At a loss at what to do next with 2yo hitting.

[cleoteacher]

There are two issues with ds who is 2.3.

1. he is showing signs of aggression and is hitting me, dh and other children on a regular basis. He has been doing it for over 6 months now, before I thought he'd grow out of it but it doesn't seem like he's going to any time soon. It's worse since having dd but he was still doing it before.

He hits dh and I every day now, multiple times a day. His immediate reaction to saying no or asking him nicely to do something he doesn't like or getting him dressed is to hit. He does it multiple times in a row often with a smile on his face.

2. he regularly hits other children and recently has shown an increased level of aggression. He seems to want to really hurt them as he will hit them over the head with a train or actually run after them to hit them. Then he will hit them multiple times in a row. Very aggressively like he wants to hurt them. I ve noticed he doesn't do this to older children he knows well like a friends ds and his older cousin. I think this is because he knows they would hit back and that he is down the pecking order so to speak.

I have tried every strategy I can think of now. When he hits dh and I it is definitely for attention so I am now trying to ignore him but feel like we can't do this when out

When out I have tried the positive approach of saying what I want him to do rather than saying no. So I say gentle hands and share. It worked on and off for a while but not at all now. I have tried saying no And giving him a 'look' again worked on and off but not now. I have tried taking him away from the situation and sitting him out and explaining why he is sat out. I have done this by taking him right away from the area and by sitting him by the area so he can watch how the other children play nicely. Again this used to work and the threat was enough for him to stop but now it's stopped working . He cries when away and talks to me and finds something to hide behind or gets up. and I explain what he has done and get him to say sorry to whoever he hits but he does the same again. If I put him nearby to watch others playing nicely he just starts playing with stuff nearby.

I am now stuck for ideas but with dd just five weeks I am finding it hard to constantly deal with his hitting. I feel maybe he's looking for attention whether positive or negative but then when he's having fun out he doesn't seem to want my attention anyway but still hits. I feel perhaps I used sitting out too much and now it means nothing to him and I am getting at him too much .

What strategies have worked for others?

Does he go to a play group or nursery without you at all? If he does what's his behaviour like then?

IMO he's jealous of the baby, I'm not saying ignore her but try not make lot of her in front of him. Give him lots of one to one positive attention go out to the park a LOT (or do what he'd like to do to get rid of his pent up energy) and as you say reinforce his good behaviour and try to ignore the aggressive. get him to be the 'big boy' by 'reading' to his sister etc.

Watch him like a hawk so you can 'get in there ' BEFORE he hits anyone

My dd1 was jealous of dd2 and it was difficult, she was 3 yrs old ,but they love one another now.It's natural really isn't it?

Sorry meant to say jealousy is natural of course.

Yes sure some of it is attention seeking and jealously at feeding times and at home but this was at soft play and other times when I wasn't even with the baby. Plus he started it way before I had dd it's just got worse over lady few months. Dd is 5 weeks old.

He goes to childminders two days a week and she says how wonderful he is there but I think he has started to hit as he tells me he hit so and so and the childminder said no. She says he's good there as he knows she won't have any nonsense but I feel like I am relatively strict and won't either. I know she says gentle hands like I do . But I am going to ask her what else she does too .

Well he's still very young you know he can't just decide to be 'naughty' at specific times .

It's not naughtiness anyway. I speak as an ex CM\nanny and EY teacher. Put your self in his place; he's had your undivided attention for all his little life and suddenly it's changed completely; you'd be upset if your dh bought home a new wife wouldn't you? He finds it hard to cope. So he's showing he's upset by being more aggressive than he was.

You have to be patient and show him you still love him. It's good that he copes when he's at the CM (she doesn't have a new baby ).

My DS2 went through a hitting phase when he was 18m to 26m. I found the only thing that worked was to give him ONE warning and then, if it happens again, leave. So if you're at soft play or the playground or whatever you take him home. I know this is really annoying for you, especially if you've just got there or paid to enter, but IME it was the only strategy that worked.

Agree with ppeat about being a helicopter parent and trying to catch him before he hits.

DS2 is 5 now, and is a relatively gentle boy. He didn't even retaliate when a boy bit him recently! It really was just a phase, although it seemed to go on forever at the time.

Yes agree tumble It is a phase and will pass!!!! He's not develomentally able to "choose' to do it.