Shyness and not speaking

[catnipkitty]

Hi, I'm hoping this is the correct place to post... I have 3 DDs, an 11 yr old who is quiet and thoughtful, not particularly chatty, a big shy but I'm not overly concerned as she does seem to be gaining confidence as she gets older. DDs 2 and 3 are 10 yr old ID twins and they are really shy. They will hardly speak outside the family even to people they've known for years when they do speak its 1 or 2 very quiet words. I'm worried about them, they don't seem to be getting any better, people look at them strangely, and much to my shame I feel embarrassed. Any ideas on how to help them please?

How do they get on in school?

Similarly very quiet.

Could the fact of being twins be the clue, that they only need to communicate with each other?

Are they both equal or is one dominant over the other in any consistent way?

What were they like as babies/toddlers or in nursery? Situations such as this don't suddenly arise; there must have been clues as to their personality and confidence as they were growing up.

What is their academic performance in school like: core subjects; additional subjects; games/PE; music, drama etc? Do they do any outside activities or clubs; do they share such activities, or is one happy to cope on her own?

Are they generally happy, or are they aware of being quieter than their peers, and does that cause them anxiety?

Maybe if you think about these queries (even if you prefer not to answer them in public) it may help you find possible causes or triggers.

If you can't produce any clues yourself, then maybe you need professional advice, starting with GP or HV.

Not putting pressure on them to speak is probably the best advice but I think I would be asking the school nurse to make a referral to the speech and language therapy service in case someone experienced with selective mutism could help them.