Hyperactive two year old and feeling judged

[Anyothermother]

DS is 2.2. To set the scene he has always had bags of energy and needed to move a lot. He rolled over at 11 weeks, crawled at 6mo, walked at 9mo and could climb a ladder not long after 1. He has always just been super active and wanted to be everywhere, running and climbing.

I have always struggled with this right through from baby groups to now where we go to things like rhyme and play sessions as he just cant sit still. All the other little ones regardless of age will seem to stay with their parents, join in or watch and at most would have a little wander around but come back fairly easily if told. DS on the other hand would be doing everything except what was going on in the room - mainly trying to escape, touch things he shouldnt, or climb on things. Any attempt to stop him and bring him back to the group results in screaming, kicking and throwing himself on the floor and he will repeatedly break away again until I have to leave the room. He has always reacted like this so I don't feel it is age related - more that he is very strong willed in nature.

As he has got older he will join in for a short period of time before getting completely over excited and either screaming/shouting or charging around the room. I repeatedly tell him to stop and bring him back to me but it just makes him more determined and now amount of bringing him back makes him stop.

It is so mortifying as I can see other parents staring at me as I try to control him. I have been taking him to a rhyme time session at a local childrens centre and the first time I took him out because he started running round, a member of staff came up to me at the end and congratulated me for how I handled the situation (I sat him on a chair outside the room and continually brought him back to it when he got up). But I have had to bring him out the room every week since and this week the same member of staff seemed a bit off with me and snapped at me when I tried to go into another family room at the end of the session to feed DS2.

I have come home and just cried because I feel so isolated and judged by everyone - other parents and now staff at places I take him. I haver stopped taking him to some sessions because im embarrassed. Sometimes I physically sweat and feel close to tears trying to control him.

I do discipline him at home - constantly. He will say sorry and sit on the step at home when he has been naughty. He eats healthy home cooked meals mostly, only drinks water and doesnt have sugary snacks regularly so I dont think it is diet related. He has a fairly good routine (not rigid but he goes to bed well in his own bed and sleeps through). I feel like telling these people that I am trying to do everything right.

I am at a loss what to do. I have an 11 week old DS too so it is getting harder to deal with these situations with him in tow too.

I had one too :)

Don't take him to places he needs to sit still or "play nicely". You'll feel crap, he won't get it.

Find physical activities where he can utilise his energy. Toddler gymnastics is great, find a club near you through the bg website. To start its fairly unregulated but they will gradually start to introduce rules and instructions.

Dance, martial arts, swimming, soft play, park. Get a balance bike, there are some cycle clubs that do balance bike races. Trampoline clubs, anything!

Bin singing/music/rhyme/library time. I tried library once, all sitting nicely doing actions while mine tried to climb the book stacks!

Sounds familiar!

Quite honestly I would pick toddler groups very carefully and avoid indoor/ sit still type sessions. My Ds couldn't cope with sit down stuff at that age, and it has no relation to his intellect at all,so the judgy types can stuff it quite frankly.

Invest in lots and lots of outdoor toys and play equipment which he will enjoy. I would probably try to loosen up on the discipline at home because I doubt that he is naughty,just very,very active. If he needs to move about all the time then maybe find ways for him to do so safely and have fun.

The In Sync child book (look on amazon for authors) is good for active learning. Remember that some people need to move to learn - maybe he's a really bright,fun,busy engaged learner ,a child you can be proud of.

Make friends with other parents of busy learners because you can chuck them out to play together.(sorry this is really disjointed Ds is chatting away to me)

It's not you and it's not him- I bet he's lovely- it's the setting which doesn't match the child.

Are you me, OP?
We stopped going to rhyme time for that reason and found toddler groups worked better. Our one locks everyone in so there's no mucking about! He's much better at focussing now and is off to nursery soon sobs

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Also when he joins nursery / clubs talk to the adults in charge and explain what he needs. I've come across a few adults who struggled with lively children (which is fine because it works in reverse) and some people who completely get it and find ds fun.

