5 year old stealing, help please

[Cantoutme]

I'm a regular user writing this post on behalf of my dsis and dn (hence the name change

Dn is 5, bright as a button and generally lovely young girl. She has had a habit in the past of taking things belonged to other kids if she really wanted them etc but always small isolated incidents. Lately however this behaviour has really escalated and dsis is tearing her hair out.

Recent examples, on Friday in a shop she noticed dn put something behind her back. It turned out she was hiding a creme egg, which she hadn't even asked dsis for. Dsis explained that this was stealing and was wrong / serious and made her put it back. They were visiting us for the weekend and when dsis went to pack up stuff dn told her multiple times there was no need to check her bag as it was all sorted. When dsis checked her bag she had taken two things belonging to my dd, one of which was a special something related to her birthday activity that weekend.

Dsis had a big chat with her on the way home about how people get in lots of trouble for that kind of behaviour and adults go to jail etc and why would she behave like that. She felt like she had gotten through to db.

Then dn came home from school today and refused to hand over book bag and threw a massive tantrum when dsis took it and opened it. Today, she has taken 11 little animals from school. She clearly knows this is wrong but is continuing...

What to do? Dsis has rang a neighbour whose DH is in the police and asked him to come have a chat with her. Has anyone any advice on how best to tackle the issue?

Thanks

Bump

Is dn being punished each time she steals?

Well the time in the shop she was just told off. Today dsis has taken away her new favourite toy.

Bump

Try talking to her about how she would feel if someone took her things? Ask why she takes things (of course it's not an excuse but if there's an underlying reason it might help to acknowledge it). And emphasise that lying will always result in more trouble than telling the truth, even if she has done something wrong.

I suspect your dn is unhappy about something and taking things to make herself feel better (sort of like comfort eating but with possessions instead of food). I suggest your dsis try and sideline the stealing (return the objects but don't make too big a deal of it) and try and find out what 'need' your dn is meeting by stealing. This will probably have to be by detective work as your dn is unlikely to be able to link her actions to her feelings.

I would also add that if you want your children to tell the truth you really can't punish them if they do - as you dn is already trying to lie telling her she will get into more trouble if she does so is likely to make her worse, not better. Rather, she may need a 'no blame' way of owning up when she's taken something and wants to return it - a drawer or something where she can put things, with no questions asked.