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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Almost 4 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornings

15 replies

Lauren82000 · 12/03/2015 09:34

My almost 4 year old DD is driving me up the wall. She outright refuses to get dressed by herself in the mornings. I know she can do it as she has on occasion appeared fully dressed by herself with no help. The last few weeks have been terrible and no amount of telling her or even taking her to preschool partially dressed seems to fix it. This has been going on since she turned 3 and her terrible 3's started (Completely missed terrible 2's). She just won't listen to us and it's not just a home thing she doesn't always listen at Preschool either. I just don't know what to do with her.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I don't think it can be about the baby coming as she is super excited and loves helping me with anything baby related. Plus it started before I got pregnant it's just steadily gotten worse. This week she has been put in the car with one sock on and no shoes. Last time we did that it sorted it for about 2 weeks then she just went back to being stubborn and refusing.

She starts school in September and I'm worried if she is still being like this by then.

Any advice?

OP posts:

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newtonupontheheath · 12/03/2015 09:38

This might not be the recommended course of action but I still dress my 4 year old ds. He can do it. He just chooses not to to delay leaving the house. If I do it, I stay calmer, it gets done quicker and we are all (a bit) happier.

LittleLionMansMummy · 12/03/2015 09:50

Yes, I think you'll find this is much more common than you think. Ds is much the same (including missing the terrible twos and starting at three!) although at weekends (when we have more time) we might be able to bribe him into it with the promise of some fruit or 'come on, the sooner you get dressed the sooner we can go swimming!' I'm with newton it's not worth the fight and I mostly still dress him. It's the same with him putting on shoes - he procrastinates so much that it's easier and quicker for me to do it.

LittleLionMansMummy · 12/03/2015 09:55

Oh and I think we'll find that September will see a lot of changes as they won't have any other option than to do it themselves. All school will want to know is that they can do it, even if they currently choose not to!

BlueBananas · 12/03/2015 10:04

DD is nearly 4 and is fiercely independent I have to bribe her to let me dress her (sometimes waiting for a toddler to do up buttons just takes too long) but DS is 5 & 1/2 and I still have to dress him sometimes because he just won't do it or gets distracted by a bird flying past and just wanders off
Being there and handing him each item to put on usually helps but slightly defeats the object of him getting himself sorted I know, but might be a place to start?
Also (I know these are hated on MN) but a sticker chart so every day he gets himself totally dressed he gets a sticker, if he does it for a whole week he gets some sweets/a magazine from the shop?

BlueBananas · 12/03/2015 10:05

Sorry I put he/him and your child is a girl mentally change to she/her as you're reading

3Caramel · 12/03/2015 10:12

I feel your pain - my 3.5 yo does this too! He's obsessed with his pjs and its such a battle persuading him to get dressed. I find that at this age they're too big to force them to get dressed ( especially if your 34 wks pregnant). So I just lay out my dcs clothes, give him 5 mins to get himself dressed whilst I get ready, then go back in - inevitably he's still not dressed, so I just say that we're leaving now and if he doesn't want to get dressed, then will just take him to nursery as he is (ie. In his pjs & take his clothes in his bag).

So far, that's done the trick, but I have no doubt that one day he will leave the house still in his pjs...

Sootgremlin · 12/03/2015 10:16

I would just help her along, my ds has only just learned to manage his clothes fully by himself and he turns four next month. Most days I help him, get him started then ask him to put one or two items on, if we have more time things are more relaxed then I prompt him.

She's still young, and I would say it could be very much about the baby and this is how it is coming out, which is a good thing if you think about it - her frustration isn't directed at you or the baby, but at having to grow up and do her own dressing

My ds is lovely with his little sister, but still has periods where it is hard for him to accept he is the big boy and needs a little babying. Just a little, then he's good to go again.

I know it is hard, I've had a terrible morning getting ready for preschool. He got dressed nicely but kicked off about something else and still made us late. I'm hoping 4 brings a calmer outlook!

anothernumberone · 12/03/2015 10:29

Racing her but letting her win worked for my dd. DS mmmmmm he is a mile off it at 3.5 but we encourage him to do what he can manage.

Jaffakake · 12/03/2015 17:53

I could've written this post! I'm 37 weeks, ds is 3.6 & is more than capable of doing it himself, but chooses not to. I've taken to ambushing him whilst he's sitting on the potty or threatening to take away whatever toy he's playing with - and that's for me to help him get dressed. I'd never get anywhere if I left him to it.

I just think it's not a priority for him and he hasn't any understanding if social norms of not going out in your pjs - sadly not helped by tomorrow's pyjama day at nursery in aid of Comic Relief!

newtonupontheheath · 12/03/2015 19:29

Just to add, my dd is 2.5 and actually does more dressing/undressing...

You never get two the same

Kiwiinkits · 13/03/2015 00:47

Mine can be a pain too. But I make a massive deal about it when she does do it by herself, shower her with overt praise and kisses and stuff. Since I've been doing that she's been quite good. I also totally let her choose what she wants to wear. This morning she went to kindy in her swimsuit!

Kiwiinkits · 13/03/2015 00:48

Putting on socks and shoes is a sticking point though. What a drama that is. She's 4.5.

Kiwiinkits · 13/03/2015 00:49

I think sometimes they thrive on negative energy. If they know it winds you up they do it. So just take the energy out of dressing completely. Oh DD, you haven't got dressed yet. Will you wear your PJs today?

Festivalqueen1 · 13/03/2015 04:10

I dress my utterly capable 4 year old DS. He can do it, we both know it. But it's calmer and quicker if I do it. Pick your battles. She won't be letting you dress her at 18 ;0)

startwig1982 · 13/03/2015 04:31

My ds will be 4 this year and we were having difficulties. He has a reward chart and one of his targets is putting on his shoes. He's now brilliant at it. I tend to dress him otherwise but he gets a bonus sticker for doing pants and trousers by himself.

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