3.5 year old behaviour since new sibling

[Sycamore76]

Really hoping for some advice ! I have a 3.5 year old and a nearly two week old baby. Since coming home my ds 1 behaviour has been awful, he is constantly having tantrums and is really demanding. He has been toilet trained for months but is now pooing and wetting himself all day long. Help! Very sleep deprived , which is making life very hard too . I was in hospital for a week following the birth so this may have unsettled him. When the baby is sleeping I am doing my best to give him lots of attention and cuddles . Can anyone offer any advice if they have been in the same situation.

Sounds very difficult for you, newborn and young child playing up must be very tiring. Your DS is probably feeling left out and worried. Is he able to express his feelings? My DD (3yo at the time thought I had died when I went into hospital to have DS, so sometimes they do get the weirdest ideas in their heads and worry.

Can you be as positive as possible and ignore bad behaviour? Perhaps try a rewards scheme (pasta jar?) with extra rewards if DS helps with the baby? I also find spending 20 minutes a day with DD doing what she wants helps her a lot. Finally when DD is grumpy I 'load her up' with hugs and kisses because she has run out.

Hopefully some these ideas will work for your DS!

Sorry...congratulations on the baby!

Don't have any fool proof advice but just dropping a word and say this is normal. You haven't done anything wrong. My DH took a month off when DD2 was born. He took care of DD1 and lavished her with a lot of attention. Would you be able to do that? Is he closed to any of the grandparents if his dad can't be around?

We also have the same age gap. DD1 was 3.5yo.

Be as lenient on him as possible as it is SUCH early days, a massive shock and adjustment, My ds1 was a bit of a nightmare, it took around 6 months for him to go back to normal - but I did have twins so don't be too discouraged by that!

Try and spend as much time with him as possible and get dh to do some of the baby stuff, in fact anyone you can who can take care of the baby (parents etc.), so you can spend 1:1 time with him. Babies aren't as bothered as a 3.5 yr old who is looking after them as long - as they are fed and have their nappy changed, anyone can do it. Make bedtime special and spend good time with him at this time.

Try and plan a few special treats out of the house - either with just you or just dh, doesn't need to be massive, like breakfast at a cafe, just an hour or 2 out where you/ dh really focus on him. I actually got a part time au pair for a bit to have the babies (I had twins) so that I could spend time with my ds1. It will get better, but it is a really hard time for the older child, bless him.

Thanks so much for the advice , really helpful x