Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Loss of face tendencies at 4 years old!

8 replies

Snowstorm · 01/11/2006 20:03

DH and I are interested to know whether anyone DD1 is just 4 but has been displaying what we refer to as 'loss of face tendencies' (not very catchy is it!) for at least the last year. If anything goes wrong - usually her tripping up or falling off her scooter or bike or something like that - then she immediately blames someone else, even if that someone else is nowhere near. It used to be mildly amusing in a 'oh dear god, did I somehow make her like this?' kind of way but that was when she was accusing me of making her fall of her scooter or chair or whatnot. Now it's not so funny now as she's started taking out her embarrassment out on DD2 (who's 17 months younger). The other day she didn't see an uneven pavement, scooted over it, fell over, leapt up puce in the face, shouted that it was all DD2's fault because of XYZ and then she went over and whacked DD2 - who was walking beside me some distance behind. I had to defend DD2 not once but twice as DD1 was so wound-up in her embarrassment and apparently so desperate to find a scapegoat to blame (poor DD2!).

When it happens I try and calmly explain that sometimes things happen to us if we've misjudged something or didn't see a bump in the pavement (or whatever) but that it was her accident and not DD2's etc. etc. We're hoping this is a stage she'll grow out as it's such an unattractive trait and she's really a sweetie (generally !).

Is this normal development stuff or just our own personal little challenge to overcome do you think?! I've thought about it a lot and she definitely hasn't got this from me as I'm the least cool person on the planet and don't have any problems accepting the fact that I was a stumble-bum/clumsy-git or whatever! Anyone else got any experience with this kind of thing?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
flack · 01/11/2006 20:11

DS is just 7 and he has been a bit like this for a while. I think maybe it's a phase they all go thru, at some point?

Raggydoll · 01/11/2006 20:15

just when you think you have the whole parenting thing cracked they go and throw you a curve ball don't they .

I guess she needs to learn how to laugh at herself - it could be self confidence but that doesn't seem right... I going to have a think about it. I'm sure someone will be along shortly who has actually had experience of this though .

canadianmum · 01/11/2006 20:20

My almost 4 yr old twin boys tend to leap up from a fall and shout "You did that!" even when I am about 10 yards away. Maybe they think I have magic powers .

My boys also like running into another room to spare their blushes. I normally try to change the subject rather than talk about "the accident". DH on the other hand likes to take the piss out of them, I think he believes it strengthens their character somehow....sigh....

I am putting it down to an annoying phase and trying to ignore it - this seems to have become my parenting philosophy "ignore it, it will go away eventually" .

Snowstorm · 01/11/2006 20:41

Oops, just noticed that my cutting and pasting skills (in my first sentence) aren't quite what they used to be - sorry about that!

Thank you for your replies. I think it's the way that some people react but I'm just so amazed that it's started SO very young

canadianmum, DD1 does the running off into another room thing too! She had a friend over in the summer and was very excited to see him and very keen for him to go and play in her room with her (something she's started recently) but he was rather more interested in playing in the sandpit at that point. I said something along the lines of 'DD1, why don't you let X have a few moments in the sand pit and maybe he'll want to go up to your room after that?' to her and she just fell to pieces and ran off to her room sobbing because I'd humiliated her and she'd 'lost face' in front of a friend ... AND SHE'S ONLY 4 ... I hate to think how much I'm going to embarrass her when she's a teenager if she's that bad now!

OP posts:
Snowstorm · 01/11/2006 20:44

Raggydoll - I think you are right and she does need to learn to laugh at herself but I don't know how to help her to do that. If I do something clumsy then I quite happily say 'oops, clumsy mummy' or whatever, but that doesn't seem to be something she's adopting!

Hope to goodness she grows out of it before she starts school next September or I can't help but think she's not going to win any prizes in the popularity stakes!

OP posts:
Furball · 01/11/2006 20:46

my ds (5) is like that, nothing is ever his fault he always has some really lame excuse and gets really upset if something happens. I tell him that things can happen by accident and that it doesn't matter. I thought it was just the way he was.

stoppinattwo · 01/11/2006 20:56

Snowstorm, got one here exactly the same age 4........ absolutely no sense of humor if the jokes on her, gets so embarrassed/ agressive. I just tell her to get over with it and being nasty to others isnt acceptable.

Snowstorm · 01/11/2006 21:02

You don't know HOW happy it makes me to find out that other people's children do this too ... makes me feel a bit more relaxed about it. Thank you very much for your replies.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page