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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 year old break down when collected from childminder

17 replies

NessaWH123 · 14/03/2015 11:41

Hi hope you can help. My son goes to a chilminder 3 days a week and is happy when I drop him off and seems happy during the day and when I GI in to collect him BUT as soon as I take him out of the door of the childminders he starts screaming and creating all the way to the car, in the car journey home, into the house and then has major tantrums hits me and refuses his tea. Swinging around his highchair and trying to throw things. This goes on every night till just before his dad comes in at around 6 pm . I have tried taking familiar toys as a transition, offering a snack on the way home, I make sure his tea is ready as I'm sure he is hungry when he gets in even though he is so upset he won't eat. I tried calmly talking to him to say I know he is upset ir angry and tried cuddling but he just slaps. I have tried to play and then I tried giving him his own space! I've tried going somewhere else first before we go home to change the routine. But still no luck. He isn't often like this in an evening the days we haven't been t childcare so its clearly a problem with transition or anger at me or hunger or something. He can't communicate that well yet as he is 2 so he can'tttell me he has been going for a year now but its got worse since Christmas any advise. Thanks

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MrsFlannel · 14/03/2015 13:43

I would personally be concerned that he is unhappy at the childminders. I don't want to make you worry but he seems to be trying to tell you something. is there any other setting you could put him in? A nursery perhaps....

CultureSucksDownWords · 14/03/2015 17:05

It could be tiredness. My DS sleeps less at nursery than at home, and can be awful at home after nursery if he has had no nap or only a short nap. What does the childminder say about it? How is he sleeping there? Often they can hold it together well whilst at the CM/nursery and then let it all out with you.

Fruityflapjack · 14/03/2015 17:09

My 2yo is often like this after nursery if she hasn't slept much. How much sleep is he getting on CM days?

The environment is often very busy and they are so stimulated that I something's think it's an awful lot for them, especially if they are the sensitive sort. Could this also be the case?

She can sometimes be a bit like this if she is going through a developmental phase too. Is your DS going through massive developmental leaps yet?

If it hunger could the CM feed him
Before pick up?

Applecross · 14/03/2015 17:11

I think you should talk to the cm - I expect he is not napping enough. My ds did similar at the same age, they said it was because she was getting upset about other parents getting there before me and was v tired by the time I arrived. She ways napped better at home as less going on - eventually they grow out of it. I did move her nursery and picked her up earlier but still had tiredness related tantrums on pick up although much less now she's 4.

MsDran · 14/03/2015 17:21

My 4yo DS has always had days like this. Would sometimes do it when I collected him from CM, can sometimes do it now if I collect him from nursery, will always do it when we leave friends/ family (wether I've stayed or not), He finished CM / Nursery at noon, so I do think hunger played a part. He never does it if other members of the family pick him up, it's just for me. With my DS it's to do with the transition but he is getting better.

BackforGood · 14/03/2015 17:23

MrsFlannel - might I suggest that if he were unhappy at the CMs, he'd be more likely to kick off about going in not leaving?

My dc were always cross at the end of the day. They are tired, I was tired, I was trying to get things done (eg, make the tea whilst emptying their bags, going round drawing all the curtains, getting the washing out, unloading the dishwashers, etc.,etc.) Some crossness is to be expected.

You could ask the CM to get him a bit more 'ready' - warning that it's coming up to this time, change in routine perhaps where the toys all go away 20mins before and they are doing something like sharing a book that is due to finish, type thing (obv., depending on other midnees)

LIG1979 · 14/03/2015 20:57

I would say tiredness. my dd is great at holding it together when she is tired or ill for nursery and family members but then looses it when she sees me. (It is quite horrible for me as she also can hold it together for dh.) The fact that he is happy at pick up but it is after that he goes down hill after implies it isn't the childminder.

Original poster

NessaWH123 · 14/03/2015 22:21

Thanks for all your advise he sleeps in a travel cot in a quiet part of the house at the childminders and gets a bout two hours the sane as at home so not sure that is it really x

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VoyageOfDad · 14/03/2015 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crazyqueenofthecatladies · 14/03/2015 22:53

To those saying there's something up at the childminders. I'd disagree, the child sounds utterly bereft and furious at having to leave the childminders!

Original poster

NessaWH123 · 15/03/2015 09:33

He hasn't really had many other opportunities to stay at other peoples houses without us as all his grandparents live along way away x I'm sure he has plenty of sleep there but isn't like this when he has been at home in the day really unsure what else I can do as he us solo upset cross and tantrums v bad. He really loses it x

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Strictlyison · 15/03/2015 10:19

I'm a child minder and this is a well known phenomena, a bit mysterious if you want my opinion. I have just taking a course on behaviour management and this was discussed.

You should talk to your child minder and ask if you could send in a short routine that she can discuss with the children before pick up. It's basically like a cartoon of 1) give mum a cuddle; 2) show me what you did during the day (a craft/drawing activity) 3) put shoes/coat on 4) say goodbye to everyone.

This encourages children to remain focused, know what is expected of them.

I think part of the problem is a 'void' in care in a way - the child leaves one set of rules and goes to his home set of rules, they are different. Also, many children will be a bit introvert in a childcare setting, and hold back some of their feelings so when mum picks them up their frustrations come out all at once.

And also childcare settings can be overstimulating, so personally we watch TV or read books between 5:45 and 6:00 when parents pick up the children. So in my house, at 5:30 we tidy up the toys, and when we are done we sit down to watch a couple of episodes of Peppa Pig, or read a book of their choice.

Cindy34 · 15/03/2015 10:27

I nanny a child who does this when I leave their home. So different setup but similar thing happening. Happy throughout the day but when parent gets home she realises that it means I will be leaving and then she kicks off.

It does not happen every day but can be twice a week. So tiredness could be part of it. It is the being separated from someone they know well, whilst they may realise they see them again soon, they do not want to leave.

Alas not found anything to help with it.

Frusso · 15/03/2015 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

NessaWH123 · 15/03/2015 19:50

I will take the advise on board thanks. I think the transition is the difficult thing for my son. I do try and take about what we can do when we get home but he is only just two and conversation is limited still the chuldminder does try to tidy up and prepare him for home. We get shoes say our goodbyes but that still isn't enough. He has been home the last 4 days and such a more settled little boy x

OP posts:

DeeWe · 16/03/2015 09:30

I think this is fairly typical. Dm used to say that dsis used to burst into tears when she came back. She described it more as a "now I remember that I've missed you mummy" cry than anything else.

Little girl I nannied used to greet me (age 15 months) and fetch mummy's coat and sit there and say "Bye" until she went. Didn't mean that she wanted mummy to go, just meant that she knew it was time for mummy to go.
She also, when mummy came back (less transition because it was at her house) used to always do something she knew she wasn't meant to. She never did them with just me, nor with just mummy, but when we were both there, she would sometimes do them constantly. I think it was just her way of coping with the transition.

canweseethebunnies · 16/03/2015 10:46

I think even if they enjoy it they can still find it stressful. If he's been behaving well all day he may just need to let it all out when he gets home. My daughter can still be like this after a day at school and she's nearly six. I know it's hard work but at least it means he feels safe with you. Not sure what to suggest to help though I'm afraid!

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