Could you find something like a local forest school group? No reason you can't sing in the woods

There's obviously lots of "active" groups but they are mostly charged activities so you have my sympathy if you've been trying to contain a busy 2.2 yr old and wean a baby at the same time without spending pots of cash.
What about your local mn forum? Advertise for meet ups with other parents of busy toddlers so you've got some adult company while you try to wear his legs out.

Yep. As above. I had one of these. Go places where he can burn off the excess energy.
Get him a scooter or balance bike, and go exploring.
We had a fab "Stay and Play" sure start session, which while it had 10 mins of singing at the end, the rest of a mix of playing or craft (you could choose) BUT you need to select the toddler groups with care. If there is more sitting still than running, go and try another group.

or as someone once told me, treat emergitic kids like dogs: feed well and excerise twice a day

DS got thrown out of baby rhyme

I scrapped groups and ran about on the beach / at the park a lot instead. We ventured to playgroup occasionally, when he was in the mood, but there was no point the rest of the time. I second baby gymnastics, oh, and swimming worked for us too.

If its any consolation, he is better (but still manic!) at 3 because he can be semi reasoned with. "Ds we are going in the library now, please don't run or you will upset everyone reading" gets a 50% success rate.... which is better than what it was!

Totally agree with the others. He is not unusual. I have had 3 like this and the third is just approaching two with no sign of changing yet! Once your DS is older he will sit and join in but developmentally it's totally appropriate that he doesn't yet.

I can really relate to your physically sweating and close to tears bit. I get this hot flush when DD "starts" and I almost panic even though she's my third child!!! Even harder because I have to drag her to school and back twice a day - plus take her to events that really aren't designed for toddlers as I have two significantly older DC. I really take my hat off to you for managing a baby as well - I have no small age gaps and always just think there is no way I could!!!!

So, with some perspective, I would not put yourself in any situations where you don't need to be. Your DS doesn't need to go to any of these groups - as a child under 3 he gets all he needs from you. So, just go to things where you feel comfortable and where you can hopefully chat and get some support from other mums/dads. I take DD to a playgroup where it is all safely enclosed and there is very little trouble she can get into - she can run wild all morning and I get to sit and chat/drink coffee. I also take her to swimming lessons (slightly more challenging especially to start with as she just wanted to run off and splash where she wanted but she does stay in line with the routine to some degree now) and she loves anything active and water related. The other two days I look after her we just meet up with friends (usually at home and never in a cafe as unfortunately at the moment she won't sit for more than ten mins), or go out to a park, or play at home. If I end up somewhere that doesn't work for her (school assembly for example) I just accept she needs to be strapped in with a book for a few minutes, followed by Peppa Pig on You tube for the rest of the time - a snack might work for 30 seconds. If I try to sit her on my lap to watch quietly it never happens and I get really stressed about it.

Please don't feel judged and I don't think you need to discipline him for having natural curiosity - maybe if he was behaving like that at four but he's only a baby. Remember he's also coping with a new sib and playing up gets him attention (totally natural) but best to avoid the situations where he has a chance to play up IMO.

I agree to ditch any group that requires sitting still. That will come as he gets older. For now stick to parks, soft play, gymnastics, big playgrounds...

My DS was the same too. All the other children would be listening with rapt attention or doing the song actions beautifully, DS would be running around the romantic fiction section pretending to be a bin lorry. I stopped going to rhyme time. It's not compulsory, although it may feel like it sometimes. :p If it's any consolation, the other parents probably weren't judging you, just being thankful it wasn't their offspring this time. :)

My boys have all been the same so I only suffered through the group horror with the first. I then gave up as it was way too stressful and the only time I wasn't enjoying him. They are just lively active boys who love to play outdoor. Absolutely nothing wrong with them. Ds1 is now at grammar school so he did eventually learn to sit still for a bit! They are all intelligent lads so it has no bearing on anything like that. I try to pal up with other mothers of boys who get it. I'm not one for organised activities myself and their dad is an outdoor type so probably runs in the family. I can totally identify with the hot stressed feeling though as all the mums of sedentary children silently judge!

