Ideas to help 6yo DS

[Babieseverywhere]

How do I help 6yo DS stop doing the following....

1. Stop talking about himself in the third party. i e. John is hungry. John would like a drink.

1. Ask before tightly hugging people. Children and adults. Told him to ask first but he never remembers.

1. Pay attention when he is spoken too. His swimming teacher is getting very short with him as he does not pay attention to what she says.

Thanks in advance.

How is he in school Babies?

hi Babies have you ever had him assessed? Have you sought any advice about these behaviours? At 6 his boundaries should be well in place...and hugging without the usual verbal or visual invitations isn't something most children of this age would do....nor the third part thing. Is he making friends ok at school?

He has been assessed...his issues are just normal parenting issues the community paediatrician told me recently.

School says he has loads of friends but I don't see that outside school.

He has school refusal issues which I am addressing.

Even when children say no hugs, he still runs at them and hugs them. I have explained many times that he has to ask and wait for a positive response but he doesn't.

Any ideas are welcome.

Babies, I'm sorry i don't have advice, you might get more luck posting in chat, it gets more traffic.
I'm slowly getting very annoyed at your paediatrician for telling you these are normal behaviors.

Thanks pirate

We have been discharged from Comm paed, as everything is parenting issues aka my fault.

I need to find what I am doing wrong and help DS fit in better.

DS had his first of four social skills classes last week (already on waiting list when discharged).

Two other boys and him with a SALT. He half liked it but SALT told him off four times in 30 minutes. As he didn't listen, take turns or follow instructions but that is why he was sent to these classes in the first place. Second one this week, I hope he learns something.

Have you tried using social stories as a way of explaining social rules etc.

Lots of info if you google.

Yes, I do social stories and visual timetables and timers.

DS knows what I expect him to do but won't/can't do it.

Currently reading "Unwritten rules of friendship" which might help.

1. You don't. Model the correct use of pronouns for him and leave him to it. It will probably click fairly soon but it's not a 'problem' as such.

1. Sounds like he's sensory seeking with a poor awareness of people's personal space. Make sure he has lots of tight squeezes from/with you and other designated people - for everyone else he needs to envisage them in a bubble of about arms length when he greets them. Practice, practice, practice. Maybe teaching him to raise a hand in greeting would work as you can't do this and hug. A general no-hugging rule (with 3 or 4 exceptions) might work better than asking people individually.

1. Has his hearing been checked recently? Paying attention is a hard one, esp in noisy/busy environments. Do you think he's not hearing, or getting overwhelmed/over-excited, or does he generally have a very short attention span?

You say he's been assessed and discharged. Has he been specifically assessed for ASD or ADHD? Do you agree with the paediatricians findings? Has an educational psychologist ever drawn up a profile for your son?

Sounds like you are helping, not hindering.
If the comm paed had discharged you, what did they suggest you do, if it's parent based? They should be offering you more help.

SALT will help with the 3 rd person habit. My ds had that. And the lack of attention.
Does sound like his communication skills need work. SALT should make a difference, but it won't happen overnight.

My ds still has some SALT at school. He's 8.

Good luck!

1. Comm Paed arranged ADOS and multi displinary panel for ASD conclusion was negative.

1. School see nothing but give him negative behaviour points. I know he does odd things like take his jumper off and use it for a pillow to lie down and sleep in the middle of assembly (older sister told us that one).

Very resistant on way to school including death threats. I am handling him better but very anxious. Currently drive into school...much better for us all.

1. Hearing results. Sensitive hearing and hyperacusis. No treatment. Happy to re see us if we want. They also were concerned about social communication difficulties.

1. SALT two assessors both said he had social communication difficulties and referred him to social skills classes x 4...undergoing.

1. OT...Assessment in their clinic highlighted daily OT needs. Three weeks later same OT visited school and withdrew original report and says no OT needs.

1. Ed Psych said he clearly struggled with interacting with the children in the playground but that was fine as he achieves academically.

1. Teacher said he was in line with expectations all year. We found he was miles behind in Phonics and spelling. They supported him through a couple of school tests and now he is is still in love with expectations but in the top sets fur most/all subjects.

1. Local ASD charity leader said he clearly had ASD traits and it us common for children to mask at school and kick off at hone or vice versa. School and Comm Paed do not believe in masking and say IF DS had real difficulties then school would see it !

