8 year old DS behaving strangely - am concerned

[ElizaPickford]

Bit worried about DS1 - on Monday night he started to put on a bit of an "I'm really poorly" display, which he continued the next morning. DH is currently flat out with proper flu, so I thought perhaps he was coming down with that and decided to keep him off. However, by about 10am it was apparently he was actually fine, so I ended up taking him into school at lunchtime. He really perked up and was actually rushing me out of the door so that he didn't miss any of his lunchbreak.

This morning he woke up and was fine, having a chat with his brother, seemingly right as rain, and then the next thing we knew he was properly sobbing, claiming to be feeling unwell again. I might have just kept him off, based on how he was, if Monday hadn't happened. I gave him a hug, calmed him right down and made him get dressed and have a bit of breakfast to see if that made him feel better. Then he rallied at 8.20am, said he felt better and was happy to go to school.

So that's quite odd in itself, I'm not sure if he is genuinely, but fleetingly under the weather, (although it did seem like he was only crying if there was someone there to see) or if there is something more afoot here? He has been mentioning that a girl is consistently chasing him at school (she tore the hood off his coat) and he seems a bit fed up with that and I'm keeping an eye on the situation, and I wondered if that has something to do with him not really wanting to go to school. I also just had chance to have lunch at school with him and spend some time in the playground with him afterwards, and his behaviour seemed a bit shifty and generally odd. He seemed to be flitting between groups like a bit of a lost soul, and at one point was standing on the edge of two boys, one of whom seemed to be hitting and kicking the other, there seemed to be almost no adult supervision at all. I tried to ask him if he was ok, but he initally pulled a silly face at me, then seemed very withdrawn, distant and like he didn't want to talk to me about anything.

None of these things look or sound very much on their own, but I just get the sense that something isn't right, and I'm not sure how to get him to open up to me. Or maybe I'm just reading stuff into the situation that isn't there? I'm thinking I'll have a chat with his teacher, although I guess she'll have no idea about the playground dynamics.

Or is 8.5 just a weird age? Any advice on how to get him to open up? He will usually tell me if things are bothering him so this is a bit strange, although I am stressed and worn out and run ragged at the moment and might be reading all sorts into it .

I suppose it could be a growth spurt? End of term fatigue? (Although not exactly been a long term, has it?!)

Sorry! - you have been ignored a long time.

And I don't have time now, but will try and come back in a day or two.

Something is going on isn't it...it's a question of what.

I would probably, if you haven't already, sit him down and ask him to tell me if anything at all was wrong...lead him a bit, asking about playtime and if he plays with anyone.

Imagining mine at school at that age, they would be running off to be with their friends, not standing about shyly. Poor thing sounds a bit lonely.

Also he may be getting a hard time from some of them, or be concerned about something else and not know who to tell.

Sorry you are so worried about him, I think your instinct is right, but you know best how to approach him about it.

I hope you can figure out what's making him sad.

Could be an age thing or related to the behaviour of other children. When I was about 9, I had a friend (different school but lived nearby) who was off with stomach ache on and off over a series of months (back when OFSTED targets didn't mean parents getting hauled over the coals every five minutes). Her parents took her to the doctor, to the hospital and were considering a psychiatrist.
It transpired at an open evening that there was a girl in her class who was picking on her. The stomach ache was feigned so that she didn't have to be around the other girl.

Maybe speak to the teacher and see if there is anything that comes up from playground dynamics or within any specific lessons.

Hopefully you'll get to the bottom of it soon.

Mhm, sounds odd. Could you try talking to him again? What works for us sometimes is when I tell dd a story about when I was little and describe a fictitious scenario where I acted like dd, to SE if she has any tips or tease out comments from her. Would that work? Definitely keep an eye on him.

Definitely agree with talking to him, he is old enough to have a proper conversation.

Rather than doing to whole "let's sit down and talk about difficult stuff with lots of eye contact and serious intent", how about finding an activity you can do side by side (cooking, washing up, crafts etc.) and gently raise the subject of school and friendships. He'll know you are there and interested, but he won't feel as spotlit and might start to chat if he feels the pressure is off.

Does sound odd. The school should have some clue as to playground situations so it would be worth chatting to the teachers. When my son was little he always talked to me more openly when we were in the car, in the dark for some bizarre reason. Would it be worth taking him out for a bit of mum/son time to see if he'll talk then?

The playground thing, I honestly read that as him being embarrassed and socially stunted by having his mum in the playground with him at lunchtime. Poor kid sounded v awkward about it.

Something is going on. Speak to teacher and headteacher if necessary and mention the girl who is chasing him. It happened to my dd with a boy trying to be too nice to her; it put her off going to school until I wrote to the head teacher and she sorted it out straight away as teacher had not done anything.

Hi OP - you have had plenty of good advice now, and I wouldn't have anything to add. Yes, it could be to do with the 'girl in the playground'; eight seems very young for anything 'hormonal' to be starting, but kids these days do talk about 'girlfriends/boyfriends' quite a lot (though they might not own up to it). Just plenty of TLC and a discrete chat sometime, and hopefully it will resolve itself.

I would also make sure you make time for him, your comment about you being stressed and run off your feet rang a little alarm bell, between that and DH being poorly he may have been attention seeking whether or not there is something going on at school.