Hyperactive two year old and feeling judged

[Anyothermother]

DS is 2.2. To set the scene he has always had bags of energy and needed to move a lot. He rolled over at 11 weeks, crawled at 6mo, walked at 9mo and could climb a ladder not long after 1. He has always just been super active and wanted to be everywhere, running and climbing.

I have always struggled with this right through from baby groups to now where we go to things like rhyme and play sessions as he just cant sit still. All the other little ones regardless of age will seem to stay with their parents, join in or watch and at most would have a little wander around but come back fairly easily if told. DS on the other hand would be doing everything except what was going on in the room - mainly trying to escape, touch things he shouldnt, or climb on things. Any attempt to stop him and bring him back to the group results in screaming, kicking and throwing himself on the floor and he will repeatedly break away again until I have to leave the room. He has always reacted like this so I don't feel it is age related - more that he is very strong willed in nature.

As he has got older he will join in for a short period of time before getting completely over excited and either screaming/shouting or charging around the room. I repeatedly tell him to stop and bring him back to me but it just makes him more determined and now amount of bringing him back makes him stop.

It is so mortifying as I can see other parents staring at me as I try to control him. I have been taking him to a rhyme time session at a local childrens centre and the first time I took him out because he started running round, a member of staff came up to me at the end and congratulated me for how I handled the situation (I sat him on a chair outside the room and continually brought him back to it when he got up). But I have had to bring him out the room every week since and this week the same member of staff seemed a bit off with me and snapped at me when I tried to go into another family room at the end of the session to feed DS2.

I have come home and just cried because I feel so isolated and judged by everyone - other parents and now staff at places I take him. I haver stopped taking him to some sessions because im embarrassed. Sometimes I physically sweat and feel close to tears trying to control him.

I do discipline him at home - constantly. He will say sorry and sit on the step at home when he has been naughty. He eats healthy home cooked meals mostly, only drinks water and doesnt have sugary snacks regularly so I dont think it is diet related. He has a fairly good routine (not rigid but he goes to bed well in his own bed and sleeps through). I feel like telling these people that I am trying to do everything right.

I am at a loss what to do. I have an 11 week old DS too so it is getting harder to deal with these situations with him in tow too.

Agreed SoMuch. I keep looking for DD's penis since I'm told constantly that boys are active, busy, loud and physical. Turns out lots of girls are too. DD is the most like this of all her little friends, and she has plenty of boy friends. Some are quiet, like Frozen, are shy, like music and are clingy. Weird.

Gosh, we have all been there. The thing to remember is that he is only 2.2. I know that will seem enormous compared with your 11 week old, but really he is just a baby himself. He can't be expected to sit nicely for classes if he doesn't want to, however much you discipline him. Plenty of time for sitting still later in school.
My strong advice is to give yourself a break You are probably knackered and not getting enough sleep, and two under 3 is hard hard work. Like others have said, go to play in places where he is able to run around like parks and beaches. And places you actually want to go yourself, to see your friends for example. Comparing yourself with other parents and children will only lead to misery, I am sure their kids have their moments too even if everything looks easy from the outside.
I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Go to soft play or other physical free play type activities.

Wow I am overwhelmed by all the responses here - thank you

Im sorry there are too many to reply individually but I have read and appreciate every response very much. It is so so comforting to know that many others have been through this!

It is a good perspective to realise that maybe parents of these more active little ones are purposefully not going to these groups. I have just been worrying that I should be helping him developmentally to do these sorts of things and to prepare him for preschool.

I do also take him to free play groups, soft play, park, and meet up with friends and their kids and I have to admit I find these settings much more enjoyable and less stressful. I suppose I have just been worrying about providing a bit of variety and structure to his play. At his two year review the hv noted that his concentration was short and I suppose I have been worrying about that too...

If you are worried about his concentration, try reading to him more when it's quieter

Just adding my story.. Ds 1 used to sit beautifully and listen to the stories and join in with the songs. He was a quiet little boy who didn't climb or dive about much. He still is quite calm at 8
Ds2 is 20 months and is the exact opposite!! He won't sit still for anything and climbs everything regardless of what or where.. I just take him to places where he can climb safely and we give the groups a miss where he'd need to sit and listen
You are not alone and he might start to enjoy the quieter groups as he gets older.. I hope my ds will too

Boost his concentration at home once he's been exhausted outside running around. I can get DS to sit still and do magazines, read books, play with coloured water for ages but only if he has had some time to be a loon first.

OP, you're definitely not alone! My DCs' attention spans grew massively over the course of the year between 2 and 3. Just go with the flow as much as you can. Do outdoorsy things - it'll be easier as the weather improves. And don't be too hard on yourself - it's bloody hard having a baby and a toddler at times.

