Worried about 1yo's behaviour since starting nursery

[GaryWilmotsWedding]

My dd has had lots of settling in sessions at nursery and started properly 3 days per week last week as I have returned to work. She has been an incredibly easy baby (apart from issues with eating, but that's another story), very quick to adapt and has been left overnight with my parents several times and always been fine. She seemed like she was developing into a very confident and happy little girl - would go off and explore as soon as she could, not at all clingy and hardly ever cried. Since starting nursery she sticks to me like a limpet and seems generally unhappy, even when she is not at nursery and it has been a couple of days since she went. She is waking early and last night woke up and screamed and screamed unless being held by me. When some friends came over yesterday whom she has seen quite a bit she was quite fearful and teary. I feel like all our hard work in trying to help her feel secure and confident has just gone down the pan and I'm damaging her in some way. This morning she cried as soon as I got her out of the car and gripped on to me so tightly that I had to literally peel her off me. They tell me she is quite happy during the day and I have seen her through the window looking just fine only a few moments after I leave.

I am very surprised at her reaction to this since she has shown no signs of being nervous in these types of situations before. Can anyone share a similar story and reassure me I am not being terribly cruel in sending her to nursery? Others say I am not, but I feel I am quite an introverted person with much older brothers and sisters who struggled when moving from a tiny village school to secondary school. I was keen for her to go to nursery and begin mixing with other children without me at a quite young age. We are very affectionate and attentive parents but not overly so I don't think. She has always wanted to do things by herself and we have happily gone with that - eg she would never fall asleep in my arms she actually wanted to be put down in her own room and left to fall asleep herself.

I just don't recognise this child and am so worried my happy little girl is disappearing before my eyes...

You are not being cruel! There are some, on MN as in real life, who say nursery is not right for those under 3 or so. I disagree - I believe a good nursery can be just as suitable as any other form of childcare, regardless of age.

This is probably by far the biggest change in her life so far and it really is early days still. Plus 12m is I think when theory of mind starts to kick in - basically they become much more aware that they are separate to other people. It is a classic time for separation anxiety to really get a hold, even when other changes aren't happening too.

I think it is extremely likely she will settle down in a few weeks, but I know it's v hard to deal with in the meantime.

perfectly normal for her to be upset she can't tell you that she would rather stay with you any other way. The fact she seems happy moments later is a very good sign! Most likely when you are with friends she thinking the same thing will happen. Hopefully things will settle down and you will feel less guilty leaving her.