3yr old boy is this normal?

[goldlion]

First time poster on here but really could do with some advice.
My ds is just 3 and is generally a lovely boy. But he seems to have a quick temper, hits out at myself and dh. Sometimes his sisters. He also growls as a sign of displeasure sometimes. The growling is something he started and we reacted to and I think this maybe is making him do it more.
He is at preschool and they don't have any issues with his behaviour or development they said he has the odd tantrum but they seem unconcerned.
I feel I have got a handle on his behaviour; I always make him apologise if he hurts anyone. We use the naughty step and recently started taking toys away. None of them seem to work but I guess its getting the message across.
The main issue is that my dh struggles and says we need to be harder on him....I disagree. He says he's not putting up with being hit by him. He's 3 so I don't see it quite like that. Also my Ds unfortunately always asks me to do things for him eg help him get dressed and says he doesn't want Daddy to do it :(
I would be interested to know if anyone else has experienced this behaviour by their child. I don't want to dismiss it but I do feel that its quite common and as he progresses and his comprehension and articulation improves his behaviour will improve. Or am I being a bit soft.

I agree sounds fairly normal, but I would definitely not accept being hit under any circumstances. I certainly have sympathy with you that not wanting Daddy to do it is a major pain in the backside...

Thanks Fififrog. Any tips re hitting? It really is such a pain as putting on PJs whilst reading a story and feeding a baby is a challenge :)

My DS is 2.5 and we had a lot of problems with this sort of thing. Always came out of the blue, like the hot temper you describe. I actually got the HV out to help as it got really bad. I think it is quite a common problem but most people experience it on a lower level.

We have now taken a much more structured approach to time outs, using the buggy and a timer and a warning system. I didn't think it would make a difference but actually it has and things are much improved. DH and I were being consistent and we were both getting less angry because we knew exactly what we needed to do. If your little boy has picked up on your different approaches it will be confusing for him so try and unify.

We do:

Warning
Time Out
Timer for 2 minutes
Reinforcement of what the issue was and option of saying sorry or a sorry cuddle.

If serious incident then straight into time out. But usually the warning is enough now.

Things are not perfect but we are getting there. We are also doing loads of praising, rewards etc for good behaviour and I do believe in positive parenting, but the violence could not be allowed to continue.

Fab thanks msjupiter. I think you're right regarding a more structured approach to time outs. We have been a bit all over the place.

I am going to chat to DH and decide a better approach. In fact I think I will copy yours!!

I feel better knowing it's not just my ds and its great having some ideas and advice. Thanks again

How old is your baby? Just asking because if he is acting up at home but not at nursery and you have a new baby in the house, it sounds like jealousy - esp as he is being so possessive of you. I know that doesn't really help with dealing with it, but it might help to keep that in mind. I'm not saying you should put up with hitting and I would go with the time out strategy msjupiter suggests, but I would probably go along with the whole helping him to get dressed stuff - he is only 3 and he probably needs reassurance that you don't suddenly expect him to be all grown up just because there is a baby in the house.

Thanks caitlinohara, the baby is actually just turned one so not so weeny. His behaviour definitely changed when she turned up but hopefully he's used to her now. Although he doesn't have a lot of time for her but I think that's standard :)
I have to remind myself that he's only just 3 and maybe I am expecting too much. On the whole he's adorable just has a temper.
He was toilet trained last month and my mum thinks that has made him a bit cross :)

Mine is three and you could be describing him. He also hits at nursery if he thinks the children are being naughty, or if someone takes his toy, or goes too close to his friend or....I could go on! Teacher reassured us it is very common at that age and of course some people do have more of a temper than others. I have a hot temper, probably he will too unfortunately so we are going through the same, trying to say it is ok to be cross but not ok to hit. I try to encourage him to take himself off somewhere to calm down and come back when he is ready and if he wants to scream and throw things then fine whatever as long as he isn't hurting anyone or damaging his things. It's a phase, it will pass!

TheOddity that's exactly the same with my ds. A lot of the time he's dishing out his own version of discipline! Obviously we never smack or hit though!
Yup; I too have a hot temper so hopefully he will learn to control his as I have. Feel heaps better now thanks :)