Although tbh at 2.2, they have the attention span of a gnat as standard.

My 9 year old still has the attention span off a gnat. In his head he has already moved on to the next thing!!!

You will get used to it and as others have said - avoid things that need lots of sitting and cconcentration, neither of you will enjoy it!!!

Thank you all! Some of your responses have given me a little laugh too so thank you!

He does love the outdoors so we can definately do a lot more of this, lots of good ideas thanks.

Its really good to hear from those whove had an active one and a quieter one. I can already tell DS2 is a bit calmer as he is a much more chilled baby.

Now ive calmed down and had time to reflect, I have had more sympathy than judginess but it only takes one or two judgey looks to make you feel like crap! One mum a perfectly behaved little girl in a princess dress was just staring at me when I was trying to control DS1 and of course I cant tell what she is thinking but I certainly didnt get a sympathetic smile and I could just do without people staring. The cc staff are sometimes the worst...I clearly tell DS not to do things and remove him from situations and yet some of them tell him off as well or hover over him barely giving me a second to tell him to get down/stop running round etc. before they are saying it. Its like they hover waiting for him to do something out of line.

Box I do read to him every night and he doesnt have a problem listening to that. I think it is more in group settings he struggles

If it helps, my little nutter found an activity she loved, and simply flew.

She (yes, karoleann, if you read the thread you'll see it's not just boys) is 11 now, trains 18 hours a week, and is nationally ranked for her sport

The hours training keep her energy in control enough that she does well at school, can watch a film etc. miss a session though and woe betide us, she's jumping off the sofa's again!

Dd is nearly 3 and still the same about not sitting for story or rhymes in a group.
I think most of the others are at nursery though.
For her it is not a concentration issue, as she can focus very well at home.
I think maybe bored of the same rhymes she can say herself from 18m.
Can multi-task by running around and listening.
I started leaving when it gets to that time in the group.
But overall she has never been as placid as some of the other kids. We've already come a long way with her not previously sitting still at snack time.
I think she wants the 1-2-1 story /singing

Even when people judge, they may learn. A friend's DH once told me that their perfect, biddable girl was that way because of their parenting. Friend rolled her eyes at him. But it took her DD hitting the threenage years and them having DD2 who was NOT biddable, to see that it was all just chance.

Aww, poor you

DS was an utter lunatic at that age too and it was hard. I used to get exactly that feeling of breaking out in a cold sweat and being constantly mortified by his behavior. He was always the only one running around not listening at music class or story time.

Eventually I gave up on all the baby classes and just took him to one class that he loved, gymnastics (no surprise there!) and spent hours at the park on play dates with similarly high energy friends. Even then he was like Forrrest Gump tearing away across the park, running like a demon.

He is now 3.5 and a lot calmer. Still very high energy and can go all day without a nap with a hectic schedule but he will sit and listen now when he wants to. We were at a puppet show today and he waited patiently in his seat for a whole 15 minutes and sat enraptured by the show for another 20 minutes after that.

So it will get better. They do learn to calm down eventually. In the meantime, ditch the sedentary activities and let him burn off all his energy doing physical stuff that he enjoys. Good luck!

Massive hugs to you it's not easy feeling like youve got the 'hardwork' little one.
My DS1 turns 4 in a couple of months and he has always been extremely high energy and it always peaked when we were out.

He'd be the only kid at playgroup who went around trying all the doors in the church hall, fiddling with the radiator valves or plug sockets and didn't particularly love sitting for the 10am juice and biscuit. We had to stop Rhyme Time because he'd run out of the library or over to the escalators or climb up on to the PC tables!

If we went for a walk in the woods, or somewhere that wasn't contained he'd be a dot in the distance...and wouldn't come back.
I was a hot sweaty tearful (and shouty) mess every time.

It was draining because at home he'd happily have a run around the garden and potter about, painting the fence (which I was happy with) or playing in the sandpit or with water. He was/is equally happy sitting at the table doing arty stuff, puzzles or imaginative play with no problem.

He has calmed down a lot in the last 18 months and I spent the whole of last Summer working on getting him to walk nicely next to the buggy, coming back when called and listening when I speak...I'll be honest though: all of this has gone out of the window since he started Nursery and now we have Toddler Attitude to go with the endless energy and not listening!

Hi any updates please

I used to lok on with envy at mums who had babies who would sit contentedly on their laps for hours on end when visiting family & friends. By the time they could crawl mine would last ten minutes before wanting up & at it exploring & touching everything in the room😂

Please don't let professionals diagnose your toddlers as ADHD or hyperactive. The most clever kids at this stage are so interested in everything going on around them they can't get enough of life. They don't need a label until far older & it's an obvious problem.