I need success stories please - 6 year old boy

[lifesrichpageantry]

My bright, gorgeous, much-loved son has been challenging us for a few years now with explosive tantrums, a need for control, sensitivity (which makes mealtimes difficult - gets anxious and upset at mealtimes if food is not prepared in a very reliable and bland way....), disrupted sleep, and a generally rigid disposition. He can be hurtful to his brother and his tantrums are epic (and often involve hititng, kicking, headbutting, etc. - or destruction of nearby books, toys, etc). We have found that we are gradually becoming more isolated as we have to work around his sensitivities. His younger sibling is very easygoing and the parenting challenges are minimal.

We are conscious and consistent parents, and have even taken a few parenting classes. I read "The Explosive child" And found it very reassuring.

I have spoken to a GP and pediatrician (neither saw any cause for concern). His teacher says he is a 'model student' with an exceptionally long attention span and high intelligence. she was shocked that we had any behavioural problems at home. Socially he has a few mates but is not overly popular.

I have now concluded that my worry about the future is the main problem. It clouds all of my interactions with and reactions to him. I watch him like a hawk and am harder on him than my other child because I am so worried that something will set him off.....and that he will always be this way, and that I will have an abusive teenager to deal with. This means I am quicker to discipline him and less able to be lighthearted and enjoy him the way I can with my other child. I am aware that this becomes a self-perpetuating cycle. We are all on edge around him, which can't be a nice feeling for him - and he reacts to this by behaving in the way in which we all expect him to - i.e. badly.

If anyone can share success stories about their aggressive-child-who-went-on-to turn-out-okay, please do. It would help me a lot to hear about similar stories where it all turned out ok.

In the meantime I will keep working on accepting him the way he is....

my son was a bit, er, over active but i sent him to do martial arts and it gave him a bit of self control and taught him to channel his anger into specific moves. really worked for him and he still does it now, good to have something that is just for him as well away from the home.

it's very hard as kids are nowadays all meant to be the same, i would just try to enjoy him as he is. i worried so much about my son it made me worry when there wasn't really a need to

You absolutely could be describing my ds a year ago! He is a bit younger than your ds but his school report is identical, teachers genuinely shocked that he was even a bit difficult. at home he can be lovely but can also explode at the drop of a hat and be truly impossible to deal with.
Martial arts has helped him massively with self control. They actually teach the children to take themselves away from conflict as a fundamental part of self defence. There is also a huge emphasis on respect and self control.
I have also made a (huge) conscious effort to point out his good points to him as often as possible. I cried the night he wrote me a note saying 'mummy is good. is rubbish.' I decided to basically treat him as much as possible as if he can't control his temper, so to not punish him for being angry but to try and teach him to deal with it. I still discipline him, aggressive behaviour is dealt with by sending to his room to calm down, every time. Not naughty step for x minutes. I tell him to go to up and come down when he's ready to apologise and mean it. we were in a horrible vicious cycle of expecting the worst of him and him expecting the worst too. I think he is a perfectionist, but He couldn't cope with not being perfect and would fly into a huge tantrum. His brother is very easygoing and I almost think it made him feel worse about himself.
Obviously he is not perfect now, he will always have a short fuse, but he is happy now and I like him again now as well as loving him iyswim.
Sorry for the essay.

Thank you for this message, 3boys. sometimes it's a huge relief to know that there are other families out there that are struggling with the same issues as we are.

you are the second person to suggest martial arts. He's definitely pretty good at kicking and throwing punches, so it sounds like a good fit. Thank you for responding.

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