Postnatal anxiety/depression. Feeling alone :(

[Countryside14]

Hi,

I'm looking for some support really. I've posted this elsewhere but just thought it might get seen here too.

My DD is now 10.5 months old and I really couldn't love her more. I love with my partner of 7 years, we've just sold out home and are looking for a bigger family home. I'm not yet back at work and don't think I'll be returning.

Up until about 2/3 apart from lack or sleep and a very demanding baby I was feeling fine.

6 years ago something happened in my family that left me feeling very sad and very anxious for a long time after. Since then I've always struggles with it but sees to pull through and ignore it.

Now it's back and I can't shift it. My problem I'm constantly worrying about my DDs development. Now I no most mums question it time to time but I mean I'm constantly worrying. I'm a terrible reader so I google everything then worry even more. My own worst enemy! Everything I read seems to point to austisum which has now left me feeling awful. I finally admitted to the health visitor how I feel so she's coming round to chat further.

Whilst I know the way I'm thinking isn't right by worries about my baby are very real. I feel so guilty because I've got a lovely life and no reason to feel like this.

Can anyone relate to this?

Yes I can relate- I had PND/ anxiety after DS was born.
Have you investigated any help? Is there a local support group you could join- that was my saviour.
CBT or mindfulness techniques really helped me stop catastrophising ( if that's a word). Maybe speak to your GP as it sounds as if past events have come back to haunt you a bit- the same happened to me. There was something about the complete change of life having a baby that made me think far too much in a bad way about everything.
Good luck- get help soon as you deserve to be happy!

Country I can relate although I've not experienced pni. I was depressed after a mc and the feeling of guilt was quite overwhelming. This is not your fault and nobody would choose to feel the way you do.

You have done a very brave thing. You've told your hv and that is the first step to recovery.

You might want to give apni a call tomorrow. They might be able to offer some tips on what to ask your hv for and how to deal with your DP.

Just one last thought, how was the birth?

Definitely not alone. In my area you can self refer to the nhs mental health team. I got a few months of cbt that way, to get me over the hump of leaving ds to go back to work. Can you ask your gp if there's anything like that. Groups can be good for realising it's not just you. Because it isn't. Good luck op.