Tearful emotional 8 year old

[polycomfort]

Struggling and feeling like I'm failing my 8 year old. The older one was nothing like this but dd seems very emotionally aware. Some of the things she says are more what id expect of a 14 year old. But although she is grown up in lots of ways, she cries ALL THE TIME from quiet sobbing to wailing. Tiniest thing will start her off. Today her sock got a little wet from the floor - wailing. Couldn't get her arm in her shirt - wailing. Wasn't allowed to wear her PJs out on a family trip - wailing. All in the space of six minutes.
I've always encouraged them to know it's okay to cry and to have feelings so when ever I tell her enough and to stop crying, she tells me she's every right to cry. Which she's right about but how can I draw the line?? I've tried to say It's okay to cry when you really need to, but she just says how do I know when she really needs to or not. My Dh and I can't stand every weekend being accompanied by what feels like the constant sound of wailing. And she can't be happy with it either. But how to tell her to stop without invalidating her feelings and right to express herself?

When she wails if she can't get her own way, how do you deal with it? For instance if my 7 yo wails, I tell her that I can't hear whiny voices, she has to speak normally.

She doesn't really do that...

It's always something that she's feeling of something "terrible" that's gone wrong, like the wet sock

Zooey, I thought you said she was wailing because she couldn't wear her pjs on a day out? I'd class that as whining because she can't get her own way

Could u get her a diary to wrote her feelings in? Our dd was a little like this so we told her that if she kept on crying over the little things then when something really upsetting happened people may have got fed up of giving her sympathy. Sort of a peter and the wolf story.

We got her a diary so that if she was 'feeling' too much she could go and vent that way.

Dd's teacher said there's a massive hormone surge during this year and that lots of girls go through this. (Apparently there's another one to look forward to in year 6. Joy.)

Little drama queen on your hands. I'd stop encouraging the 'right to cry' and ignore it.

My 22 month old cries when her sleve is wet, I really wouldn't tolerate it off an eight year old!

Ahh yes jiltedjohn, I suppose you're right!

Ignore, ignore and ignore some more. Tell her you'll answer her when she talks properly. Think the diary is a fab idea too

My DD is a bit like this and I'm afraid I have discouraged it a lot and tried to inculcate more of a stiff upper lip!

I am not at all sure they do have a right to cry over minor stuff.
It will not be ok as an adult to do this and in school I notice that kids who do this are not popular. There is a fine line between being genuinely over sensitive (which I think DD is and I was as a kid) and being manipulative ie crying to get your own way. I think one can evolve into the other as you discover that crying does get you attention.

I have told her it is fine to cry if you are in pain or you are very sad but not about a minor frustration eg the sleeve thing. I have also told her about the 'crying wolf' thing is no-one can tell if you are really sad if you cry all the time.

We have also encouraged expressing your feelings in other ways. DD really likes writing and seems to have discovered the diary idea for herself. It is quite comical at times.

One more thing

I do notice that DD cries more if she is tired or hungry.
Sometimes if we have a lot of meltdowns over minor stuff the answer seems to be a run of early nights!

DSS did this a lot at 7 &8. He had a reward chart and one of the items on it was 'crying for silly reasons'. Genuine pain or upset was allowed but it did seem to help highlight when it was silly.
We now laugh about how he used to cry because his pasta was too hot or his top was 'scratchy'.