Ok, backstory here. Suspected ds1's friend of stealing for a while, caught him out. Nothing happened. Mum not really dealing with it. She can be very defensive, so I am super scared to speak to her about this as she is the type to start spreading nasty stuff about me and can be quite, mean and gossipy about others. I also don't want her ds to make my ds's life a misery...but anyway, it has got to the point where I think I need to say something as I really feel it is a problem for her son, and I have a bad conscience about not saying anything. We are moving in the summer, so it's not too long to wait it out if she does react badly.
Since last summer, have had him round handful of times. It is awkward as he is ds1's best friend and lives around 2 mins walk away, but I just kept saying no because I don't want to be constantly monitoring what he does. One time his Mum begged me to have him as she was working. Last week he turned up on our doorstep saying my Dad (ds1's Grandad) had said he could come round. Both of these times I have caught him out stealing again. One time he was very keen to take his schoolbag upstairs and for no good reason. When he brought it down again, I looked in the front pocket and there was a bit of a lego. I didn't confront him on it as he lies and I knew he would just say it was his. I asked ds afterwards and he said it was ds2's (didn't say I had found it in his friend's bag). I think if I tell his Mum I went in his bag, it's the kind of thing she will go beserk about, instead of looking at the reason why. (Tbh, I only looked in the front pocket as there was too much else in the rest of the bag and didn't want to get everything out). He was also very odd about the bag when he was leaving, wanting it close to him etc. when usually he would leave it behind and I'd be taking back the next day. Last time he was here I was sorely tempted to frisk him, but again, felt bad about it. Anyway, a piece fell out of his pocket which he said had 'fallen in there' when they were playfighting!.
It's never anything big, just bits of lego, which are definitely ours. Nice bits - a helmet, armour, light saber etc. It's not really the items but the idea that he steals from his friend which I find it hard to stomach. (And then lying about it on top). There was also some stealing in the class, prizes from the teacher's drawer. I didn't say anything to the teacher, but I felt bad about that too as I wasn't sure if I should say anything or not, so I didn't.
So my options are:
- Carry on saying 'no' to him coming over and ignore it till we move
- Speak to his Mum. What do I say???
- Speak to him. (Feel I have tried that).
What should I do?