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2.5 year old biting me

3 replies

SpanielFace · 26/03/2015 21:16

Just a bit of advice, really. My 2.5 year old DS has started biting me. Not in anger, or while lashing out, but quite deliberately. Timing varies, but usually it's quite clearly for attention - he was sat on my knee eating his snack while I was attempting to have a conversation with another adult, and because my attention wasn't fully on him he bit my arm! He's generally a happy, affectionate little boy but is going through a stage of being quite argumentative, if you can be argumentative at 2 - shouting "no!" when asked to do something, shouting "that's MINE!" when asked to hand something over etc. Just normal toddler stuff, I think. I work 2 days a week and on the days when I'm at home he has my full attention for most of the day, but obviously there are times when I need to speak to another adult, make a phone call, cook dinner etc. I'm not sure how best to handle it. I've tried just telling him no firmly, and that it hurts mummy, but he then wants to say sorry and give me a cuddle - which is fine, except that it has become him biting me and then immediately saying "cuddle mummy?" - so effectively it's rewarding him! So I've started putting on the naughty step, and ignoring him for 2 minutes, which is a new thing for us, but I'm not sure if it's the right approach. I feel it makes sense that if the goal is attention, I shouldn't reward him with any attention, positive or negative - does that sound right? How would you handle it?
(Luckily, in a way, it's only me that he bites, so no complaints from nursery - not yet anyway!)

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kimistayingalive · 26/03/2015 21:27

I would stick with telling him No and that it hurts but instead of immediately hugging and saying sorry put him in time out first then get him to say sorry.

Because then you would be showing him he doesn't get "nice attention" for biting and he still has to apologise.

At least that's what I would do.
Mine went through a biting stage (along with hitting, kicking, headbutting, the lot)when tantrumming and it was only through perseverance of reinforcing what we expected and showing him it wasn't allowed that he stopped. He still occasionally tantrums (once a week at the worst) but it's mostly down to tiredness or not getting his way and most of them exist in tears and the occasional stompy feet (which he's threatened with being put outside to calm down if he doesn't stop the banging and works).

The biggest thing is to follow through on threats and to make any consequences suitable and realistic.

SpanielFace · 26/03/2015 21:32

Thanks. That is pretty much what I've started doing, so that's reassuring. I do wish they came with an instruction manual! Wink

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kimistayingalive · 26/03/2015 21:44

An on/off or pause and volume switch would be handy at times especially during tantrums but then same could be said of my DH at times too.

Hope he calms down, it may take time but persevere. If you get really concerned maybe speak to HV.

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