1. Discharged with recommendation to repeat same parenting course I did voluntary last year

10. We still have difficulties with DS anywhere loud, crowded or bright lights or anywhere that make him more anxious. i.e Doctors, Dentists, Supermarkets, Libraries (lights), swimming lessons and school (where he masks)

11. I have people ask me what is wrong with him, where ever I go as his behaviour can be so different at times. Yet I have to accept, he is only like because I made him this way and I don't know where to turn to next.

I will repeat parenting course but it did not help last time

I am fed up from having a wonderful child who everyone else thinks is weird. He won't sleep on his own room or even go upstairs to the toilet without someone with him.

What do I do ?

So sorry you are having such a hard time . In your position I would pester seek help from school for social communication difficulties and I would employ parenting/behavioural strategies recommended for parents of children with ASD as these will probably help regardless of any official diagnosis.

I would also forget the idea that 'you made him this way' cause I'm sure you are just dealing with the child you have as best you can.

I'd also post on the SN childrens board here as I think a lot of the mums there will be able to offer good advice. I too have a ds with asd traits (rather than asd) and lurk there when times are tough.

Don't accept that it's "parenting!" on your behalf. I see a lot on SN section here on MN that authorities say that when they can't be arsed or don't want to provide more help. Post on Special NEeds OP....even with no diagnoses they will listen to you there and they're FULL of great advice.x

Oh, and seriously - it will really help you to embrace 'weird' wherever it isn't causing acute problems w other people and isn't actually dangerous or illegal. My ds is always going to be a square peg dancing to the beat of his own drum. He can conform in many ways/situations but it builds up tension so he needs space to be himself also. After 7 years I have decided that people who can't cope with this can FUCK RIGHT OFF.

I know it's very expensive but could you pay for a private assesment for your son? Perhaps with his difficulties you could apply for DLA which will over the costs.

The SN boards on MN are full of brilliant and very supportive posters...but I have been discharged....I was wrong...I was so sure it was aspergers/mild adhd/social anxiety area...I can't keep dragging him places, to be misbehaved.

No point applying for DLA as school would block it....shame as I would use it for chewy jewelery to save his socks (which he currently chews) and pay for private counselling to try and help him over his anxieties about death, dying and school

School are a good village school but a dead end regarding asking for help. We are temporary allowed to drive onto the school carpark and that makes morning drop off so much easier...especially on bad days.

They told me he is a normal 6yo who cries a lot in class (they hug him) , forgets everything (hand in, pick up anything)
They told me last yeat, that having to drag him into the school building by his armpits...Whilst he screamed "I want to die. Don't leave me here" is normal

The Senco also said even if we got a dx for DS, there would be no more help at school because he does not need it.

Last year the school sent a behaviourist to our house to "deal with your issues, as he is fine at school"

I have two daughters at the same school and they are happy and do well with friends.

DS is truly awesome child. He sees the good in everyone, he thinks everyone is his best friend (even if they are nasty to him)

He sees the world from a different view and I love talking to him. Though the obsessional hobbies are less endearing....listening to two hours monologue about Minecraft or Terra is NOT fun, lol.

I guess I am worried about how innocent and naive he is and worry that he will struggle even more when he moves into juniors, new playground and everything.

I applied for DLA for my son and as far as I am aware the school had nothing to do with it. You really have nothing to lose by trying, I know it is draining but it sounds like it would really help your son.

I got the form last year but was waiting for an offical dx......which never came. :(

We are borrowing a weighted blanket from a local toy library. (Something else we can't afford to buy) To try and encourage him to sit still whilst we do homework and keep him more asleep at night...he keeps waking me and his 4yo sister up...because he is frightened to be the only person awake upstairs. ..I need sleep :(

You don't need an officially diagnosis so fill it in and send off any supportive reports.

My son is the same age and has some of your sons difficulties. We saw his pead and neurologist in the last couple of weeks. Both have said that hope is not going to come from the medical establishment but from school. My sons school is ok, probably not the best for him but is not harming him. From what you've said about your sons school it is not very supportive and may be worth looking elsewhere - I know this is very hard as you have other children there doing well.

Help not hope!

TBH it is a good school...if they see nothing, no other school will either iyswim.

Which is why I am determined to find ways to help him myself.

I love the bubble idea to give him an idea of distance from people...that is worth a try.

Babies here is a tutorial to make a weighted blanket cheaply.