Should I be worried about my 4 year old?

[Littleworrier]

I was wondering if anyone could help.

I'm starting to worry about my 4 year old (just turned) Dd. She's got a speech delay and is selectively mute at nursery (she goes 5 mornings a week & loves it even though she cant say much). She's had her hearing tested and all is fine, and is making good progress with speech therapy (she sees someone every couple of months).
She has quite a lot of words and to me she can say quite long sentences (an example of one she said today- "Is it my turn yet? Can I have a go in a minute please?") she just doesn't pronounce the words properly. Eg "f" words are pronounced with a "b" etc.

What I'm worried about is that she seems a bit different to her peers- a bit younger almost. Although I don't know lots of other 4 year olds so I don't know if I'm worrying over nothing.

Here are some of her traits. Is this normal for a 4 yr old?

• not bothered about reading books. She enjoys her bedtime book but won't sit still in the day to read one
• says "what did you say?" A lot. She also will ask me this a couple of times after the same question. It's often when I've asked her something a bit more complicated like "did your friend like the present we'd bought her?"
• I can't have a sustained conversation with her yet.
• she can't count more than 4 objects
• she can rote count up to 20 but often misses numbers or goes round in circles eg 12, 13, 14, 15, 11, 12, 13 ....
• she can't read yet. At nursery they have to find their name and pin it to a board. She knows the letter her name begins with, so will often pick any name that also begins with that letter.
• short term memory doesn't seem so good. She went to a party yesterday with her dad but she couldn't (wouldn't?) tell me what she'd done.
• has only recently started watching TV. Would never really sit & watch it before. She doesn't really get into things (eg frozen) like her friends though.
• she is really good physically. Could walk up & down stairs, jump, catch a ball etc from quite an early age. Her favourite games are chase, trampolining etc
• we have quite a few toys at home eg duplo, play kitchen, dolls house but they never really get played with. She's happier running about collecting objects in a bag or pushing her toy pushchair around
• she has 2 younger sisters that she loves playing with (they do argue too) but really looks after them.

I don't know if the speech delay is making me think too much about her development when really she is fine. From what I've said do you think there's anything to worry about? Thanks.

The speech delay is unfortunate for her, but then it is good that she can say the longer sentences you mention. In the last few days I have replied to several parents with 2 to 4 year old children, who are very shy and quiet at playgroup/nursery, and people speculate about children being 'selectively mute', but I think it is because of the less familiar environment where they don't feel entirely 'safe' to be themselves.

Don't worry too much about the counting and word recognition for now, nor about not concentrating on TV, which should be kept to a minimum anyway.

That is interesting that she is so 'physical', and I think to concentrate on and develop these skills. So help her to improve at the things she likes; maybe when she is on the trampoline, help her to count the number of jumps she can do.

You say she collects objects in a bag; what sort of objects, and is there any link or pattern to things she likes to collect?

If you can, build up the longer, more complicated sentences and discussions with her, perhaps even keeping a written note for information, to monitor how much she can do, and how it develops.

Duplo is good, as it can be used for counting, learning colours, matching shapes, as well as the more obvious 'building up and knocking down'. Do you have any child-safe scissors? Cutting up junk mail, catalogues etc, and maybe sticking in a 'scrap book', or sticking on thin card to make your own jigsaw puzzles. Threading-laces, and large beads (too big to swallow) or cotton reels are good for manual skills.

Does she help you cooking; just playing with pasta, flour, ice-cubes etc can be stimulating.

I'll look back sometime to see how you get on.

Thank you Ferguson. You've given me some very helpful tips.

It was the speech therapist who said she has selective mutism. I did think she was just shy (as I am too). But it is interesting that she will talk a little in the playground but not at all in the nursery building.

We do a lot of physical activities. Baking & threading etc. She is really good at that. she can dress herself which I think is good for her age (I think?). I will incorporate more counting games into this- thank you. I do find it hard to get her to sit down and do other activities though. We do flash cards (as advised by speech therapist) which she will do, but I have to bribe her.

