Worried about my 4 year old son :(

[Sewingmummy02]

My son is 4 years old but since the age of 2 he has had very violent tantrums which take a long time to calm him down from and make him quite distressed. These tantrums can come from simply being asked to put his coat on, brush his teeth, stand up etc or sometimes for no reason at all, and he can go from being his normal loving and sensitive self to exploding. He will punch me in the face, kick me, spit, pull my hair, shout nasty things and genrally attack me but all while crying and being completely out of character and control.

From about the time he started walking he's never really been able to sit still in a room full of people, any toddler groups or clubs I took him to he just ran around and wouldn't sit to join in with any activities. At present he has been taken out of his swimming group due to his energy and being distruptive and now does one on one classes which he is excelling in. He also has one on one Spanish classes as he attended group Spanish but again due to running around he disrupted the group. He always could tell you what happened in the group though and was brilliant at it which is why ive found a way to continue. His method of learning is walking around the house and being busy playing with other things while the teacher is teaching!

He finds it a big struggle to sit still unless he is either watching a dvd or building lego (which is his new thing he has to do). When we are out he will spontaneously run away from me or shout things, I have to hold his hand everywhere and explain where we are going if at shops or somewhere out of his comport zone.

Out of this I am more concerned with his possible anxiety that I have noticed. He gets very frightened with certain music / sounds or characters on the television. He does not like change even down to watching a different dvd or changing a toy or coat/shoes and his outbursts seem to me that he is frighted whilst in that frame of mind.

My son knows right from wrong, is very loving and not a 'naughty boy'. At present we are not being taken seriously by the health visitors and they refuse to refer my son to a pedestrian due to him having no learning difficulties and actually being really clever. They think his behaviour is normal.
I just wonder if anyone has any similar experiences and what you did?

does he go to pre-school / nursery?

You can self refer to the speech and language therapist, because they cover and assess a wide range of behaviour, they are very good and I can recommend them, once they are involved if help is needed they open those doors for you. Don't wait for the to be convinced school.

Not sure what happened there

*don't wait for the school to be convinced

Have you talked to your GP?

Thanks all, he started a new pre school before xmas and although he's had a few moments lashing out and being angry, they haven't had any concerns. His last nursery echoed my view on him and where going to bring in their private specialist who can assess the children but due to moving jobs he left before this happened.
The gp refered him but whatever he put in his letter the pedeotrician refused to see him as said he definatly didn't have autism and that was all she could assess at his age?
He has perfect speech, he can be read a book then read it back to you pretty much word for word and so is very clever why is why I think they won't take it seriously.

Would a speech therapist see him though if nothing wrong with his speech?

Sewing they might. Our SENCO has suggested my Aspie should see SALT not because she has any problems but because they may be able to see traits in her communications that as ASD related to help with diagnosis and improving sociability.

Ok thanks I really don't have a clue who all the different types of people are! So I just find a speech therapist? X

Sewing, my DS (5) is similar. After two terms of reception year at school, his behaviour is slowly improving but there are still issues.

Some things that helped

• lots of one on one time (with me or DH)
• the Easier, Calmer, Happier Parenting book. Using Descriptive Praise and the think throughs from that book have been very helpful.
• school found that giving him a special role eg teacher's helper - helped in group situations
• school often just let him do his own thing when they were doing group activities in the knowledge that he would still be listening even if he was doing his own thing in a corner of the classroom
• ensuring he has lots of exercise, enough sleep, good food and limited screen time
• avoiding places where I know his behaviour will be challenging - eg shops, softplay. I take him to birthday parties but we often leave early if his behaviour is starting to go off the rails. I think he is socially very young and finds all the social interaction very challenging.
• consistency of boundaries.

It is hard going and I often feel very anxious about his behaviour. But the tips in the book I mentioned above have helped a lot and I do think his behaviour is improving as he matures.

All the very best.

This sounds very like my nearly 2 year old. She has very violent meltdowns and pulls her clothes off when stressed. This sounds awful but we are lucky so far because she did this in front of the HV she confirmed it is not normal toddler behaviour and suspects sensory issues. She said dd doesn't show any other signs of autism but her meltdowms are on that level. I don't feel ready to rule the possibility of autism out just yet. Had she not seen this I'm sure we would have been brushed off because most of the time she seems lovely. I can very much associate with your description of him being frightened. He is still quite little to get diagnosed but I would keep pushing the professionals. Trust your instinct.

Hi, sewing yes as giddy said the speech and language therapist(SALT) looks at communication and social skills.
They can identify an awful lot, and can offer help. If they find it doesn't come under their care, then they will start the ball rolling with the relevant people needed.
Your gp should be able to give you the contact details of your area SALT. Ring them and ask for a see referral form.

Good luck

Bty I only know what they are can I had to attend a workshop as part of some training when I worked in a pre-school. I also after the workshop self referred my own dc, they assessed him and found he had some autistic traits but didn't tick all the boxes as were for anything specific. But they worked with the school and home about giving him coping technics and making the environment easier for him. He was never statemented. But the help we received was more than adequate.

Your pre-school Should have the SALT details you need too.

Oh thank you I'll definatly look at that boom thanks. I am very calm with him genrally anyway as if I shout it makes him worse but I'll be interested to read it x

Thank you I'll look into it x

Thank you everyone this is really helpful. Unfortunately when the health visitor has come over he is fine as osorbed in lego and in his comfort zone! Maybe next time I'll take it off him and they can watch what happens!!!