Yes that was us! Dd was exactly as you describe. At a baby group where all the others were joining in songs she would crawl off to eat shoes. Stick with free play sessions or baby gym physical ones. All the others will catch up eventually and they will all be raising merry hell! Dd is now in reception and great at sitting still and doing activities but still loves running and climbing and wrestling!

These structured, sit and watch and sit and join in type groups are self selecting. It is only parents with children who are willing to do that, reliably, that actually go. Your son's behaviour is very common, its just that parents with children like him aren't choosing to attend these groups. They are all in the park, in soft play, playing football, running in open spaces, basically anything unstructured.

Don't beat yourself up. My eldest child would have been one of those perfectly behaved children, following every instruction and joining in with all activities.

My youngest is a law unto himself. Granted, he has SN, but he is also very wilful, physical and mischievious. I've taken him to structured groups in the past, and been sobbing to myself as I, yet again, run after him and try to bring him back to the structured activity. And repeat, times twenty, over the enxt 45 minutes. I don't torture myself, or him, anymore

Yes DS was the same. Dd was one of those perfect sit and pay attention children then ds came along. Definitely find active groups I never bothered with any singing groups with him. in the end I used to go to one group and when they sang at the end I sat in the circle but if ds wanted to roam about I let him. He is just 5 and can sit perfectly now. I didn't think that would ever happen!

Mine was like this and I avoided groups until he was over 18 months old because it was so stressful and I felt so judged and unwelcome. He was much better by the age of 2 and brilliant by 2.5 - so well behaved. He just got his difficult phase out of his system early. However, despite how well behaved he was after that, we could never go to rhyme time or story time because he found them both utterly boring and just did not want to be there.

I simply wouldn't take ds to any sort of structured stuff anymore. We did a music class thing when he was younger but as soon as he could walk he was off and there was no way he'd sit through even one song let alone 30 minutes worth. We go to the library but not during rhyme time and i just let him roam about and pick some books. We go to the park every day for a bit of a run around. We do a couple of toddler groups but, as opposed to baby groups or music/sign classes etc they're mayhem, all of the kids just run around so ds fits in! I think you have to fit activities to the child not the child to the activity IYSWIM.

I've actually just cried hormonal pregnant lady reading this.

DS is only 16 months but is just a hurricane of destruction. We've done groups since he was tiny and I've been forcing myself to keep doing them despite my DS being constantly crawling on things/pulling things off walls, shrieking/ climbing/grabbing other babies! Hes a lovely, happy clever boy at home but just looks like a wild child compared to all the other mums whose children stay within a metre perimeter and sit, smile and clap/wave when they should! I've came back and cried so many times feeling judged I've lost count!

This thread has made me see he IS normal and that I just need to change out activities to suit his personality!

Hope this thread has made you feel better too OP.

My boy is exactly the same, I've been so embarrassed by him never keeping still when all the other children are sitting nicely.
I don't go to anywhere that involves keeping still anymore - I leave playgroups before the singing begins.

DD was the same. I played to her strengths. Outdoors, active and fresh air. She didn't manage 'circle time' until preschool (and peer pressure).

I still remember ballet

I've had 2 of those. You just follow them around and leave them too it until they are 4 as far as I can see. Drag them out of danger, stop things dropping and hope you can keep up. I've never really seen any one judge me for it, pity me maybe but never judgement.

DD the same - there's some great advice here. Please go easy on yourself...

Yep have had one of those too!

Agree just do things that are less stressful for you all.

Lots of boys are like that. Both my DS' never sat still for anything.
I'm still amazed when the little boys (2 of them), manage to sit through DD's monkey music class. I attempted the class with DS2 and he would much rather him the small child next to him with the drumstick rather than the drum.

I think you just need to lower your expectations and do more physical classes. With the boys I did mini-football, gymboree (they didn't join in much with the sitting down bits), swimming. We also went to the park A LOT, I would try and get out of the house by 9.30am at the earliest.

sorry that last bit should say by at the latest!

Karaoleann it has nothing to do with "lots of boys are like this". Lots of children are like this - at least half of this thread is about DDs. My DD won't sit still either, I'm fairly sure it's not because she's "like a boy".