DD behaviour with classmates esp at b'day parties

[benandhollyonrepeat]

DD is 5 and in reception, we have just come back from another disastrious kids party. All the other children are running around and having fun together and my DD is refusing to join in looking all sulky and moaning away at me in this whingy voice about anything she can think of - I try and be really patient and say thats it fine and she can sit on my lap until she's ready to join in etc etc. This doesn't work so i try and help her integrate and find the other kids and ask if she can run etc with them, some say yes and some just ignore her. She'll then run around for 30 secs and be straight back to me. At school all the other girls are getting to be good friends with each other and none are really even noticing her or even worse they are finding her annoying. She can be tricky if she's feeling not happy in a situation. So I presume she's doing annoying things to the other girls and they are just leaving her out. It's so upsetting to see as she's a lovely little girl and really good fun to play with. She has a best friend who she is very happy with and they do everything together but I really want to stop this negative cycle that she seems to be creating with the other kids. I have tried inviting them back individually for plays and thats fine when they are here but then the next day back to not playing with her at school. Do you think she will just grow out of this and find social interaction easier? I worry by the time she has all the other kids will have formed an opinon of her and it will be very hard to change their minds. I also worry about asking kids back for play dates in case they are going home saying DD is annoying or not a friend and they think its odd that I am then inviting so and so round to play?
I come home from these things feeling so upset by it all. I'm upset for her and also upset that she is behaving like this and I feel angry that she can't see what she is doing and just play nicely like the other kids.

Hi Ben, it's award to watch isn't it? I've been there. I know how you feel.

My DS (8 now), was socially very immature compared to all his friends. Although he wasn't upset about me leaving him, he generally didn't really know how to behave around his peers at that age.

Would you say that your ds is, emotionally young for her years? She's still very young of course. She's has many years to perfect her social behaviour!
We are still encouraging ds's good social skills. Everyone grows up at different stages, but it's hard to see them struggle.

Best thing is not to shy away from these events. I am sure her school do social skills in class, but if you mention that she'd really benefit from them, they might do a few more games.

Try not to worry. HTH.

Thanks atonofwahing - reassuring to know others have felt like this. Yes I think she is young for her years and also very sensitive to the slightest knock back but doesn't necessarily show her sensitive side.

Op try not to fret too much.

My August-born dd was just like this. I sat through many parties as she clung to my leg whilst the other children joined in and their parents skipped happily off for 2 child free hours.

Be patient with her. She clearly can make friends as she has a best friend and plays well when you have someone back to your house. I would persevere with this if it's going well and she enjoys it.

It may be that she finds large disorganised groups hard to cope with. Most of the parties I sat through were chaotic and usually someone ended up crying or falling out!

How do you know she's being left out at school? If you have real concerns about this have a chat with her teacher who I'm sure will intervene to steer things in the right direction.

She's so little. Give her a chance to mature and it will gradually change.

My 5 year old is 20 this year. She's at uni and sharing a house with her mates, having a great time. I wouldn't have predicted that when I was in your shoes.

I think you might be over thinking this all a bit and perhaps imagining your dd in scenarios at school that aren't actually happening..give it time, she will develop in her own way..
And I wouldn't worry too much about strong friendships forming and leaving her out..their friendships are so fluid at this age and they will probably get mixed up in class in year one anyway..