Help with handling 12 yr old DS

[cathykate]

Hi all. I could really do with some advice as to how to handle my 12 yr ds. I can't say anything to him without him telling me I'm wrong, he's started shouting at me and just generally being rude and unpleasant to me. I can't tell him anything because he knows better...I know people will read this and tell me it is a phase and they all go through this but it is really hurting and upsetting me so much.. He comes home from school and goes straight to his room onto xbox etc, doesn't tell me anything about his day. I really would like some advice and tips on how to deal with this and coping mechanisms. I am a single parent but his father is very much part of his life...his answer to this is "well he's growing up" and he is probably right but that doesn't help me deal with the situation.

CathyKate, you cannot let it get to you. I found singing a few verses of "teenage dirtbag" made me feel so much better. They cannot help it, underneath all that they still love you, and are still the same sweet kid. You just have to encourage them to remember that. Baby photos, Cathy. Mine actually apologised and admitted she was button-pushing to get a reaction AND sat on my lap. big unmumsnettty hug to you.
Big grin:

ty buubblegirl i'm taking a deep breath :)

maplebaconchips Lol ty so much for post xx :) :) really made me smile xx

How is it going, CathyKate? Any sign light light at the end of the tunnel?

Hello there,,,it is very early days yet..but I think he has realised how upset and hurt I was..Yesterday morning as he was leaving for school he turned and gave me a big hug AND when he got home, he did his homework downstairs and baked cakes in kitchen (school project) and NO XBox at all. There were NO cross words all evening, I let him get on with it and only offered asvice when asked LOL. Obviously he won't keep that up for long but I think it is a good sign that he was trying to show that he was sorry. And if he feels like that all is not lost :):)

OH good news! Im also trying to keep up the positive relationship with my 12 year old. It is not always easy, especially not offering advice when not asked, but I suppose its important to get a good understanding going forwards. I desperately want a good relationship with mine as they go into their teens. Im really happy for you Cathy, you sounded so sad before.

Hi, just wanted to agree with PPs, the calmer you can be, the better. I found that walking away really helped. I say 'I'll leave you to have a word with yourself and let you apologise to me when you have calmed down' It might take a while, but they do it

Just one thing about the x box, ours are FIFA mad, but I found that they got really angry when playing online, stressed if they didn't win (raging at tv and banging around). I tried getting them to play Minecraft instead - turned them both into human beings again! We give them a limited time too.

Cooking is a good one, if you can get them in the kitchen. I invite mine (individually) to help prepare the meal, then they get a lot of praise at the table from all the family. Either that, or sit with the baby for a bit, he makes anyone turn gooey and full of love! Good luck OP

I couldn't tell you about violent games. However, video games are addictive and I think this may explain some of his behaviour.

As a parent I think it is fine to say that screens are fun, but not all the time. (Puts down phone and leaves MN for a bit...)

So pleased you've had a few good days. Build on those

I tend to start each day afresh. Ds2 seems to forget that he's been rude to me just 5 minutes ago, so it's an opportunity to ask for an apology

I have also, when things have been extreme, videod him. That tends to stop him pretty quickly. Means I can play it back, which he won't want to hear, or I might say I'm putting it in Instagram