Nine month old whining, refusing to eat & very clingy........is this common?

[Melly]

Hi everyone. Hoping someone can come to my rescue with some suggestions as to why my dd is behaving as she is at the moment. For past two or three weeks she has been extremely hard work to say the least. She is in GF routine and has previously been such a contented baby which is why I guess I am finding it so hard at the moment. She continues to sleep well both during the day and at night, so that is a blessing. When she is with me she is happy as larry when I get her up at 7 am, but by about 7.30 am she starts to fuss, whine and cry. It doesn't seem to matter whether I give her breakfast at 7 or wait a bit, it makes no difference. When I do try to give her breakfast she eats no more than a few spoonfuls. Somehow I manage to keep her going until about 8.45 am ish when she settles well for her first nap. Same again when she wakes up, happy as anything for about 20 minutes or so and then it starts again. I try to keep here well stimulated and if I have housework to get on with I move her around the house with me and explain what I'm doing etc. By about 11.30 am she seems frantic for her lunch, sometimes this is a complete disaster with her rocking to and fro in the highchair and refusing to eat very much, other times she eats quite well. Again she settles well for her lunchtime nap and usually has a good 2 hours. Same scenario in the afternoon. The only way I can keep her happy is to carry her around, which is knackering as especially tiring for me at the moment as I am 8 weeks pregnant. I've tried trips out, walks, etc but obviously I can't spend all day out and about. She generally eats quite a good tea but it takes about 45 minutes to get her to eat it. I find that most days I am clock watching wishing it is bed-time so I can have a breather from the constant whining. On the days I work when she is with the childminder she is apparently good as gold which makes me think perhaps I am going horribly wrong somewhere? She has been particularly bad over the last week and various people has said she must be teething. We have thought this in the past but she has no teeth yet and I am reluctant to keep dismissing everything as down to teething, especially when none appear! I am hoping that this is a phase but I really am getting to my wits end. I am bracing myself now for this afternoon's session, which is a shame as I should be enjoying by baby, but I feel so useless and unable to cope. I don't really want to bother my HV with this as I am sure she will tell me it's a phase.
Would be really grateful to hear from anyone as I feel so low.

I'm no expert but I have a 2 and 3 year old so from my experience this is what I think...

Please do tell your health visitor about it if she is any good at her job she wont just tell you it's a phase and it looks like you could do with a bit of help.

At the beginning of your message I was beginning to wonder if maybe your daughter was coming down with something. My 2 are always in bad moods before any symptoms show but you say that she is as good as gold at the child minders.

Children from an early age will test you to see how much they can get away with and how far they can push you. They feel save with boundaries and need to know what they are.

When my son was 6 months old I found out that I was pregnant. My son went through a phase where he cried if I was not holding him. In the end I had to ignore him. I knew that he wasn't in pain, their were toys around him and he wasn't hungry. After a short period he stopped.
While he was getting my attention he carried on.

If she is stimulated, not hungry and knows you are nearby then if I was you I would ignore her whining.
Is she putting on weight?? If she is loosing then maybe the feeding is an issue. Have you thought about starting her on finger food???

I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Just stick in there as things will get better and you will wonder what you were ever worrying about!!

I agree with Sister, she could be coming down with something (my dd was similar just before chickenpox or a particularly nasty cold) - but some children really do suffer with teething. The skin on my little one's cheeks became incredibly rough and sore (not where she was dribbling) and she was pretty grumpy for some time. Her 1st teeth came through at 5 mths, but the later ones were much much worse. I also agree about the finger food, as control was a big issue with my dd who was never very happy with meal times until she could do it herself. And as long as dd doesn't have a temperature, and is weeing/pooing ok you probably don't have anything to worry about. If your hv is anything like mine was (useless) you might want to make an appointment with your doctor, perhaps ask about it when you book in for your pregnancy..the 5 docs in my practice are all women and v happy to counsel on the non-medical issues which obviously have an impact on you...many are mums themselves & know how much this matters.

Dear Melly, please don't feel useless. At 8 months my dd became very clingy and went off all her normal favourite foods. She also continued to sleep very well. She improved after a couple of weeks. It is possible that she could be coming down with something, on the other hand it could just be a 'phase' - I used to find that dd would behave like this just before a 'spurt', growth or developmentally. Please, please try not to worry, make sure you get some time for yourself and don't feel guilty for clock watching - we all do it!! Its reassuring that she's OK with the childminder, it would suggest that she's not ill and more that she's just playing you up!! Try not to fuss over her food too much and give her easy things so as not to complicate matters.

When all else fails, run a nice deep bath with lots of bubbles and both get in it! That has been a real sanity saver in this house on more than one occasion (preferably with a large box of chocs for mum to dip into )

Let us know how it goes and good luck with the pregnancy.

Melly - AWFUL, I remember it well, mine was a Gina Baby - he is now 16 months and we still have the odd day like it. It does pass, and yes they are always better with The Childminder, mine was too, but I have learnt that mine does not do it when there are other children about, just with ME!

It will pass - promise, and as for the some days will eat weel other days not so well, we have those days everyday ok!, and mine is still putting weight on, as someone told me here on Mumsnet its what they eat over the week.

