her getting lost because she still doesn't like remembering how she felt!

Perhaps it is worth having a conversation about how he dealt with getting lost. Remember to emphasise the positive (we kept telling dd how brave she had been and how clever she was for not approaching a stranger etc. etc.). I think it makes them feel more confident that they dealt with it well.

Unfortunately, I think it may just be the passage of time that makes him feel better.

DS1 got lost when he was 8 and was very traumatised by it, and it really knocked his confidence, and set him back quite some time in any desires for independence and going out of our eyesight for any length of time. But it does pass.

It was 18 months ago (I think) and he now happily walks home from school alone, plays out in the street, goes off exploring when we're camping or on holiday, or whatever.

So give him a bit of time, and he will get over it.

It happened last Monday in half term. They left him on the train! He just managed to get off in time.
He gets really hysterical for a while, it's horrible. I just cuddle him until he falls asleep. I've tried talking about nice things,but he always relates getting lost with what i'm talking about!

oh, poor lad - I can quite see why he is so worried by it, how horrible!

Can you just stop the in-laws having sole charge of him for some time? I think if it was my ds I'd want to say to him "look, you don't have to go out with them again, if you don't want to!" I totally understand why you've had words about this before, it simply isn't good enough to assume a child is following you - they're so easily distracted! Not responsible behaviour on their part at all.

Does he know or have a little plan who to approach if he was ever to be lost - I assume he's had stranger danger talks at school? That might reassure him a little if you can make a simple plan. And tell him he doesn't have to go out with his GPs again!

Mmmmm....I'd maybe get him to talk about what he thinks may have happened if he had been left on the train. Find out what his worries are if he hasn't already said - ie; been kidnapped, not ever finding you again.

Then talk through what he would have been able to do if he had been left on the train - gone to find the conductor, ask a lady with children for help (my mum always used to say this to me). Tell him if he ever is lost then there are people who will help and he will get back home again. But explain how unlikely it is he ever would be lost to that extent.

Thanks, yes i have spoken to ds's about getting lost/ stranger danger etc. You don't know though how they will react if they do get lost do you?
I suppose you can only hope that there will be people who will look out for them. I always make sure a child is safe if they look lost, I'd want someone to do the same for me.
It's v. difficult to know what to do about inlaws, i don't want to stop them going out with them, but will probably find it hard next time they ask.
Ds is crying again now, will get back later. Thanks everyone.

hi everyone. sorry i haven't been able to get back.
Ds is a lot better, had a long chat about what happened. He said that in his dreams he just keeps seeing me walking away from him,he screams for me but i wont turn round.. I just keep reassuring him that i will never leave him anywhere. I also said that perhaps because his nan & grandad aren't used to looking after him all the time,they think he will always follow them,and when he is with them he must be more careful to stay right by their sides.

Inlaws are aware of his dreams now and do feel really bad.
They said sorry to ds and assured him that it wasn't his fault,they should have been more careful. which i thought was really nice of them.
thankyou all for your advice.