Postnatal anxiety/depression. Feeling alone :(

[Countryside14]

Hi,

I'm looking for some support really. I've posted this elsewhere but just thought it might get seen here too.

My DD is now 10.5 months old and I really couldn't love her more. I love with my partner of 7 years, we've just sold out home and are looking for a bigger family home. I'm not yet back at work and don't think I'll be returning.

Up until about 2/3 apart from lack or sleep and a very demanding baby I was feeling fine.

6 years ago something happened in my family that left me feeling very sad and very anxious for a long time after. Since then I've always struggles with it but sees to pull through and ignore it.

Now it's back and I can't shift it. My problem I'm constantly worrying about my DDs development. Now I no most mums question it time to time but I mean I'm constantly worrying. I'm a terrible reader so I google everything then worry even more. My own worst enemy! Everything I read seems to point to austisum which has now left me feeling awful. I finally admitted to the health visitor how I feel so she's coming round to chat further.

Whilst I know the way I'm thinking isn't right by worries about my baby are very real. I feel so guilty because I've got a lovely life and no reason to feel like this.

Can anyone relate to this?

What makes you think your dd has autism countryside?
I have a lot of health anxiety and convinced myself ds had autism at about 13 months as he wasn't yet responding to his name and I made other symptoms fit even though they didn't really looking back if that makes sense?
I have had an uncountable am out of meltdowns over various conditions that the dc's have 'had' over the years and in reality I have two perfectly healthy children.
It can consume you if you let it (it has to me at times) but there is help out there if you feel you need it?

I have been worrying about autism with respect to my dd since she was 5 months old (now 14 months). I think it is mostly illogical and I feel much better now after having some counselling via my local childrens centre. I think it has helped me to control my anxiety a bit better but occasionally it still comes back to bite me! Ultimately I don't know if my dd has any problems but at the moment she is too young to diagnose and anxiety was stopping me from enjoying her. My advice would be to seek some professional talking therapy as it has really helped me. I also think that most things you google can be a red flag for autism and I was very guilty of taking these out of context as I was so worried x