DITTO wishing it were, nap time, and especially bed time - all of us do.

Thanks everyone for your advice and nice comments, I feel so much better already. Sometimes just to write down how you are feeling and get things off your chest helps and it's great to think that there are others out there who know how I feel and can offer practical advice.
This afternoon actually wasn't too bad, probably helped by the fact that my dh phoned to say that he isn't going to sea this week after all and is flying back home tonight

Sister, your idea about finger food, do you mean as snacks or part of meal? DD gets on reasonably well with breadsticks and is sort of ok with toast (although most of it ends up glued to the highchair!). I'm just not sure what to offer as part of main meal, maybe mini sandwiches or something? I do get a bit stressed about food I must admit and probably this is part of the problem as dd has picked up on this. Clever little things babies aren't they !

Finger food...I have to say I am an expert on this as by 10 months my baby refused to let anyone feed her, she had to do it herself. Therefore everything became finger food. You start with the classic, breadstick/toast thing, but you know you have it down to a fine art when mashed potato becomes 'finger food'!. Seriously the things that seem to work well in my experience are pasta shapes, particularly the spirals (they are easier to grip), baby mixed veg (get a bag of frozen mixed veg, peas, carrots etc, and microwave a handfull for a minute. Refresh in cold water), cheese (dairylea slices or things). Now my daughter is 13 months an I can feed her occassionally if it is something she really loves, otherwise even casserole is 'finger food' in our house. She loves holding a spoon and flicking bits around too!!

My dd was like this at 8 - 9 months, just before she got crawling. Once she was mobile she was a treat, but I think it was frustration and thats why she wanted carried around all the time. We had the same for 3 - 4 weeks before she started walking then it all calmed down too.
Good luck.

Melly
I think frustration is their problem a lot of the time. To be honest I really didn't start enjoying my son fully until after he was about 1 year old. Once he started walking at 13 months he seemed to become a lot happier, I think because he was on his feet and could finally get around. He has developed a lovely personality and I find interacting with him a lot more enjoyable than when he was a baby. Hang in there, it does get easier.

Melly - how is she mobility-wise. My ds was a total nightmare for weeks, just before he started to walk. I had no idea at the time of course, but I found just as he was about to reach a major landmark but wasn't there yet, he was so frustrated ( and frustrating). I remember him crying and crying for no reason, even out & about in pushchair. I was also pg. I remember how difficult it is. Don't worry whatever the reason, it will only last a short time (although it doesn't feel so short!).
I also agree about the food. You could either have a bit of finger food on the side, or make a whole meal of it, so you could actually eat yours hot for a change. Slice of cpooked carrots, other veg, chunks of fish finger or whatever are all easy enough for a lttle one to pick up & chew/suck on.

Hope this helps

I second (third?) the mobility thing - ds was a little horror until he actually got mobile, and then was so much happier that he was like a different child.

As to the finger food, my advice would be to sit her in the highchair with a selection of nibbles (and a large plastic groundsheet!) and let her get on with it while you eat or potter around. She won't starve herself, and you'll be less focussed on her eating. It's amazing how well they manage - dd had finger food and fed herself from a remarkably early age, partly from stubborness, partly because she wanted to eat what ds was eating, but mostly because with two of them I didn't have time to sit there and coax food into her. She thrived on it.

Thanks again for everyone's replies. Very interesting about the mobility thing. DD is desperately trying to crawl but isn't quite there yet. She never liked going on her tummy as a tiny baby and this hasn't changed much. She didn't roll over from back to front etc and really showed no interest in doing this. In fact she rolled onto her tummy for the first time yesterday, more by accident than anything! She bum shuffles quite a bit but I think she, as some of you say, is frustrated and would love to be more mobile. I do encourage her with the crawling and she is gradually getting happier spending time on her tummy. Don't suppose anyone has any tips for getting her crawling??

Regards, the food, today has been a bit better but having thought about it, I think she may well be better with more finger food as she does appear to want to be independent! As she hasn't any teeth yet I do get a bit stuck as to what I can give her.

Thanks again everyone, we have had a much better day today (so far), the sun is shining here in Devon and I feel a bit happier

I've been trying to think what mine ate at that age. A lot of pasta in various sauces (ds loved Tescos fresh ravioli, dd hated it), banana, fingers of bread with Dairylea on it, biscuits (as soon as dd was mobile she pinched her brother's and sort of sucked it into soggy submission), carrot and potato chunks (just make sure the carrot is cooked soft enough), peaches, homemade quiche ...I'll ask dh this evening if he can remember anything else.

Azzie thanks very much for your suggestions, they are really welcome. I find some of the books suggest things which sound totally ridiculous to me and then I start fretting when dd won't eat them!

melly

my ds was "on the verge" of crawling for about 2m. he finally cracked it one day when i got down on the floor with him and started crawling around him myself as if to say, come on then! it seemed to have added interest for him if mummy was doing it! hopefully, you could still do this in the early stages of pregnancy? however, some babies never crawl at all, though, i never did according to my mother.

so glad to hear i'm not the only one who counts the hours till he goes to bed some days!!

good luck!