Please help - ds 4 is a total toilet refuse for poos

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Getting to the end of my tether with ds 4. He simply will not poo on the toilet. It always has to be on his potty. In the bathroom. Upstairs. With the door shut. Much encouragement and bribery has been tried but nothing has worked. Anyone have a magic wand any ideas of anything that may have helped other reluctant poo - ers.

Ds also won't wee at pre school. Holds it from 9 to 3.15 and comes home bursting. He gets his stubbornness from his dad.

Thanks in advance

What did he say when you asked him why he won't poop on the toilet or whizz at school?

He doesn't really say anything just says he doesn't need to go anymore and gets down. Then stands hopping from one foot to the other clearly desperate. Back to the toilet we go and nadda, same rigmarole. Have tried getting him to sit on the toilet for five mins and loads of distraction but nothing has worked.

At school I think it is because the toilets get a bit whiffy and so forth with all the other kids.

school toilets are horrible, and there is rarely any privacy. I don't know what you do about this. My dd is y6 and has almost never used the toilets at school for these reasons. She was also a reluctant toilet user when little. She was scared of it I think, though she can't remember this now.

If you are out the for day, and there is no potty, what does he do?

I remember being in Service Station toilets for 50 minutes, before dd finally relented and used it. She was about 5 I think. When we got home I was so demented by the whole thing I went to the GP who advised putting her back in nappies!

I didn't.

I think things eased up when her little brother started using the toilet, and her peers started commenting on her odd toilet behavior.

She's mostly fine now.

my dd was like this. I think it was because her feet were dangling on the loo and the position on the potty. ...feet planted, knees higher than hip level... helped her to poo. you could try a high step for the loo to get the knees up high. we went cold turkey, we were going on holiday and decided to leave the potty at home, dd just got on with it and used the loo, I hid the potty when we got back and she hasn't mentioned it again.

He will wee on the toilet but will hold a poo until we get home. We've got a seat with handles and a ladder as something new to try but I think it comes down to position. Without him squatting on the toilet seat (yes we've tried that) I can't replicate how he sits on the potty. He's also really diddy so if he doesn't have a kiddies toilet seat he would just fall in with his tiny bum. Think fear must be part of it as well.

Another problem is that dh suffers with health anxiety and the thought of pfb suffering any discomfort just turns him into a jibbering wreck. Whole other issue.

We had similar problems with our dd2. At first she'd only poo in a nappy so it was amazing progress for her to do it on the potty! She would cry with pain rather than do a poo not on the potty. Her withholding powers were amazing.

Things that helped:

1. We read the book poo goes to pooland a lot. It helps to reinforce the idea that poo is much happier in the toilet than the potty.

1. We promised a toy. A much coveted Ana doll.

1. We went on holiday. I'd brought the potty along and also the Ana doll. The change in routine plus the doll brought matters to a head and she did a poo at a nice National Trust property. She came out and told the ladies on the desk!

Poo goes to Pooland - I read about it in here - saved us all.

It's an online paper, check it out...and good luck it will happen!

Thanks very much - I have just downloaded it and will read it with him tomorrow.

I know he won't be clinging on to his potty when he goes to university but still does my head in.

Exactly! I knew dd would resolve it eventually but my goodness it was frustrating especially as I was outwardly being very calm and nonchalant about it.

It took a good few months of reading poo goes to pooland before she finally managed it but it was v useful.

Good luck!