When collecting things in her bags- it's just random toys- there's no pattern to it.

Feeling more upset today. In the 1.5 hrs while we were getting ready for nursery she asked me to repeat myself 9 times. But her hearing is fine according to the tests. I was also just was watching her at nursery while they were all singing. She didnt join in & I realised that when she sings at home she can't get the tune or words right either. I feel like we're in such a grey area at the moment. I could be worrying over nothing, or maybe I am?

Thanks

Could the hearing tests be wrong does anyone know? I know several children with hearing problems who passed the newborn one, has she been evaluated recently, and if so how thoroughly? It really does sound like hearing is difficult for her. If it's not her issues could it be difficulties processing language. I think I'd push to get this looked at again.

I currently have a girl in my Brownie unit who wouldn't talk outside the home until she was at least 5. She's 9 now, and still quiet, and shy, but will talk back if talked too.

And my DD failed a school hearing test, and was referred for a superior test. She failed that first time too. On questionning, she thought it was funny and was pressing the button just at random times. Once I explained to her the purpose of the test, she passed with flying colours on the second time (just goes to show that you should talk to your children)

I don't intend to alarm you but the old saying is, if a mother thinks something is wrong, it perhaps is.

My DD is 5.5 and being assessed for aspergers currently and had all the same signs as your DD at 4. Girls present differently to boys and if you look at Tania Marshall's work on pre school girls, everything fitted my DD. Mine has a seemingly extrovert personality but actually doesn't know she is too much. She seems rude & thoughtless now at 5.5 and cannot understand other children's behaviour - unless they are physically crying or laughing. She just tells them what to do and what the rules are and repeats set phrases at them.

She also had had supposed hearing issues & goes mute when she disagrees. I find stroking her hair helps. Also cannot sing songs properly only learnt abc song recently .

Hope this doesn't alarm you, jut lots and lots of little things about my DD never added up and girls present v differently to he aggressive boy stereotype obsessed with trains/ space.

My kids had speech delay & needed us to repeat loads, they just were such lousy listeners I reckon. They outgrew it.

I can't have a sustained conversation with her yet.

What does that mean?

Most things on your list sound totally normal. A couple of question marks, though.

The asking you to repeat yourself could suggest a hearing problem (I know she's been tested but some conditions like glue ear are intermittent), or a processing problem (some people need a lot more time to process sound and make sense of it). Either of these would explain a lot of things like not being able to follow films, sustain conversations or sing.

Thank you. I think I'm going to request another hearing test. She must have said "what did you say?" to me about 100 times today

When I say she can't have a sustained conversation with me I mean we don't really chat. I ask her lots of questions and I get replies most of the time, but it never goes further than that.

What do I do next? How will I know if it's anything like ASD or a processing disorder? I wouldn't have thought asd as she loves being with other children and seems to understand their feelings. However I don't know much about it & I didn't realise girls presented differently. I've voiced my concerns to nursery and they don't think anything is wrong with her. But then as she doesn't really talk they don't expect much of her either.

I feel gutted for her at the moment. I really, really don't want her to start school in September.

I have DTs (2 yo) who are such hard work too. This just feels overwhelming.

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment . I think another hearing test would be a good idea.

A good source of information on asd in girls or sensory processing disorder (and also of support if you are feeling shaky) are the Special Needs childrens boards on here. Parents with concerns often post on there to get advice on seeking diagnosis, and to be pointed towards info and resources for various conditions. The mums on there won't diagnose (obviously) but won't dismiss you out of hand either.

Have you researched auditory processing disorder. My 8 year old behaved very similar to your daughter at the same age....she has suspected APD...going for a diagnosis at GOSH in June. The 'what did you say' repeated is very common....we get 'what' and 'huh' a lot. APD children's hearing is always fine, it's the listening skills that they struggle with.
My daughter didn't really speak at school until year 1 and found big group situations stressful as she found it so hard to follow a conversation. Her short term memory is shocking too.
We had to dismiss ASD and ADHD first.
Good luck. Feel free to message me if you feel it rings a few bells