Scared DD will really hurt herself

[LindsayS79]

Hi all
DD is 21 months and DH and I are really feeling down with the tantrums. They have been getting worse over the months and now we have got to the point that we don't leave the house at the weekends as it's not worth the battle.
Anyway, over the past week she's lost the plot going into her car seat. Her dummy, toys, even an iPhone won't calm her down. she's violently throwing her head back against the car seat for the full duration of her nursery commute, to the point I'm really worried in case she damages her head.
Should I expect this behaviour to get worse..? I'm actually glad to be working this weekend which is sad

I assume it is essential she goes to nursery, for your work reasons?

If not, then perhaps don't take her to nursery for a while.

Also I assume all the usual 'triggers' have been considered: diet, sleep, health, etc. Avoid ALL TV and other 'screen' activities.

Oh god, it's so hard having a difficult, tantrummy child like this. I really sumpathise with that feeling that it's just not worth going out.

Not sure how helpful Ferguson's advice is. Obviously she goes to nursery for a reason, and I know for me personally, if I didn't have the respite of a bit of screen time, I'd go stark raving bloody insane.

All I can suggest is time. This too shall pass and all that. My difficult child is now 3.5, and although she can still have almighty tantrums over the smallest things, nothing matches the lows of being two/nearly two. Once her speech and her understanding of speech improves, so will her behaviour.

You kind of just have to ride it out. Let her rage because you won't be able to stop the rage. She won't hurt her head.

Also:

Lol thanks!
Yes she needs to go to nursery. It's not about where she's going, it's about the car, the pram, the highchair etc. The car is my main worry as I can't stop her, or shield her head.
I've noticed she's stopped banging her head on the floor when having s tantrum now, so maybe she's learned that it just hurts!!
My mum's reassuring me it will pass, and I know it will... I'm just worried about it getting worse before it gets better! Wine helps when she goes to bed at the weekend!!!!

Ride it out calmly and sympathetically but without doing anything that teaches her that it's a good way to get what she wants.

Typically developing children don't harm themselves during tantrums but they can catch on to it being a good way to wind parents up. Try not to respond by shielding her head and she'll stop of her own accord.

Stay close to her when she's upset and be ready to offer her a cuddle when she calms down.

She will learn to manage her emotions better as she matures and the tantrums will fade. It's vile but it does pass.

My son was a head banger at a similar age (18-ish months) I did the absolute worst thing according to everything I read but I really couldn't help myself, I picked him up and cuddled him, I was horrified when he banged his head and I'm terrible at hiding things!

The picking up and cuddling actually seemed to work, he stopped head banging (I think he got fed up of me looking worried and checking his head/holding him every time) he's now close to 3 and a fairly reasonable chap (well as reasonable as a toddler can be!)

my dd was like this with her car seat at about that age. Later, when she could communicate more clearly, she referred to her baby car seat that "made her hurt"!

We'd just never considered that the car seat was causing her pain, and always assumed that it was purely behavioural.

We also realized that she was just a bad car traveler generally. She got car sick and fearful/disorientated of things whizzing closely past the windows (high hedges, lorries etc).

The problems pretty much went away when we got her an booster chair and at around the same time, changed our car for one with larger, lower windows in the back which seemed to help (though this was coincidence really). Unfortunately she was such a tiny little thing, she was in her toddler seat for longer than most children.

Thanks everyone. I have started to ignore it now, so hopefully that works. She had a major hissy in her highchair last night so I just walked away. She calmed down after a min or two.
She's usually okay in the car as long as she's distracted with toys, food etc. I'm wondering if she's playing a battle of wills with me as she's trying to drag me everywhere she wants me to go, which is hard when I'm cooking etc. She doesn't take it well when I refuse to go with her..!
I'm hoping her speech develops more soon as i think that'll help, although she understands what I say no problem!

Personally I'm from the ignore a tantrum school of thought.

My dd is also 21 months and I put something behind her head and let her get on with it. She seems to like to have her tantrums on hard floors . As soon as she stops and comes to play I make a huge fuss of her and have cuddles etc.

I did the same with ds and he stopped pretty fast. We had a few instances but very few.

Honestly put her in her car seat, be firm with her. When she starts be firm, tell her not to be silly. Ignore the head banging, sing dance and enjoy the car while carries on. She won't do it for long and if she hurts her head I suspect she'll stop.

Yes it's awful. It does pass. She's doing it because she doesn't want to go out and she's winning at the moment.