Bad health visitor advice or in denial?

[blushingmare]

Ok so can you just give me a bit of perspective please? DS had his 10mo check with a h/v today and there were few things that I really didn't think we're right, but maybe I'm being a typically deluded parent who is in denial about there being anything wrong with my precious child!

Firstly she said because he's on the 75th percentile for weight but only the 50th for height, I should watch his portion sizes and not give too much milk. This just didn't sit well with me. I mean, I know you always think your own baby is perfect, but DS is really not fat -he's not even a typical chubby baby! And surely you don't worry about restricting food in a 10mo?

Then she reacted like she was really concerned that DS still wakes 2-4 times a night and seemed to suggestctgats and that's really unusual and that it was a really bad thing that I'd got him into a "bad habit" by feeding him back to sleep. DD didn't sleep through til 15mo, so I don't find it that unusual at all. We cosleep and whilst obviously I'd love him to be sleeping through, I actually think I cope pretty well with the broken sleep and it doesn't bother me massively at the moment. But she made me feel like it was a cause for concern.

Then she said that he's not reaching his gross motor milestones and if he's not pulling to stand within 3 months to come back because he might need referral to physio. Now, I know he's a bit slow to get moving, but DD was just the same, so again, I'm not hugely concerned, especially as both DH and I were late movers too. And I'm a health professional myself and just felt it was really unprofessional to comment to a parent about physio referral at this stage as its sure to trigger anxiety, when in all likelihood he's absolutely fine. Why on earth would you mention a physio referral now -he's not even really delayed - just the slower end of normal!

what do you think. Am I being over sensitive or in denial or was that bad advice?

According to a study in the news last week less than 1 percent of parents can recognise that their children are overweight. I'm not saying your Ds is or isn't, but if you don't think a child of only average height but 75th centile weight is even slightly chubby, it could well have a point. HVs are damned if they do or damned if they don't when it comes to childhood obesity, I never understand why some posters are so outraged when babies are described as being overweight, non demand feeding and pushing babies to finish bottles can result in very very oversized infants. And given 1/3 of children are obese, how old do these heaviest third of infants have to be (especially those whose weight is disproportionate to their height) before their parents are given a heads up.

DPotter - as a HCP I would never say to a parent that I was thinking about a referral when the child isn't actually delayed. Yes my DS is on the slower side of normal with his gross motor development, but he's not actually delayed and in all likelihood will be doing all the things he should be doing by around 18mo. If I weren't a HCP myself I would have left that appointment feeling really worried that DS had problems and my issue with her is that she must say that kind of thing to loads of other mums who don't have my background and therefore cause a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

It is TOTALLY NORMAL for a 10-month old to not be sleeping 12-hr stretches and still feeding overnight. It's a very personal thing to you and your baby - there's not right and wrong, otherwise we'd all be doing the former. HVs get a bashing on here, but regardless of the stereotypes/generalisations, I think it was unreasonable and unhelpful of yours to imply that it isn't normal for a 10-mth old to be waking at night. If it's not a problem for you or him then it's absolutely fine.

Thanks. Interesting people's take on the weight thing. My personal view is health visitors tend to focus on the numbers and not use their eyes and look at the child in front them. I had it the other way with DD as a newborn with the HV saying she was underweight when she was alert, had chubby little thighs and was clearly thriving but just a small baby. And now with an older DS who I'm not saying is slim by any stretch of the imagination, but just seems entirely in proportion to me. And my point is even if he is a bit chubby, surely it's not right to be saying to the mother of a breastfed on demand, baby led weaned baby that she should be restricting what he eats?

I think you are being a bit unreasonable to complain about her picking up on things up that buck the usual trend be an issue and suggesting you keep an eye on them. She didn't say anything was wildly abnormal.

Re the weight thing, he's heavier than his height, no massive biggie at this point, but there is potentially a correlation between that and waking in the night to feed if that is why he wakes, so not unreasonable to flag this up.

And most children are pulling up by around the age of 10 months though it's not generally a cause for any concern until - say - 13 months plus (and perhaps because you are an HCP she thought she would mention it would be referred at that stage if it is still an issue at that point)

I'm a total believer in parents' trusting their own instincts, but why bother having a 10 month check unless you want your HV to look at your baby's development in relation to that of the wide range of what is considered normal?

I think you sound like a sensible person with awareness of potential health issues and that if it were appropriate to restrict your child's diet, you (who probably spend every waking hour with him) would know.

Totally agree about a lot of HCPs not actually looking at the baby inf front of them. I always remember a young, inexperienced HV suggesting that I "put a little blanket" over DS's arms at night to stop him flailing around like a sweaty octopus, as he sat in front of her windmilling and wriggling madly. And another, blessedly sensible, assuaging my worries about him not drinking enough around 9 months just by saying "Look at him. That is not a dehydrated baby". And of course when I properly looked at him, putting aside the numbers/measurements for a moment, it was perfectly obvious that he was getting plenty of fluids from fruit, cereal, porridge, yogurt etc.

btw as a non hcp I would find it reassuring, rather than triggering, to know that if my child did have a possible delay in gross motor skill development, that there would be support in place

sorry my first post sounded a bit brusque there, wasn't meant to.

There is a 10 month check?
My nearly 10 month DS sounds very much like your DS.
I don't think you need to worry about anything at this stage.

And my DD didn't move at all until 12 months when she bottom shuffled at speed. She wouldn't put her weight on her feet until 15 months, let alone pull herself up and finally walked alone at 17.5 months.
No one ever raised any concerns about her development.

CarrotCake - where we used to live there was hardly any HV service and therefore DD didn't have a 10mo check. If she had done I'm sure we would have received a similar assessment to what DS has just had as she only crawled aged 1 and walked at 18mo. I never had concerns about her as could see that she essentially had normal movement and it was more a personality thing rather than developmental. We moved before her second birthday and therefore she did have a two year check and surprise surprise was developmentally completely normal by then.